Vincent Daniels

Hi, I'm Vincent Daniels, author of Meaty Balls - a collection of humorous essays, expositions, and insightfully elegant potty humor (your favorite). It's got like a million chapters (30). If you're asking, "What makes you so special that you get to write a hilarious book that I'll love forever?" Here's why: I was raised as a Jehovah's Witnesses and was out preaching to strangers about Satan's hooves as a nine-year-old. Also, I'm half-Asian, which isn't intrinsically funny in itself, but being the only Asian in an all-white, racist community is funny, in retrospect. Additionally, I married into a Puerto Rican family and gained three hundred spicy in-laws. In addition to those balls-out hilarious things about me, I'm from Detroit, Michigan which has a lot of crime and black people. I'm not insinuating the two are related, I'm stating those things because that's what people usually associate with the city of Detroit. Though both are true, I've never been mugged or murdered by anyone black (or any race). I'm tempted to rewrite the last few sentences because they sound suspicious, but I told myself I'd write this once and not edit it. This is getting wordy, so I'm going to list the other reasons I'm capable of writing a funny book without as much explanation: 5. Starting with "5" because, technically, there are four "Reasons I'm Funny" written above. I'm going to start a new number five because this one got ruined by this explanation. Real 5. After being married to the Puerto Ricans, I got divorced...and divorce is hilarious! 6. I'm an auto industry stooge who gets paid to pretend to design car stuff while actually writing in a covert-op word processor minimized in the bottom corner of my screen. Don't tell my boss. 7. I go to dive bars and drink a lot. I look Asian. I'm divorced. I have a black friend. I'm horny. Antics ensue. 8. I'm a part-time musician who plays guitar, writes mushy music, and says, "Yeah, I've sold a bunch of MP3s," even though I only sold twelve over the past three years. 9. I have a gigantic collection of rocks & fossils, comic books, 80s toys, movie memorabilia, weapons (non-functioning replicas), old-school video games, dinosaur books, lawn equipment, and shirts. The point being - I'm an expert on everything, and exceptionally geeky in a sexy and sophisticated way that'll make you feel pretty cool. So, in summary, nab a copy of Meaty Balls like the good-for-nothing nabber that you are and live the remainder of your life in orgasmic bliss, my treat.