On Angel's Eve: Making the Most of Your Final Time Together - Softcover

Arledge, Garnette

 
9780757000836: On Angel's Eve: Making the Most of Your Final Time Together
Softcover
ISBN 10: 0757000835 ISBN 13: 9780757000836
Verlag: Square One, 2003

Inhaltsangabe

Hospice chaplain Garnette Arledge has helped hundreds of people say “good-bye” to loved ones who are about to pass away. In this unique book, she explains how to make the most of this period of passing, which she refers to as “Angel’s Eve.” The author begins by exploring your understanding of death. She then offers spiritual support by showing how Christianity, Judaism, Buddhism, and Hinduism provide healing perspectives on dying. She also includes suggested activities to help make the most of your time together.

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Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor


Garnette Arledge received a bachelor of science from the University of Maryland and a master of divinity from Drew Theological School. A spiritual director specializing in death

education, Garnette is a professional writer and columnist, as well as a hospice chaplain.

Auszug. © Genehmigter Nachdruck. Alle Rechte vorbehalten.

Introduction

Making Peace with Dying

All the words that I utter,

Must spread out their wings untiring,

And never rest in their flight

Till they come where your sad, sad heart is.

—William Butler Yeats, Poet

A significant amount of the general population now lives in heightened awareness of the importance of saying “I Love You” and “Goodbye.” Some belong to the group of 57 million people who serve as caregivers for loved ones who are terminally ill. Others are people deeply touched by those with terminal illness—for example, friends and extended family members. Still others simply live in awareness of the importance of each moment and the closing inevitability of dying. Their desire to learn about dying may spring from feeling profoundly connected to others through the luminous web of all life; they are ready to make peace with dying even before crises call them to do so. In all of these situations, by caring in a positive and creative manner, aware people can effectively change the entire landscape of living and dying.

Where do you fit in, you who hold this book in your hands? You, my reader, can be part of this change-making group. Are you a caregiver at this time? Recent research says that caregivers of loved ones on Hospice provide approximately eighty-seven hours of care per week, for a duration of approximately seven months. If even a small amount of this applies to you, surely you value practical information on caregiving. Moreover, according to a recent study, 80 percent of caregivers want to know what to expect at the time of dying. This book will help you. It discusses both practicalities and spiritualities.

As a caregiver, you are about to climb over a mountainous fear of dying and gaze on the dawn. You are courageously about to be present for and aid in a loving, peaceful, examined dying process. Helping you surmount discomfort with—even a debilitating fear of—dying is one of the goals of this book.

As an end-of-life caregiver, your perspective on the dying process is crucial to the experience of everyone involved. To climb into the anguish of an ensuing dying and to be there wholly and effectively for your loved one will take some work. That work will range from examining your understanding of dying to changing your language about dying—even to changing the very way you breathe, gesture, and create sacred space around you. To thrive on this upward terrain, you need great tools. This book will be your guide in gathering those tools.

First, realize there are many effective ways to approach the dying process. As a spiritual mentor, I call the time of approaching dying Angel’s Eve. It is the poignant, powerful space just on the threshold of dying. On Angel’s Eve gives your hands, voice, and heart guidance. It helps you satisfy that ineffable longing to do something effective at the bedside.

Once a caregiver asked me, “If I bring my father to the door of dying, who will take him over the threshold?” As a chaplain and person of faith, I had to reply, “I know, I do know, help will be there, waiting for him. I know this because of the law of compassion.” Let that be our first thought as we enter into deep discussion on Angel’s Eve.

WHAT IS THE TASK OF ON ANGEL’S EVE?

As a non-denominational minister and spiritual mentor, I yearn to pass on skills concerning the dying process to you, your family members, and your friends. I desire to help you imagine, and then realize, a healing peace and a cleansing comfort to be accessed during a loved one’s dying time. For over a decade, I have worked in Hospice both as a Volunteer Coordinator and a Hospice Chaplain. Often, I hear exasperated people say, “There is nothing more to do.” In response, I affirm strongly that there is plenty left to do beyond aggressive treatment: settle the past, share the prevailing wind, catch memories, treasure loving moments, record smiles and tears, and look towards the dawning horizon.

What could this book possibly teach? Actually, there is a lot of practical material to be learned about the dying process. Frankly, some say our culture has created a tremendous fear of dying—that we are dying phobic. They say we do not want to accept dying, so we fight it at all costs. When we have no more choice, we hide it at the end of the hospital corridor and ignore it. For example, people rarely talk about dying, especially to a terminally ill person. Too often, reactions to dying are avoidance, excessive joking, or preoccupation with the morbid and macabre aspects. The language style can be negative, gloomy, or whispered. That’s where we need to begin to effect change. The goal of On Angel’s Eve is to give you new tools in order to change this kind of dead-end, discouraging thinking.

Changing the Language of Dying

One of the first concrete steps to take is to change the words associated with dying, for the power of language mirrors the movement of the soul. Notice, then eliminate from your vocabulary, phrases such as, “Dying is hard,” “It’s so sad,” and “Dying is difficult.” Those phrases are clichés, and moreover, they can initiate self-fulfilling prophecy. Thoughts have impact. Watch any crowd to confirm that thoughts are things.

I have found that by calling the dying time Angel’s Eve, we reverse old ways of thinking. Instead of frightening and dark associations, we associate an “eve” with fulfilling times such as a holiday eve—the celebratory night before a great day of rest for many people. Reframe your language, listen to yourself, and choose life-affirming vocabulary. Away with grim metaphors! Let clear words and blessings surround the beds of the dying.

Making Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual Room for the Angels

We will refurbish the spiritual space surrounding your loved one’s dying process. By making mental, emotional, and physical space for the angels—including both invisible angels and visible loved ones who serve as if they are angels—we provide a welcoming environment and anticipate happiness on the other side of the door.

You, as a caregiver, also have a need for ministering angels. There are times when you will be physically exhausted, emotionally spent, and mentally overwhelmed. Do not be afraid to accept help, especially from those “deep angels”—the ones from the unearthly realms. Many report angelic presences at the bedsides of dying ones. Angels come not only to welcome the dying one but to console the caregiver, if that caregiver allows. So make room for these helpers by opening your mind and heart. A simple affirmation that you are willing to be open is quite enough. Right now, simply say, “Welcome, Friend.”

In optimal situations, angels gather to share the eve of dying, be they family, friends, volunteers, professional staff, or invisible comforters. Angels are teachers of possibilities, courage builders, outside-the-box thinkers. They are those visible and invisible forces that make dying yet a second birth. Take advantage of this enlightening opportunity. Open the door. Dust off the welcome mat. The angels, who take themselves lightly, are waiting with gifts.

Using Poetry and Prose

In this book, you will find poetry and stories from around the globe. To honor my Hospice’s twenty-fifth anniversary in 1997, I performed many of the poems you will find in this book. My first On Angel’s Eve ­program took place at the Morris Museum of Art in Morristown, New Jersey. Such a sense of angelic tranquility filled the hall that many audience members commented on it. I would like to offer the same sense of tranquility to you....

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Verlag
Square One
Erscheinungsdatum
2003
Sprache
Englisch
ISBN 10 
0757000835
ISBN 13 
9780757000836
Einband
Taschenbuch
Anzahl der Seiten
256
Kontakt zum Hersteller
Nicht verfügbar
Verantwortliche Person
Simon and Schuster Netherlands BV
info@simonandschuster.nl

Herculesplein 96
Utrecht
3584 AA
Niederlande