30 Lessons for Loving: Advice from the Wisest Americans on Love, Relationships, and Marriage - Hardcover

Praise for Karl Pillemer and 30 LESSONS FOR LIVING
"Thank you, Dr. Pillemer, for gathering all this wisdom in one book before it is lost. I can't imagine anyone whose life will not be enriched by this book."
--Rabbi Harold Kushner, author of "When Bad Things Happen to Good People"
"The 'Wisest Americans' have a lot to teach the rest of us. Some of this advice is refreshing common sense. Much of it is truly surprising. It is always heartfelt and ever-endearing - equal parts information and inspiration. This is a book to keep by your bedside and return to often."
--Amy Dickinson, nationally syndicated advice columnist "Ask Amy"
"This is a fabulous book! Karl Pillemer has done an incredible job of bringing together the collective wisdom of hundreds of Americans into an entertaining, thought provoking, and practical book. Give it a read. You will find yourself getting out of bed in the morning with new enthusiasm."
--Matthew Kelly, author of "The Rhythm of Life" and "Off Balance"
""30 lessons for Living" is an absolute gem! Thank you Karl Pillemer for taking the time to collect such a valuable trove of wisdom, and for sharing it with us in such a readable book. It's one that I'll recommend often. All of it is wonderful, but I particularly appreciated the lessons on honesty and saying yes to opportunities. Read this book - you'll get more out of life and have fewer regrets."
--Hal Urban, author of" Life's Greatest Lessons"
"If you want to hear the wisdom of the aged, this easy-to-read book, based on years of penetrating interviews by a prominent sociologist, tells you what they have learned about love, work, marriage, and parenting."
--Howard S. Friedman, Ph.D. & Leslie R. Martin, Ph.D., authors of "The Longevity Project"
"The advice is astute, fresh, and well selected by Pillemer. This book would serve as an excellent gift for newlyweds." --"Publishers Weekly"

