Self

It is the summer of 2015. I began thinking about writing this book over five years ago, eight years after writing my first book, Change How You See, Not How You Look: Power Tools for Celebrating Your Body (CHYS), published in 2002. Looking back, that process seemed so effortless. It was a perfect reflection of where I was on my eternal journey of enlightened evolvement. I was happy. I was satisfied. I still like the book very much, and for five years I have known that the very important message imparted in Change How You See was only a surface glimmer of the truth I was seeking. Obviously, there was much of my own work to do before I knew myself well enough, deep enough, and lovingly enough to bring forth the higher and deeper knowing. I needed more of Spirit and less of me.

So here I am, having spent the last eight months writing in context – but out of order – all that I think I know about self-acceptance, all I think I know about bringing that self-acceptance into the mind-body connection, and all I think I know about my own journey in a fat body living in a thin-obsessed society. In the process I became ever more empowered by my spiritual path. Still it doesn't feel like I am quite there yet. Why? Because there is no "getting there." There is only "who am I," what choices am I making about it, and continually accepting that I Am Who I Am.

I still feel like I don't know enough, don't do enough, am not participating enough, and am not clear enough to write a book about being enough! And though I keep grumbling about how "maybe it will all come together tomorrow," I realize in this moment that there is no "tomorrow." There is only now! This is a concept I know very well, and yet when it counts, I often forget. Fear always makes me forget that there is no tomorrow. Tomorrow always feels so much safer. My sweet, well-meaning ego tells me that if I don't really start, then I can't ever fail. How very misguided she is, because every time I don't start, I fail. I fail to remember that all is created in the present moment, and unless I begin now, there will never be a "beginning" tomorrow. And since there is no "there" to get to, I remember that everything that happens here, every word I write or don't write, is my path of recognizing that I am already enough, and never alone!

So here I am, again. Starting. Let's see where it goes!

"Self" Definitions

During a class at my spiritual center, one of the exercises was this question: What is the difference between self-love, self-respect, self-esteem, and self-image? The following was not my answer, but it so struck me as the truth that I have had it written on an orange post-it note all these years:

Self-Image: How you show up for others.

Self-Esteem: What you value

Self-Respect: What you do

Self-Love: Your connection to God

Self-Image: How You Show Up for Others

How we show up for others, especially in regard to our body image, changes on a daily basis, and it is usually decided by how we think others want us to show up. What are their beliefs? What are their needs? What are their desires? How will they react to me? How will they like me? How will they see me? Will they see me?

How we show up for others is about expectation, theirs and ours. Expectations are about what someone has been told, has believed, and has decided about how we should be or look or act. Expectation always relies on an outside force to change or show up in a certain way. If such and such happens, then I can be happy; if so and so does this, I can be happy. Expectations don't always result in disappointment, but they always hold the seed for it. Expectation gives away our power.

In relation to our body temple, self-image often relies on the outside forces of fashion (only size three is "in" this year), media (if you don't look like this, you're in trouble), politics (if you don't believe in the hype about obesity and fat, you are politically incorrect), and economics (if you don't continue to pour money into the idea that you aren't enough, then the economy will crumble). While they don't exactly say that out loud, it is the clear implication. We are daily, even hourly, encouraged to change ourselves, inside and out, in order to satisfy an external expectation. But rather than meeting that expectation, we just keep failing because outside standards change in a flash. Just when we think we have done all we need to do to satisfy an expectation, the game changes, and we are once again on the prowl for how to make ourselves presentable, acceptable, and successful at being who we are expected to be.

I want this book to lead you out of "expectation" and into "expectancy." Expectancy is an attitude, a philosophy, and a vibrational energy of knowing that no matter what expectations the world has of you or you have of the world, Source is always working for the highest evolution of your good. Even disappointments occur for the highest good, and realizing that makes them easier to accept and release. Even when you appear to disappoint the world, even when the world appears to disappoint you, there is always a deeper lesson and a higher good formulating. Living in Expectancy is the knowing that the energy of Good resides within you and all around you, allowing you to do and be whoever you truly are.

This is just a glimmer of what is to come, so keep it in your mind and have an expectancy that further clarity is on its way!

Self-Esteem: What You Value

Synonyms for esteem are: admiration, favor, appreciation, honor, regard, prize, treasure, and revere. All of these words are about value. Using them in relation to people, events, conditions, or ourselves tells people (and affirms in our own minds) what we value in our lives. If we don't feel favorable...