The Wisdom of Our UniqueLife Lessons

A worldview to which we subscribe is that this place where we liveis "earth school." As in all schools, there are lessons to be learned andskills to be mastered. As human beings, we are given the opportunityto learn our life lessons and to grow—or not to grow. Each of us hasan individualized curriculum. As we master each life lesson, new onespresent themselves in an ongoing array of challenges and opportunities.Knowing this, the wise leader is ever alert for the lessons that may beembedded in the challenges or obstacles he or she confronts. The wiseleader is a reflective practitioner who continually tries to learn, grow,and master each life lesson both personally and professionally.

When Steve's son Brian was in his early teens, a little over twentyyears ago, he came home from summer camp with a ring in his newlypierced ear. To say that Steve was angry would be putting it mildly.Prior to that summer, Brian had broached the topic of piercing withhis father, who made his views about the subject quite clear. Hisfather told him that it wasn't a good idea for him to put holes in hisbody and that it wasn't manly. It was something that was okay forgirls but not for boys. While away from home, Brian chose to disobeyhis father and have his ear pierced anyway. To buttress his case, Brianbrought a letter from his fellow campmates saying how cool Brianlooked with his new earring and how all of his friends had decidedto do the same thing. Steve was really angry; he thought about allthe things he could do to punish his son.

A friend of Steve's happened to be present when Steve firstlearned what Brian had done. Steve's friend recounted examples fromhis own life of his own children having done similar things as theywere growing up. He said that he had blown his top and that hisanger over what he had seen as a challenge to his parental authorityhad created a serious breach in his relationship with his children. Hetold Steve, "Let me tell you a life lesson I learned as a result of whathappened between me and my children. You can decide if you wantto risk what happened to me or take a different course." He told Stevethat in close relationships, certainly with immediate family and veryclose friends, any given episode or interaction between you and theother person is never as important as the relationship itself. "Alwaysremember," he said, "that the relationship is more important thanwhat the person may have done or failed to do. If you keep thatin mind, it will affect the way you choose to deal with whateverhappens between you and the other person."

Steve took his friend's advice to heart and chose to learn the lifelesson the easy way. He allowed Brian to keep his earring but insistedon some controls over where and when it would be worn.

Using Our Experiences to Grow Personally and Professionally

Sometimes solving a problem requires you to behave in adifferent way. In effect, to deal appropriately with whatever youare encountering requires that you make a shift, which necessitatesgrowth either professionally or personally. We suggest that when youare encountering difficulty, in addition to trying to solve the problemat hand, ask yourself whether what's happening is, in effect, a messagefrom the universe telling you that it's time for you to grow. Peopletend to look outside of themselves for explanations as to why thingsare happening in their lives; they don't necessarily ask themselvesthe question, "Is there something internally, within me, that needsto change?"

There's a common tendency to resist life's lessons instead ofaccepting or even embracing them. Leaders gain in wisdom whenthey can do just that, when they can say, "What a great problem I'mfacing. Bring it on! Let me fully appreciate the whole thing." Whenyou face your problems from this new perspective, they tend to goaway, or shrink and shrivel up. Yet prior to doing that, they seemedalmost insurmountable. Sometimes embracing a lesson allows youto learn it fully, and then move past it; if you resist the lesson, youcan't get past it because you're standing in opposition to it. There'sa wall there that you're trying to overcome. By moving toward theproblem rather than away from it, you may find an opening to getthrough, or even a way around it, and suddenly find yourself standingon the other side.

When you embrace a problem, it is important to recognize thatthere may be a lesson in it for you. You are the participant, but you'realso the observer of whatever is unfolding. In the role of observer,step back—not just to gain perspective, but also to think about whatlesson is there for you before embracing it.

Life Experiences Can Promote Our Spiritual Growth

Since this is earth school, everything you experience is a life lessonto promote your spiritual growth. Every obstacle, every stumblingblock is, in essence, a steppingstone toward greater growth. It's easynot to see things in this way because life's events often hurt or aredifficult. Life is far different from school, however. In life, first youhave the test and then you have the lesson; in school, on the otherhand, the sequence is reversed. Life is a much tougher and moredemanding environment because you're always being tested so youcan learn, grow, and move past whatever level you're on. The onlyway you can do that is through facing and overcoming challenges.You rarely grow in easy circumstances. Life is like spiritual isometrics.You have to keep pushing and pulling to build the spiritual muscleyou need to move forward.

When things are difficult or they don't feel right or are notgoing well, ask yourself this question, "What is the spiritual lessonhere that I need to pay attention to?" It is helpful to ask yourselfthat question aloud, as though you are addressing it to the universe,because frequently the lesson is not readily apparent. Often it takesreflection and prayer to gain insight as to exactly what the lesson is—whetheryou need to open up or loosen up or find a better balance,or be more compassionate, and so forth. The supply of lessons createdto assist every one of us in growing spiritually is limitless. The...