Over five million people across the United States currently have Alzheimer's disease, and it is predicted that the number of Americans afflicted with the disease will double in the next 20 years. Because Alzheimer's impairs the victim's mental capacities, and often gradually incapacitates the victim over an extended period of time, it is one of the most tragically debilitating diseases encountered by families with elderly family members. Where Did Howdy Go? is the story of one couple's decade-long ordeal with the disease, and the unwavering care given to a man by his loving and devoted wife. First and foremost, Where Did Howdy Go? is a poignant love story about two people who fell in love during the turmoil of World War II, and went on to live an idyllic love affair for forty years before their wonderful life together was shattered by Alzheimer's disease. The story follows Ruth (known to her family and friends as Rusty) as she meets and falls in love with the "one true love of her life", Howard (Howdy) Weidman. Thereafter, the couple lived an almost storybook romance until Howdy began experiencing symptoms of Alzheimer's in 1983. Over the next ten years, Howdy's condition gradually deteriorated beginning with bizarre behaviors that "defied description". Rusty's courageous struggle to care for Howdy during the extremely stressful period of his illness, and her staunch refusal to put him into a nursing facility, combined to exact a terrible toll, both physically and emotionally, on Rusty. But despite the incredible highs and lows of their experience, Rusty's love for her "lover and best friend" remained unshakable. Where Did Howdy Go? will make you laugh and cry, but most importantly, it will make you think carefully about your care options for elderly loved ones.

Where Did Howdy Go?

By Ruth C. Weidman John E. Becker

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2010 Ruth C. Weidman & John E. Becker
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4490-5878-4

Chapter One

FORGETFULLNESS

When I reflect on it now, I can see that the occasional lapses of memory Howdy began experiencing in 1979 were the start of a devastating sequence of events. We had no way of knowing then that it would be the beginning of a terrible nightmare.

Before Howdy's 69th birthday, on March 3, 1979, he seemed to be more and more forgetful. I found myself saying to him all too often, "Boy, you can sure tell you're going to be 69 on your birthday. It's a good thing your head's attached, or you'd forget that, too." He'd look at me with those big, sad-looking, brown eyes, and then we'd both laugh.

A few weeks after Howdy's birthday that year, we went to see my sister, Mary Jane, and her family in Aliquippa, Pennsylvania. During our visit, Mary Jane pointed out how my teasing seemed to hurt Howdy's feelings.

"You ought to stop making those comments about Howdy's forgetfulness," she said. "I think it's really bothering him. Even though you're laughing when you say it, he gets a hurt look on his face."

Occasionally, we need someone to tell us when we're doing something wrong. That was certainly one of those times. Thereafter, I became more aware of Howdy's feelings, and I tried hard not to offend him anymore. But as time went on, I caught myself saying things that upset him, and I found myself saying, "I'm sorry," more and more often. Eventually, the apologies came so frequently that the tears inevitably came, too. It was like someone opening up the floodgates. Sometimes I'd cry on and off for days and days. The pain, borne out of a sense of guilt and frustration, became overwhelming. Many times, I thought my heart would literally break.

I cried more, over a ten-year period, than most people cry in a lifetime. I sometimes wondered where all the tears came from, and why my eyes didn't shrivel up. I also wondered what kept me from just totally breaking down. I cried just as much at the end, as I did in the beginning. It was a good thing Howdy never lost the ability to express his feelings through facial expressions, and with his eyes. By understanding his bewilderment, yet seeing that loving tenderness in those eyes, I managed to keep going through the darkest days.

From the onset of Howdy's forgetfulness in 1979, until May of 1983, we lived a relatively normal life, without any major incidents. As each year passed, Howdy developed an increasing dislike for the cold winters of the North. Finally, he convinced me we should head for the warmth of the South, and we moved from Ohio to Dade City, Florida, in March of 1981. The decision to go wasn't an easy one, however, as our son, John, and his family, lived in Ohio. I knew we wouldn't see our grandchildren very often, but I was convinced moving would be the best thing for Howdy.

We lived in Florida year-round until 1986. That year we bought a house trailer back in Ohio. For the next few years, we lived six months of the year in our home in Florida, and six months in our home in Ohio. We migrated with the seasons - just like the birds.

Howdy slept a great deal of the time during those long, twenty-one hour, drives between Ohio and Florida. That gave me many hours to reflect on happier times, and I often thought of how Howdy and I met. Looking back, it seemed as if our meeting had been scripted by fate.

Chapter Two

HOW IT ALL BEGAN

In 1941, I moved with my family from our hometown of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania to Detroit, Michigan. Mary Jane and I found jobs working in factories that made components for military aircraft. We lived with our mother and my son, John, in a small, cramped apartment. I was a riveter and Mary Jane was a welder. We worked long, hard hours with few breaks, but were grateful to have jobs after the lean years of the Depression. Even though we made pretty good money, we hated living in Detroit and longed for the familiar, hilly terrain of home. So, one day early in 1944, we quit our jobs, packed up, and headed home to Pittsburgh.

Our first priority, of course, was finding jobs. Since neither Mary Jane, nor I, drove, or owned a car, we considered ourselves extremely lucky when we both found work at a bakery located just a short streetcar ride from home.

We worked the night shift with a terrific group of girls and a few men. We had a wonderful foreman named Howard. Everyone called him Howdy, and all the girls adored him because he was always smiling, or singing. It didn't take very long for me to understand why the girls were so crazy about Howdy. Not only was he very good-natured, but he also had a heart of gold. I'd never encountered such a caring, sensitive man before. Almost from the beginning, like the other girls, I had a crush on Howdy, and soon I found myself falling in love with him. Of course, I was sure he didn't know I existed.

I worked at the bakery for just a few months when a man working on the oven went into the service, and they needed to train someone to take over his job. I was surprised to find out I'd been selected, and when I learned Howdy would be teaching me how to operate the oven, I was thrilled.

The very first night of my training, Howdy carefully explained the mechanical operation of the oven, the safety precautions, and how to handle the various items that would be baked in the oven. At first, the prospect of being responsible for running such a huge and important piece of equipment was a bit overwhelming. The oven itself was as large as a small room, and if something went wrong with it, a major portion of the bakery operation would be shut down. As you might imagine, I was very intimidated, but Howdy was so patient and encouraging that my mind was soon at ease.

When Howdy finished going over all my responsibilities and answering my questions at the front of the oven, he took me to the back to show me how it fired up. He also showed me how the chain drive worked to move large trays weighing several hundred pounds each. I must have been feeling more comfortable because, as Howdy continued his instruction, I found myself looking at him out of the corner of my eye. Little did I know at the time, but Howdy was doing the same.

Not long after that, we discovered just how strongly we were attracted to each other, and eventually, we began seeing each other. From the very beginning of our relationship, Howdy was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Working at the bakery was more like a family get-together than a job, because we were all so compatible and enjoyed working together. Someone always seemed to be singing, and we laughed a lot. Most of the girls were Italian and wonderful cooks, so occasionally, we'd bring in the makings for an Italian dinner. What wonderful times we had, and we were eating like royalty! We didn't have to worry about the dough for bread or pasta - it was right there at our fingertips.

During those weeks and months, I discovered, for the first time in my life, how it felt to really be in love. And I was as sure of Howdy's love for me as I was of my love for him. The day of our marriage was the happiest day of my life.

Things were great until 1949. We'd moved to Cleveland and our lives seemed ideal. But that year, Howdy suffered a ruptured ulcer and it almost perforated the wall of his stomach. Complicating matters was the fact that I was pregnant at the same time.

For almost two years before his...