CHAPTER 1

Shamar:Entitled to Victory

"I am the master of my fate:I am the captain of my soul."

~Invictus by William Ernest Henley

Like you, Shamar was the master of his fate. On a Friday night,Shamar Tyquan Robinson chose death over his miserable life. Heenvisioned the words "freedom" over the doorway as he headedfor the threshold to exit his life of turmoil. So why was it such ashock to his mother, Evangelist Sharon Robinson, when she wascalled to the hospital at 2:17 A.M.? Shamar's stomach was beingpumped as doctors worked feverishly to save the life he did notwant. He overdosed on the drugs Kiki gave him to escape thespirit of depression that had consumed him.

Shamar was a sixteen year old boy, who grew up in a verysmall town. Everybody who lived there knew everything abouteverybody. It was amazing that Shamar had survived therethat long. The son of a hard working man who drank a lot anda mother who was too busy to notice his problems in school,Shamar found himself considering the worst decision ever.

Most people called him "Sham" when he was growing up.And the name stuck. He was the cutest little boy with caramelskin, hazel eyes and curly hair. He grew to stand five feet andeleven inches tall, but back then he was the shortest thing aroundjust like his momma. Sham was her little prince. Every eveninghis mother sat by his bedside and recited prayers with him. Hewould wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroomand see the light on in kitchen where his mother was reading theBible. His mother, Evangelist Robinson, was the most loved ladyin the church. She was so dedicated to the ministry and so full ofGodly power.

Sham remembered when his parents went to all the churchservices together. Everybody was so happy back then. That waswhen his parents smiled at each other. That was when they heldhands after church service and walked to the car together as ahappy couple. He never would have imagined that joy changinginto something else.

When Sham was in elementary school, teachers noticed hehad difficulty reading. At first, his parents went to every meetingat school. They took him to all types of doctors to try and figureout what was going on, but nothing seemed to provide a clearanswer. After a while, it seemed like his parents gave up on him.Sham soon started feeling like he was dumb. He compared himselfto the other kids in his class and felt he would never be able toread like them. Other boys laughed because he stuttered whenhe tried to pronounce words in reading passages. Although Shamfinally reached the eleventh grade, he still struggled academically.he continued to be placed in remedial reading classes and refusedto read aloud for any of his teachers. Sham didn't tell most peoplehow much he hated school. He bottled up his frustration andkept to himself.

Sham was in middle school when a tragic accident occurred,involving one of his family members. He was in his seventhgrade year and his father fell from a crane at work. Sham's fathersurvived the injury, but his left leg was crushed and ligamentswere torn. After months of rehabilitation and lots of medicalbills, Sham's family started having financial problems. Mr. DavidRobinson, Father of the Year, wasn't the same anymore. Mr.Robinson's employer placed him at a desk job and Sham's fatherhated every minute of it. Soon, his dad behaved as if he wasdepressed. He started making excuses for not attending churchservice. Sham's dad seemed sad or angry most of the time. Hestarted spending less time with Sham, his only child, the son heclaimed he always wanted god to give him.

Mr. Robinson started to drink to escape his misery whileSham's mother started praying for their family night and day. Shewent to church every time the doors were open. At first, Shamthought that it was a bad phase for his family and it would endsoon. He thought it would get better after some time, but actuallythings got worse over the years. By the end of middle school,Sham started realizing his family wasn't happy anymore. Moreimportantly, he felt miserable too. Sham hated school. He hatedgoing home after school and he started hating himself. He wouldconstantly think, "My life is horrible."

With mediocre grades, Sham had finally made it to highschool and hoped he could graduate, get a job and move awayfrom the small town he lived in. He was sick of seeing his fatherdrunk on the sofa and tired of his mother dragging him to churchthree days per week. All she did was praise god and pray, pray andpraise god. It was as if she was not a real person. Sham wonderedwhere all those prayers were going over the years because theysure hadn't cured his daddy of alcoholism or depression. And allthat church stuff definitely did not help his family find happinessagain. Sometimes he wondered why his parents didn't get adivorce like everybody else's mother and father. At least then,maybe he could have some change in venue from week to week.

Sham was not the best student at Evington high School;he never got disciplinary referrals or an extremely high numberof unsatisfactory grades because he always did just enough toget by. On the first day of school at Evington, he saw a skinnymodelesque girl who dropped her books in the hallway in front ofhim. He crouched down to help her pick up the books when shesmiled at him and said, "Hi, my name is Kisha King. My friendscall me Kiki." It was evident that she was mesmerized by his hazeleyes and dazzled by his overall handsome appearance and goodmanners. He replied, "Hey, I'm Sham." From that point on theywere inseparable.

Kiki and Sham started eating lunch together at school. After acouple of weeks of hanging out, they started a phone ministry ofsorts. Basically, they would talk on the phone with each other forhours. One would say "Hang up." The other would reply, "Youhang up first." Then they laughed and followed that pattern backand forth until somebody fell asleep and started snoring on thephone. Sometimes the cell phone battery died and ended theircall. They were like best friends who could talk forever withoutinterruption.

Sham couldn't tell anybody...