CHAPTER 1

Journey to Authenticity

In the breakdown moment, the very thing you have feared, resisted, deniedwill stand before you shaking its finger in your face and sticking its tongueout at you. It will show you things about yourself that you refused to see oracknowledge. It will tease you, taunt you, push you, pull you to the verge ofbreaking down. In fact, that is its purpose. In the breakdown moment yourdefences breakdown, your fantasies shatter, your excuses fail, your resistanceerodes. In t-hat moment when there is nothing standing between you and thething you fear most, you will be forced to step into your greatness becausethat is what life is demanding of you (Until Today, Iyanla Vanzant)

UGANDA

Show up as yourself—all the time! In Uganda, I was absolutely luckyand privileged to work for one of the brightest women entrepreneurs on theContinent in her Agriculture Seed and Production Company. One of thewomen there asked me, "Why do you play small?"

My first reaction was that she was talking about my weight as theconversation was previously on the different types of African food that Iwas sampling.

I responded "I play small because I work out" and I chuckled!

She hit me with a blank stare!! "Do you know that you have a responsibilityto yourself, to your ancestors, to your spirit?" Ok now it was getting serious,now it was time for me to pay attention. "What do you mean?"She said "It is your responsibility to excel, to glow, to do what you know youcan do. It makes no sense holding it all back! What are you saving it for?

Why do you give one single thought to what other people think? Those whoare for you and what you stand for will remain, the rest are passing throughon your journey, leave them, and continue along your path! Please, honouryour responsibilities, your purpose and your ancestors. There is no way thatyou will go off course, off target without getting back on track. You said tome that all things are lessons didn't you? Well there it is! It is time!"That conversation arrived and basically cemented my decision to be myselfand stop the feeling that I needed to be perfect and to prove that I wasworthy, that I "made it". In that moment I knew that to be just be me isand will always be the best decision that I could ever make in any andevery situation.

HOME

Somehow there was always something happening around my life thathad to be sanitised. Ever since I've known myself, I believed that I mustonly show my good side to "outsiders" as I would be considered lessthan worthy and I in return that is what I demanded of the "outsiders".I would hear the adults at the house on the Terrace where I grew uptalking and the conversation seemed most of the time to be about whowas making mistakes and being foolish, who was not being a goodmother and wife. That shaped my view on what it meant to be excellentand suitable.

I made up my mind. I would be perfect. That meant doing well inschool, speaking well, behaving like a proper lady in public. This wenton to me making up my mind to get married, have a good marriage,get a good job and do everything well. There would not be a familyconference on me for sure!

Self imposed perfection, can be demanding especially when it's untrue!I found myself working harder to keep up an image rather than workinghard on what really mattered like being true, honest and saying how Ireally felt. I did not let people know where I was or how I felt! If anyoneasks, how are you? I'm fine! I wasn't fine! But I programmed myself tosay and act "fine"

I was the poster child for having it all together, for being "fine". I didwell at school, boys were not even on my radar, I didn't go to parties. Iwas content to be at home reading or watching football. When I askedto go out, it was rare and if I was told no I would be upset for days andwalk around the house in a funk, talking to no one even when spokento. It drove my folks crazy.

Getting married at a very young age and being the first one in thefamily for a long time, I strongly believed that there was an expectation,a precedent set. And where did I get that from? I made it up! We makeup stories to facilitate our position. Many times the stories are not onlyuntrue, they are negative! Lesson learnt was if you are making up storiesmake them positive and affirming!

From my family's perspective, I was lucky. I found someone whowas young, ambitious and good looking. Girlfriend had hit jackpotaccording to all and sundry, don't mess it up ok Yaki?

Mess it up? No chance of that and the image of all is well. My entiremission was to keep up the perfect scenario. No matter what happens,everything is fine, and everything will be fine! I will make it so!

I met Jay while we were both at school. The first time I saw him I thoughthe was scorching hot! Tall and slim with a certain quiet presence. Whenwe started talking, the guy was smart as well. Jackpot!!

We were introduced by one of my neighbours; they were both in thesame class at school. It didn't take long for us to become inseparable!Secretly I couldn't believe that someone that scorching liked me, Ithought it impossible since in my mind I was still the fat girl from theneighbourhood, but this guy seemed genuinely interested. School wasa distraction. We couldn't wait to be independent, then we could dowhatever we liked! In the meantime, the plan was to spend every freemoment together and anyone who had a problem with that well justtoo bad!

For my folks they...