Way to Go

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Foreward................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................ixIntroduction............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................xiAcknowledgements........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................xvChapter One Is there anything out there that can help us to communicate more effectively with parents?.................................................................................................................................................................................................1Chapter Two The Discovery of the Positive Communication Theory.........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................7Chapter Three Who are we? Two very different schools yield very similar results........................................................................................................................................................................................................................13Chapter Four The Proof that Positive Communication Works!..............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................17Chapter Five TELL "Tell the Teacher More Day"..........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................23Chapter Six TELL Engage in the best avenue of communication for each family............................................................................................................................................................................................................................31Chapter Seven TELL Listen without defense to the parent. Confrontation can lead to fear for both teachers and parents..................................................................................................................................................................................39Chapter Eight TELL Lead as the professional! In the educational arena, the teacher is the professional. If schools were hospitals, teachers would be the doctors. They would be diagnosing, treating, adjusting, monitoring progress, etc. Indeed, teachers are the professionals......................47Chapter Nine Conclusions...............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................57References:.............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................61

Chapter One

Nothing concerns me more as a school administrator or causes me more angst as the fear of unhappy parents. Very early in my career as an early childhood administrator, I vividly remember a mommy physically backing me up to the wall with her jabbing words and bullying attitude. It seemed there had to be more going on than her discontent with a teacher who "wasn't loving enough" toward her child. I clearly remember her saying to me while I was literally up against the wall in my office "Don't you want to hit me?" That's when I knew there was something clearly wrong with this picture. I had to figure out how not to get into this situation or one like it ever again. I was defenseless and appeared weak by not responding to her threats and taunting. She calmed down when I wouldn't respond. So, first thing I learned – diffuse anger by listening and staying calm.

My deeper concern was how to prevent a parent from getting this angry in the first place. In my attempt to get to the root of the problem and to please this mommy, I talked with the daddy. He assured me that when it comes to her child she easily gets upset. What a shock to find out he was a lawyer! Was she taunting me to get a lawsuit?

My goodness, this situation was becoming even more difficult to resolve by the moment. There had to be a way to prevent this from happening again. Years went by as together the teachers and I took workshops, read books, collaborated about our concerns with whom we termed "difficult parents." Most of us if not all of us were also parents as well as educators. We knew how important a child's welfare and educational experience is to the parent. Steven A. Kaatz (DeBruyn, 1999) writes "A special danger in Lutheran schools is that some parents expect perfect children in perfect rows behaving perfectly. There may be an honest disconnect between what the parent expects of school personnel and what the school personnel expects of themselves. What the parent really wants is an educator who has a personal touch and who is 'authentic.'" Jane Henderson (DeBruyn, 1986) writes in her research that "for the truly unreasonable parent, there is no easy answer. It is helpful to remember that what might be perceived as unreasonableness, may actually be fear and lack of trust in school people, or in institutions in general. Non-defensiveness and calm on your part can go a long way in calming that parent down."

Being a private school, pleasing parents is compounded because we know parents have a choice as to where they place their child for a formal education. Years came and went. We employed various strategies to help with difficult parents and attempts to be proactive. We held parent conferences and parent orientations to discuss the importance of going to the teacher at the first sign of concern to help keep the lines of communication open.

We drafted policies and followed procedures within our policy handbooks and parent agreements that had to be signed by all parents. We still had occasional issues and were always looking for another strategy to help us become more proactive and confident in dealing with our parents – a strategy we could all use consistently and depend upon for communicating with parents.

As a faculty and staff we determined that should a parent come to us with a concern or questions regarding another teacher and their child, we would...