Rebecca Patrick-Howard

Rebecca Patrick-Howard's real biography isn't nearly as interesting as the one she's made up in her head so she'll leave you with that one:

At the age of 3, her family sold her to a band of traveling gypsies. Forced to become a bareback rider in the circus, she spent her younger years traveling the country, living out of suitcases and selling macrame keychains on the side. At the age of 16 she became a professional yodeler but, after winning the international yodeling competition in Switzerland at 19, decided to retire at the height of her career. Now, she and her husband (an organic rutabaga farmer from Wales) live in an isolated cabin in eastern Kentucky where they play with a local mariachi band every Friday night, are involved with a murder mystery dinner theater club, and enjoy making origami owls.