Rock The Boat - Softcover

Resmaa Menakem offers street-smart wisdom to readers who want straight talk about relationship problems most people deny, like conflict, cruelty, and abuse. In particular, this book gives returning war vets, domestic violence batterers, and emotionally abusive people (and their partners) the hard-truth answers and realistic optimism they need to turn their lives around. Resmaa's focus on integrity and personal growth rings true because it comes from a man who walks the walk. - Dr. David Schnarch, author of bestseller "Passionate Marriage"
"Rock the Boat" is a work of profound insight, brilliance -- and surprisingly, of hope. In unnervingly direct and hard-hitting prose, Resmaa Menakem guides us through life's most difficult question: How do I have a truly fulfilling relationship? It should be required reading for everyone who wants to love -- truly love. This book could change your life -- read it!
--Dr. Linda Mills
Lisa Ellen Goldberg Professor of Social Work, Public Policy and Law
New York University
Author, "Violent Partners: A Breakthrough Plan for Ending the Cycle of Abuse"
Why do we fall in love, only to fall into conflict? As Resmaa Menakem reveals in "ROCK THE BOAT," conflict is baked into every committed relationship. Leaning into those conflicts with integrity, rather than fleeing from them, is the key to creating a lifetime of trust, growth, and love. ROCK THE BOAT is a must-have book for every committed couple.
--John C. Friel, Ph.D.
Co-author of "The 7 Best Things Happy Couples Do "and other books

"Resmaa Menakem offers street-smart wisdom to readers who want straight talk about relationship problems most people deny, like conflict, cruelty, and abuse. In particular, this book gives returning war vets, domestic violence batterers, and emotionally abusive people (and their partners) the hard-truth answers and realistic optimism they need to turn their lives around. Resmaa's focus on integrity and personal growth rings true because it comes from a man who walks the walk."
--David Schnarch, PhD, bestselling author of Passionate Marriage and Resurrecting Sex
"Rock the Boat is a work of profound insight, brilliance--and surprisingly, of hope. In unnervingly direct and hard-hitting prose, Resmaa Menakem guides us through life's most difficult question: How do I have a truly fulfilling relationship? It should be required reading for everyone who wants to love--truly love. This book could change your life--read it!"
--Linda Mills, PhD, author of Violent Partners: A Breakthrough Plan for Ending the Cycle of Abuse
"Lively and beautifully written, this guide lays out a terminology and process for committed couples, so that they can talk into the rich potential their relationship holds for them without sacrificing their true selves. Personal choice is always protected. Honest, raw, and profound."
--Anne Katherine, MA, bestselling author of Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin and Where to Draw the Line
"In Rock the Boat, Resmaa Menakem tells the truth about intimate relationships--and does so with great honesty, love, wit, and insight. What he has written is politically incorrect, and an absolutely honest approach to couples achieving their dream--a meaningful relationship filled with honesty and deep connection."
--Noel R. Larson, PhD, co-author of Incestuous Families
"Why do we fall into love, only to fall into conflict? As Resmaa Menakem reveals in Rock the Boat, conflict is baked into every committed relationship. Leaning into those conflicts with integrity, rather than fleeing from them, is the key to creating a lifetime of trust, growth, and love. Rock the Boat is a must-have book for every committed couple."
--John C. Friel, PhD, co-author of The 7 Best Things Happy Couples Do"

An honest look at what really works to bring more intimacy and deeper trust into your relationship. Couples therapist Resmaa Manakem challenges couples not to avoid conflictDon’t be afraid to rock the boat! The emotional transformation that results can forge a greater, more mature intimacy; a deeper trust; and a stronger bond.

Conflict is a natural part of any intimate relationship. Yet most couples either avoid it or try to smooth over their differences. This results in at least one partner compromising their integrityand stunting their own growth. Gritty, often irreverent, and always practical, Rock the Boat challenges couples not to flee from conflicts, because the emotional stalemate that conflicts produce creates an opportunity for profound transformation. This transformation affirms each partner’s individuality while forging a more mature intimacy, a greater trust, and a deeper bond.

Rock the Boat challenges the idea that conflict between partners is unhealthy or something to avoid. Instead, it encourages both people to stand by what they need and who they arebut to do so with compassion rather than competitiveness or vengefulness. This is the purpose of an intimate relationship: to create an atmosphere where both people learn to grow up and mature in their relationship by appreciating each other’s individual needs in a caring and mature way.

Author Resmaa Menakem, a licensed clinical social worker specializing in couples therapy, addresses key factors in making this happen, including accepting discomfort and uncertainty; honesty and openness about sex, money, kids, and in-laws; recognizing when conflict might escalate into violence or abuse; and, when appropriate, finding and working with a good therapist.

Rock the Boat is not about ideals, or what we hope or imagine relationships to be. It's an honest, unflinching look at what actually works.