Where IS Your Mother? offers answers to the everyday questions regarding basic etiquette and simple grace. Fun, easy, and informative, this guide will open the doors to rediscovering the importance and ease of basic etiquette and simple grace in today's world. This is not ''just another book on etiquette''-each chapter is filled with sound information and great tips presented in a simple, informative, and straightforward manner. The easy strategies for more gracious living within are founded on classic eighteenth-century guidelines, re-imagined for today's considerably more complicated life, society, and lifestyles. Many basic (and not-so-basic) etiquette questions are addressed, along with the mystery of whether or not Grandma was really telling the truth about the power of the magic words of etiquette: please, thank you, and excuse me. The presentation of these guidelines has been simplified, eliminating the intimidation of the subject matter, but the basics are very much in line with the Old World etiquette lessons-lessons that author Ava Carroll-Brown feels should not only be taught and followed but practiced regularly. Where IS Your Mother? is a wonderful addition to any reference library and the perfect gift for anyone at any occasion.

Where IS Your Mother?

A Simple and Suggestive Guide to Basic Etiquette and Simple GraceBy Ava Carroll-Brown

iUniverse, Inc.

Copyright © 2011 Ava Carroll-Brown
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4620-0954-1

Contents

Chapter One

So, This Is the Table

We all have stories about our experiences while at the table. Those"Kodak" moments when elbows are used as swords guarding the food in frontof us, elbow-and-hand braces are used as a pedestal to hold up our heavyheads, or legs stretched out and crossed, placed parallel to the table extendinginto the walking area, creating an obstacle course for anyone who may ventureto serve or even walk by. There are also the sleepers, those who obviously aretoo tired to even be at the table, head-in-hand, slumping into their plates, andsometimes even laying their head down as if the table were a pillow.

How enjoyable for us all, especially for those who have taken the timeto prepare a lovely meal and are rewarded by looking at a sleepy, slumped-over,human obstacle course. Possibly, it would have been a better idea to justplace a pet dish on the floor so the food could be gulped down at the guest'sleisure; or maybe, instead of a dinner invitation, an invitation should havebeen extended to just come over and lounge on the sofa and not bother to beseated at the table at all. I don't think so!

I am a firm believer that there is a time and a place for everything. Whenat a dining table, it is the time and place to eat: sitting upright in your chair,legs tucked underneath the table, and feet placed firmly on the floor or in thatdirection. The purpose of your hands is to hold and operate eating utensils,not to support or hold up your head. Elbows are the usable extensions of thehand-to-mouth motion, to be kept off the table at all times and placed closeto your sides.

Your meal space at a dining table is measured by the width of your chairseat, continuing to the immediate left and right of your place setting.

No need to place those elbows on the table for support or to balance yourfork and knife; your eating utensils will never become that heavy.

No need to use those elbows as a weapon to guard your meal space; theywill be just fine at your sides and, surprisingly, that is exactly where they wereintended to be kept.

And definitely no improper sitting at the table; your chair should be placedsquare to the edge of the table. Sit tall on the seat of your chair. Tuck your legsunderneath the table with your feet on the floor or in that direction.

No sitting on your legs; legs were not intended to be a booster chair. If youneed a little boost to be closer to the table, a proper chair can be purchasedat numerous locations, often for a very reasonable price. If dining outside ofyour home, booster chairs are available upon request.

No walking around your chair; the dining table is not an athletic trackor park. When the meal has been completed, excuse yourself from the tableand walk wherever you wish, away from the dining table, and during themeal, remain seated.

And no squirming around like a restless animal. When you are invitedto sit at the table, the assumption is that you are human, so act accordingly.Sit and enjoy the meal that has been placed in front of you.

The list of items that can be covered under this topic could go on forever,and we will only begin to scratch the surface of a few of the more importantlessons in basic etiquette and good manners.

This chapter has been divided into several important sections, presentedsimply and clearly, so sit and enjoy the information, and when you havecompleted this chapter, you will be able to indulge in a banquet of knowledgeand each feasting table will be your oyster.

Fact: The reason a table with chairs placed around it is called a diningtable is for the purpose of people to come together, to be seated, and todine.

Secondary purposes for a dining table may include a surface on whichto do homework, a table for art projects or sewing, or even a space for boardgames.

But at least once a day, it is strongly suggested that in every home thetable be used as intended—to sit at properly to dine.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if the entire family could come together atthe same time and for the same reason? What an exciting concept! The mostconvenient time to plan this gathering would be dinnertime. Parent(s) havereturned home from a long day at work, the kids have hopefully completedtheir homework and art projects, and hobbies have been put away for theevening. The music lessons and sports practices are finished for the night; it isthe end of a long and full day, and everyone is hungry! And at the end of eachday, there is much to talk about, so inviting the entire family to come togetherto sit around the dining table and share a meal is a natural and productivething to do. It is the perfect opportunity for conversation, to get to knowwhat everyone else is doing and, most importantly, to enjoy time together asa family, getting back to the basics and returning to the family unit.

When I was growing up, most mothers were homemakers—not anymore.Today, in many families, both parents are working and the kids have theirstudies, lessons, a social life, and sports. And believe it or not, many kids stillare expected to do chores around the house. You remember: little jobs likemowing the lawn or dusting and vacuuming the family room. But family, nomatter how large or small or how many projects its members are involved induring the course of the day, family remains family, and that fact will neverchange.

In this very busy world, a table is seldom used for its main purpose, andthat purpose is coming together as a family to dine. Everyone is always in ahurry, partaking of meals on the way out the door, in their bedrooms, in frontof the TV, and even while on the telephone; everywhere but at the diningtable. Ask yourself this question, "How long does it take to share a meal?"

Answer? Probably less than thirty minutes or maybe an hour; but duringthat time, as a parent, you have the opportunity to talk to your children andactually get to know who they are, who their friends are, and what they aredoing with their time away from home and during the day. As a child, youhave the perfect opportunity of sharing who you are with your family, lettingthem know what excites you, your feelings and your dreams, and creating andmaintaining an important open line of communication with your parents andsiblings. An open line of communication is a very special key that needs to beestablished in every household between the children and the parents.

Agreed, everyone is busy; but everyone needs to eat as well, correct? Weshould take time, no, we must make time, at least once a day, to come togetheras a family, and the best meeting place in any household is the dining table.

Many years ago, my sister-in-law gave me a framed sign that still hangsproudly on my kitchen wall in view of anyone who sits at our table. It reads,"Anything that takes me more than two hours to cook should take you morethan two minutes to eat."

When we come together at the dining table to share a meal, we shouldtake the time to enjoy the meal and the opportunity to be with the family.Now relax and take a deep breath, as I am not suggesting that each nightwe all take two hours to prepare a meal; we all can agree that in the averagehousehold, we don't have two hours to prepare a meal every evening. Butdinner has to be prepared, so take full advantage of the time.

Preparation time is also a great time...