We know that death comes to one and all. Intellectually, I was somewhat prepared, but emotionally I was not. Death is never easy and worst when it's a parent. We experience so much more grief and pain that we sometimes get mad at the entire world. We question ourselves, we sometimes even question the Lord, but we have to remember that death is the cycle of life. Someone is born and someone dies. Please allow me to share some of my memories of parents with you. Who they were, their death and how it affected me. Also, how I was able to get over my loss, my depression and find peace

UNDERSTANDING WHEN IT'S TIME TO LET GO

HOW I SAID GOODBYE TO MY PARENTSBy ASHA SHAMKARRAN

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2012 Asha Shamkarran
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4772-0550-1

Contents

Introduction......................................xixWe Were Lying.....................................1As Parents........................................9Mom...............................................17Dad...............................................25Parent and Child Relationship.....................31Community Person..................................37Coping Without Parents............................41Accepting and saying good-by......................45

Chapter One

WE WERE LYING

No one can feel or understand that pain unless you were or you are in that situation. There were friends and relatives that passed away in my family, I accepted them passing with less pain than what I felt when my parents passed away.

You see when I lost my mother I thought that my world was coming to an end. I cried every day and night for the good and sometimes for the bad memories. I could not pass by an ambulance. I would just cry. I was running from my car to her house, when the ambulance was taking her away, not knowing that she will be gone forever. I then and now understood what it was like to lose a parent, but I still had my Daddy.

Then, 18 months later my Daddy passed away. The hurting was more intense than before. Here I am, now without any parent, an orphan.

NO DAD, NO MOM JUST MY MEMORIES

So, we can share the sorrow, but until we are in that situation, we will never be able to understand one's true feelings of losing a parent.

When I was growing up, they were just my Dad and Mom. They were always there. Together, they worked in the fields and also had time left over for their children. They helped out in the community, helped a neighbor if need be, and other family members. They were always there for us when we got hurt, or when we did something good. They were also there when we did something wrong to discipline us for our own benefit. They were sincere in their protectiveness, their support and their responsibilities. They cared deeply for their children and worked very hard to be able to provide for us.

There is a saying that a father's job is to bring home the bacon. Well, both my parents took on that role. Together, they shared all responsibilities as far as their families and friends were concerned.

I think that I grew up not knowing if I respected or if I was afraid of my parents. Just a look from my Dad and I knew exactly what to do or how to behave. They taught us the good values and morals of life and how to use them to make a difference in our lives and others around us. They always put their children before everything else, never thinking about their wealth, happiness, health or prestige. They were two people living a life as perfect as one could. We, the children, were very fortunate to have been born to two such wonderful people, living their lives as an example to give us a chance to continue their legacy, a life of true devotion, honesty and respect for all.

They were loving parents, always ready to get involved in things that would make a difference for the well-being of their families. They would play games, cricket go to the park and such, but the most important of all was their willingness to help us grow intellectually and spiritually. They were always happy to sit and look at their children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren grow and prosper in their adventures in life. My parents were always ready to give advice, show their affection, concerns, and love for all, but never judging anyone. They were neither perfect nor faultless. They were simple and lived a simple life, but their hearts were rich.

I love my parents because they were always there for me. They were fun to be around and never intentionally caused their families any unhappiness. They shared my happiness and my sorrows without any judging or criticism but always had their love flowing.

My parents were both from very poor families. Daddy was the third child from a family of thirteen brothers and sisters and Mom was the second child of thirteen brothers and sisters. They had to work very hard to support their children and also assisted both sides of their families. I learned from my elder brother and sister about how tough life was for them when they had just gotten married, but they never gave up. Everyone on both sides of the families looked up to them, with love and respect. If ever anyone needed advice they always turn to Dad and Mom. They were always there in sickness, in happy times and in sad times to give whatever comfort and support that they could give.

They played a very big part in the various communities that they lived in. They were very spiritual, and encouraged growth of spiritually at home and in the communities. They lived their lives according to our spiritual book, 'The Bhagwata Gita'. They were true devotees of Lord Krishna.

My parents lived their lives to the fullest. They were very loving, committed and caring individuals. They were simple and lived as such. My parents loved each other very much. When my mother was alive she always told us that if my father died first she would go in that coffin with him. If they were unhappy about something, they never let us know or show it.

I understand that a day will come when we will have to leave this world. We all came into this world and we will also have to leave one day. Their deaths have left me feeling very empty at times, very lonely and very sad, but I know that they are my angels looking down on me. I miss their loving voices, their warn hugs and just about everything about them.

There are so many things that I want to share with them and believe me I do continue to talk to both of them very often, for I know that they are listening to me from somewhere above.

A PARENTS LOVE


I gave you life, but cannot live it for you.
I can teach you things, but I cannot make you learn.
I can give you directions, but I cannot be there to lead you.
I can allow you freedom, but I cannot account for it.
I can take you to church, but I cannot make you believe.
I can teach you right from wrong, but I cannot always decide for you.
I can buy you beautiful clothes, but I cannot make you beautiful inside.
I can offer you advice, but I cannot accept it for you.
I can give you love, but I cannot force it upon you.
I can teach you to share, but I cannot make you unselfish.
I can teach you respect, but I cannot force you to show honor.
I can advise you about friends, but cannot choose them for you.
I can advise you about sex, but I cannot keep you pure.
I can tell you the facts of life, but I can't build your reputation.
I can tell you about drinking, but I can't say "no" for you.
I can warn you about drugs, but I can't prevent you from using them.
I can tell you about lofty goals, but I can't achieve them for you.
I can teach you about kindness, but I can't force you to be gracious.
I can warn you about sins, but I cannot make you moral.
I can love you as a child, but I cannot place you in God's family.
I can pray for you, but I cannot make you walk with God.
I can teach you about the Lord but I cannot make Him your Lord.
I can tell you how to live, but I cannot give you eternal life.
I can love you with unconditional love all of my
life ... and I will!!!
~Author Unknown

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