From Publishers Weekly:
Gerontologist Pillemer shares findings from his survey of 700 people in "very long marriages" (the shortest here have lasted three decades, the longest, more than five) for tips on maintaining successful long-term relationships. The respondents, charmingly called "the experts" by Pillemer, share "storehouses of invaluable lived experience" on areas including questions to ask yourself before settling down, domestic violence, and late-in-life sex. Communication is discussed at length via six lessons, including being polite to your partner within "the comfortable informality of married life" and choosing the appropriate time for serious conversations. The experts break down conflict by examining the "five major stressors" that affect most relationships, with rules for dealing with the in-laws and properly delegating household labor. In addition to summarizing his survey's results, Pillemer shares the experts' own words. One respondent describes divorcing her husband and remarrying him 64 years later, while an 88-year-old "rough and tumble" Korean War veteran suggests taking an interest in your partner's preferred activities, remarking, "I went to operas. Operas!" The benefits of such a comprehensive study incorporating so many years of experience should be ample, for newlyweds and contemporaries of the respondents alike. The advice is astute, fresh, and well selected by Pillemer. This book would serve as an excellent gift for newlyweds.
Praise for 30 LESSONS FOR LOVING:
"Throughout human history, but perhaps less so in recent times, older people or elders were valued for the "voice of lived experience." Karl Pillemer, a gifted gerontologist, has produced a volume that reflects great wisdom from [people] who have succeeded and failed in their marriages. From detailed interviews of more than 700 older people, Pillemer has culled thirty life lessons about loving that reflect great wisdom. There are many morals to the stories told - No one is a mind reader, make your home a safe haven, and secrets for keeping the spark alive. Couples of all ages will enjoy reading this book together and will profit from using this book as a guide as they develop as partners throughout the lifespan." --Kathleen McCartney, PhD, President of Smith College
"It's a treasure trove of great advice from some of the wisest people in the world. They've experienced just about everything in their relationships over the years, and their advice to us is both enlightening and enriching." --Hal Urban, Author of "Life's Greatest Lessons" and "Positive Words, Powerful Results"
"Writing in a voice that is at once informative and insightful, discerning and prescriptive, probing and restrained, Karl Pillemer eloquently captures the hearts and minds, the witness and wisdom of a huge and varied collection of elders who have nourished, negotiated, and sustained life-long love relationships. This rich and revelatory book offers us a rare gift: vivid narratives born of struggle and resilience, hard work and humor, and forged out of mutual respect, loyalty, and love."--Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot, Emily Hargroves Fisher Professor of Education at Harvard University and Author of "The Third Chapter: Passion, Risk, and Adventure in the 25 Years After 50"
"Karl Pillemer presents the wisdom of the ultimate experts in relationships, those who have made love and marriage work over the long run by learning from their mistakes and striking a viable balance between their hearts and minds." - Steven Stosny, Ph.D., author of "Living & Loving after Betrayal" and "How to Improve Your Marriage without Talking about It."
""30 Lessons for Loving" is a real contribution for helping us make important decisions about relationships, and nurture love once we have someone we treasure."--Pepper Schwartz, PhD. Professor of Sociology, the University of Washington and co-author of the "Normal Bar: The Surprising Secrets of Happy Couples"
"There is one thing in life that cannot be rushed - experience! So the wise listen to those who have gone before them, eager to learn what they can from the experience of others. The experience of others shows us the path of joy, and warns us away from the paths of anguish and pain. I thoroughly enjoyed 30 Lessons for Loving, it contains ten thousand years of experience."--Matthew Kelly, motivational speaker and President of Floyd Consulting
"30 Lessons for Loving" is a must-read for anyone contemplating marriage. The knowledge and wisdom gathered from this huge group of elders is both modern and timeless. It is inspiring, insightful, witty, and often -- surprising. This is everything about living -- and loving -- in a long relationship I wish my grandmother had told me. I highly recommend it for engaged couples and newlyweds."--Amy Dickinson, "Ask Amy" syndicated advice columnist and panelist on NPR's "Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me"
"So much wisdom; profound food for thought; answers to tough questions. A refreshing resource." -- Pat Love, EdD., LMFT, "The Truth about Love"
Praise for 30 LESSONS FOR LOVING
"I loved "30 Lessons for Loving." It's a treasure trove of great advice from some of the wisest people in the world. They've experienced just about everything in their relationships over the years, and their advice to us is both enlightening and enriching." --Hal Urban, Author of "Life's Greatest Lessons" and "Positive Words, Powerful Results"
" "
"This rich and revelatory book offers us a rare gift: vivid narratives born of struggle and resilience, hard work and humor, and forged out of mutual respect, loyalty, and love."--Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot, EdD, author of "The Third Chapter: Passion, Risk, and Adventure in the 25 Years After 50"
" "
""30 Lessons for Loving" is a real contribution for helping us make important decisions about relationships, and nurture love once we have someone we treasure."--Pepper Schwartz, PhD. author of the "Normal Bar: The Surprising Secrets of Happy Couples"
" "
"Couples of all ages will enjoy reading this book together and will profit from using this book as a guide as they develop as partners throughout the lifespan." --Kathleen McCartney, PhD, President of Smith College
"Karl Pillemer presents the wisdom of the ultimate experts in relationships, those who have made love and marriage work over the long run by learning from their mistakes and striking a viable balance between their hearts and minds." - Steven Stosny, Ph.D., author of "Living & Loving after Betrayal" and "How to Improve Your Marriage without Talking about It."
"There is one thing in life that cannot be rushed - experience! So the wise listen to those who have gone before them, eager to learn what they can from the experience of others. The experience of others shows us the path of joy, and warns us away from the paths of anguish and pain. I thoroughly enjoyed "30 Lessons for Loving," it contains ten thousand years of experience."--Matthew Kelly, author of "The Dream Manager" and "The Rhythm of Life"
" "
"A must-read for anyone contemplating marriage. The knowledge and wisdom gathered from this huge group of elders is both modern and timeless. It is inspiring, insightful, witty, and often -- surprising. This is everything about living -- and loving -- in a long relationship I wish my grandmother had told me. I highly recommend it for engaged couples and newlyweds."--Amy Dickinson, "Ask Amy" syndicated advice columnist
Praise for Karl Pillemer and 30 LESSONS FOR LIVING
"Thank you, Dr. Pillemer, for gathering all this wisdom in one book before it is lost. I can't imagine anyone whose life will not be enriched by this book."
--Rabbi Harold Kushner, author of "When Bad Things Happen to Good People"
"The 'Wisest Americans' have a lot to teach the rest of us. Some of this advice is refreshing common sense. Much of it is truly surprising. It is always heartfelt and ever-endearing - equal parts information and inspiration. This is a book to keep by your bedside and return to often."
--Amy Dickinson, nationally syndicated advice columnist "Ask Amy"
"This is a fabulous book! Karl Pillemer has done an incredible job of bringing together the collective wisdom of hundreds of Americans into an entertaining, thought provoking, and practical book. Give it a read. You will find yourself getting out of bed in the morning with new enthusiasm."
--Matthew Kelly, author of "The Rhythm of Life" and "Off Balance"
""30 lessons for Living" is an absolute gem! Thank you Karl Pillemer for taking the time to collect such a valuable trove of wisdom, and for sharing it with us in such a readable book. It's one that I'll recommend often. All of it is wonderful, but I particularly appreciated the lessons on honesty and saying yes to opportunities. Read this book - you'll get more out of life and have fewer regrets."
--Hal Urban, author of" Life's Greatest Lessons"
"If you want to hear the wisdom of the aged, this easy-to-read book, based on years of penetrating interviews by a prominent sociologist, tells you what they have learned about love, work, marriage, and parenting."
--Howard S. Friedman, Ph.D. & Leslie R. Martin, Ph.D., authors of "The Longevity Project"

