When Love Is Not Enough

iUniverse, Inc.

Contents

Chapter 1: "Christine"...................................................................................................................3Chapter 2: "Kapers Sr."..................................................................................................................7Chapter 3: "That Was Then"...............................................................................................................10Chapter 4: "This Is Now".................................................................................................................12Chapter 5: "The Impact Of Spirituality"..................................................................................................16Chapter 6: "The One Thing Parents May Not Want To Hear"..................................................................................19Chapter 7: "This Is How It Works"........................................................................................................22Chapter 8: "A Reality Check".............................................................................................................30Chapter 9: "Schools And The Media".......................................................................................................37Chapter 10: "Five"........................................................................................................................42Chapter 11: "What I Discovered"...........................................................................................................47Chapter 12: "From One Parent To Another"..................................................................................................60Chapter 13: "Final Thoughts"..............................................................................................................71Appendix: A Segment from "Spirituality and Coping of the African-American Young Adult Male": A Phenomenological Study.....................75

Chapter One

Christine. There is so much that I can say about my mother, Christine. My mother is the very essence of who I am. My mother is the one of the very reasons that this book is being written. You will not find very many women like Christine today.

Momma (who I call Christine) is the reason why I believe in God and the true meaning of faith. I remember many mornings that I would get up and see momma looking out the window, listening and having her hand on the radio, crying, praying for her family, and especially her children. I remember one morning in particular, when I saw my mother in a different light. I was never the same after that. It was on February 13, 1972, the day after my brother died. That morning for some reason, I got up a little earlier than usual. I tiptoed out of my room like I usually did so that I wouldn't disturb momma from what I now know was "her time with God". As I was walking towards the room where she was at, I noticed that momma was crying and singing. This was something that I really never expected from my momma. I knew that my mother could sing. She would sing songs by Sam Cooke, Lightning Hopkins, and contemporary singers of her time. I never heard my momma sing gospel songs before. This was the first time in my life that I knew what "faith" actually was. She had her hand on the radio, listening to Rev. Ike, praying, and crying. You must understand that during that time, radio would have late night and early morning services on the radio. Momma never attended church because she felt because she couldn't read and she didn't want to be embarrassed. She would always tell us that she didn't have anything to wear. So, Rev. Ike would tell all the listening viewers to put their hand on the radio and he would pray for them. Momma would put her hand on the radio and just weep while Rev. Ike prayed. But this crying was not the ordinary type of crying my mother usually did. It was a cry of joy. It was the type of cry that gave a peace that passed all human understanding. In her crying, she kept saying, "My faith is enough to believe in you, Lord. You know what you are doing. You gave me my son and You took him away. I don't understand why, but you know what you are doing. I will trust in you, Lord." And then she would break out in song, " I will trust in the Lord. I will trust in the Lord. I will trust in the Lord til I die." I did not understand this. How could anyone, much less a grieving mother, trust in a God who took the life of her child, and still have the faith to stand upright and thankful. I realized that momma had that one thing that she taught all of us. Momma lived by it and died by it ... spirituality. When love was not enough ... she prayed and trusted in her spirituality.

My momma was a virtuous woman. My momma was the stay-at-home mother that made sure that pop had food ready when he got home from work. Momma made sure that all of our clothes were clean, we were fed well and our homework was done. She was the disciplinarian of the family. Momma did not know how to read or write efficiently, but was known for her "mother wit", common sense and a beautiful heart. Momma would always make sure any person that came into the house was welcomed and fed. The first thing that would come out of her mouth would probably be, "Are you hungry?", "Did you eat?". Momma always cooked with these big, huge pots and even though we were poor financially, momma made rice and black eyed peas seemed like a feast. I still remember the fish, cabbage and the skillet cornbread that momma made and it became my favorite. The last time momma made it, I literally cried because that was the meal that pop always liked and she cooked it when he died. I remember the love that went into cooking it. It was that type of love of a mother that made cooking and being in a family at the time memorable and one that everyone would remember ... knowing that you are fed ... knowing that you are taken care of ... knowing that you are loved in this way.

Momma was not a very affectionate person ... at least not physically. Momma was not a touchy, feely person unless she put her hands on you when disciplining you. Momma's love was also shown through her whippings. YES.... I said whippings (beatings). Momma was the one person me, my brothers and sisters feared, especially if we did something wrong. "Pop" had to be the nurturing one. At times, I believed Pop was scared of momma and what she would do if we (or him) stepped out of line. Momma always believed that you were to do the right thing (no matter what) and if you didn't get what she was telling you through talking, she would show you even better. Momma was tough. Even if momma was wrong, it wasn't our place to tell her that she was wrong, or that she made a mistake. That was always reinforced by pop and between the two of them, there was an order of discipline and respect that was to be given to the two of them and any adult that walked in and out of our path. Momma did this to make sure that we knew that we could always depend upon the two of them, and to stay a child as long as we could. It was not our place to be grown ... but to "grow" and grow like the mindset of Jesus. I've always remembered 1 Corinthians 13: 11 and I've always kept that in my heart: "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put...