Do You Love Me?: Learning to Love in a Way That Can Be Recognized and Felt

It is a fairly common phenomenon for one or both individuals in a dating or marital relationship to sometimes wonder whether they are truly loved by their partner, especially once they have evolved beyond the infatuation phase. This book provides a very simple and pragmatic process anyone can implement to determine the degree to which one is loved and it is an excellent teaching tool the reader can learn to implement to ensure their partner can recognize and feel the love the reader has for them.

The author places tremendous emphasis upon the identification of one's unique constellation or grouping of needs (physical, emotional, spiritual) and the unique clusters of needs possessed by one's love target. This is because our motivation to respond to our environment, our interpretation of what is occurring to us and around us, and our emotional response to those interpretations are all directly determined by our needs. Consequently, individuals in a relationship can experience difficulty understanding why their partners physically and emotionally respond so differently than themselves when they encounter similar situations. This process of misunderstanding or not recognizing the uniquely different clusters of needs each person possesses frequently results in the mistaken effort of demonstrating one's love in the manner they actually wish to have love demonstrated to themselves, totally missing the desires of their partner. Simply put, we tend to love in the manner we wish to be loved rather than in a way that can be recognized and felt by our partners.

The primary ingredient of true love is the willingness to sacrifice part of oneself for the benefit of another. The operational definition of love that resonates throughout this book is:

"Acknowledging the needs of another person and being willing to sacrifice one\'s own needs to ensure the needs of that other person are satisfied."

This book teaches how to identify the needs of the reader as well as those of the reader's love object. It then assists the reader in accurately determining the amount of work (sacrifice) that will be required of each individual in order for both parties to feel consistently loved throughout the duration of a long-term relationship such as marriage. The reader is taught how to systematically develop testing "laboratories" or scenarios to accurately determine a potential partner's willingness to sacrifice their needs to ensure the needs of the reader will be met, once the reader has determined the love object is an individual in whom the reader is willing to invest (sacrifice their needs for).

This book is intended to be an efficient tool for all counselors, therapists, pastors, couples, and individuals who read it with a desire to improve relationships and marriages.