Praise for 30 LESSONS FOR LOVING
I loved"30 Lessons for Loving." It s a treasure trove of great advice from some of the wisest people in the world. They've experienced just about everything in their relationships over the years, and their advice to us is both enlightening and enriching." Hal Urban, Author of"Life's Greatest Lessons"and"Positive Words, Powerful Results"
""
This rich and revelatory book offers us a rare gift: vivid narratives born of struggle and resilience, hard work and humor, and forged out of mutual respect, loyalty, and love. --Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot, EdD, author of "The Third Chapter: Passion, Risk, and Adventure in the 25 Years After 50"
""
""30 Lessons for Loving" is a real contribution for helping us make important decisions about relationships, and nurture love once we have someone we treasure. --Pepper Schwartz, PhD. author of the "Normal Bar: The Surprising Secrets of Happy Couples"
""
Couples of all ages will enjoy reading this book together and will profit from using this book as a guide as they develop as partners throughout the lifespan. Kathleen McCartney, PhD, President of Smith College
Karl Pillemer presents the wisdom of the ultimate experts in relationships, those who have made love and marriage work over the long run by learning from their mistakes and striking a viable balance between their hearts and minds. Steven Stosny, Ph.D., author of "Living & Loving after Betrayal" and "How to Improve Your Marriage without Talking about It."
"There is one thing in life that cannot be rushed - experience! So the wise listen to those who have gone before them, eager to learn what they can from the experience of others. The experience of others shows us the path of joy, and warns us away from the paths of anguish and pain. I thoroughly enjoyed "30 Lessons for Loving," it contains ten thousand years of experience. --Matthew Kelly, author of "The Dream Manager" and "The Rhythm of Life"
""
"A must-read for anyone contemplating marriage. The knowledge and wisdom gathered from this huge group of elders is both modern and timeless. It is inspiring, insightful, witty, and often -- surprising. This is everything about living -- and loving -- in a long relationship I wish my grandmother had told me. I highly recommend it for engaged couples and newlyweds."--Amy Dickinson, Ask Amy syndicated advice columnist
Praise for Karl Pillemer and 30 LESSONS FOR LIVING
"Thank you, Dr. Pillemer, for gathering all this wisdom in one book before it is lost. I can't imagine anyone whose life will not be enriched by this book."
--Rabbi Harold Kushner, author of"When Bad Things Happen to Good People"
"The 'Wisest Americans' have a lot to teach the rest of us. Some of this advice is refreshing common sense. Much of it is truly surprising. It is always heartfelt and ever-endearing - equal parts information and inspiration. This is a book to keep by your bedside and return to often."
--Amy Dickinson, nationally syndicated advice columnist "Ask Amy"
"This is a fabulous book! Karl Pillemer has done an incredible job of bringing together the collective wisdom of hundreds of Americans into an entertaining, thought provoking, and practical book. Give it a read. You will find yourself getting out of bed in the morning with new enthusiasm."
--Matthew Kelly, author of"The Rhythm of Life"and"Off Balance"
""30 lessons for Living"is an absolute gem! Thank you Karl Pillemer for taking the time to collect such a valuable trove of wisdom, and for sharing it with us in such a readable book. It's one that I'll recommend often. All of it is wonderful, but I particularly appreciated the lessons on honesty and saying yes to opportunities. Read this book - you'll get more out of life and have fewer regrets."
--Hal Urban, author of"Life's Greatest Lessons"
"If you want to hear the wisdom of the aged, this easy-to-read book, based on years of penetrating interviews by a prominent sociologist, tells you what they have learned about love, work, marriage, and parenting."
--Howard S. Friedman, Ph.D. & Leslie R. Martin, Ph.D., authors of"The Longevity Project""

From the author of the beloved 30 Lessons for Living

Karl Pillemer’s 30 Lessons for Living first became a hit and then became a classic. Readers loved the sage advice and great stories from extraordinary older Americans who shared what they wish they had known when they were starting out. Now, Pillemer returns with lessons on one of the mosttalked- about parts of that booklove, relationships, and marriage.

Based on the most detailed survey of longmarried people ever conducted, 30 Lessons for Loving shows the way to lifelong, fulfilling relationships. The author, an internationally renowned gerontologist at Cornell University, offers sage advice from the oldest and wisest Americans on everything from finding a partner, to deciding to commit, to growing old together. Along the way, the book answers questions like these: How do you know if the person you love is the right one? What are the secrets for improving communication and reducing conflict? What gets you through the major stresses of marriage, such as child-rearing, work, money issues, and inlaws? From interviews with 700 elders,30 Lessons for Loving offers unique wisdom that will enrich anyone’s relationship life, from people searching for the right partner to those working to keep the spark alive after decades together.

Filled with great stories, wise observations, and useful advice, 30 Lessons for Lovingis destined to become another classic.