Sammy and Luci

It is time to go to bed. What happened to her? She suddenly stopped all communication with me. I hope that she is fine and getting better. I cannot get it out of my head. Come on; I am sure I was not much help with her situation. I wish I could make it up to her, but why do something unpleasant in the first place that you feel the need to make up for?

The window is open. It is early summer, and it is nice out. The air is cooler than the last few days, but it feels lovely. It is such a pleasant change from the short heat wave.

A man is talking very fast outside, just talking, and he is walking back and forth. He is mumbling, and all of a sudden his voice grows very loud.

"I think everyone is looking at me. Why is everyone looking at me? I am not doing anything. Did I ask for money or anything? No. Then why are they looking at me?" I look down and see that there is no one else in the street at that moment. He is by himself.

Sammy, a tall Caucasian man of about 130 pounds, is an addict. He is addicted to crack cocaine and meth. This deep into drugs, he has written his own death sentence; sooner than later he is dead if serious help is not found.

Sammy was a car salesman. A successful salesman, to boot, was selling high end new cars. He had a nice family and a nice picket-fence house. He was rolling in the dough. I am talking about two years in a row of over 200 G's per year. Enough money to make many of their dreams come true. Since he was a control freak, he controlled the money. The wife had no say in the running of the finances. Actually, she had not much say in about anything. She would get a good chunk of allowance every month for running the home. Sammy also gave her money for her personal expenses. He did not spare any money when it came to his wife and children. He made sure they were provided for. He had everything but he still felt empty. He felt something was missing in his life.

Selling cars is fast-paced, shrewd, and thrilling. He was lacking that in his home life, and more than anything he wanted a thrill in his personal life. He had the money for it, but he did not know what kind of a thrill would be exciting to him. He was getting bored with his home life. He felt he was not being challenged there anymore. He provided and worked diligently to achieve a good home for his family, but now, when he got into his car to head home, it was not like before. Before, he looked forward to going home. He couldn't wait. He had ants in his pants all day just waiting to go home. He showed customers pictures of his wife and children whenever he got the chance. He glowed with the love he had for his family, and his customers picked up on that. His success was because of his family.

But now that happiness and giddiness was not there anymore when he turned the ignition key to head home. He was not happy when he got into his expensive, fully loaded, fast and comfortable car, with its stereo system with built-in equalizer and eight strategically placed speakers! Sammy loves music. He even likes country and western. Not all types of country and western, like the really heavy, twangy, sad country music. Not his style. But he really likes Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, Dwight Yoakam, Shania Twain, Tim McGraw, and the Dixie Chicks. Sammy lived his life crassly through Johnny and Willie and he respected the Dixie Chicks cause they had balls! He also liked the country songs by the Eagles and one of his all time favorite bands, Lynyrd Skynard. And Elvis! Sammy is listening to new Eminem today and singing along with him. The words he knows.

Sammy really does not have anyone to restrict him. As a child he got away with murder. Sammy's wife (since this is about Sammy and Luci, and Luci is not Sammy's wife, you give Sammy's wife any name you see fit) was doing her own thing. As long as the money was coming in and she was taking care of herself and her children, she did not care what was happening with Sammy or to Sammy. She loved Sammy but loved her kids more. She wanted all the comforts for her daughters and she did everything with them. She would take them shopping, to restaurants, visiting with friends, and on trips. That is how she made herself happy, being with her kids. If Sammy came along, fine; but if he didn't, she would take the kids and kiss Sammy on the lips and leave him at home all by himself. She thought Sammy was happy like this. He had his good job, a faithful wife totally dedicated to their children, and beautiful daughters who loved their daddy. But did they really love Dad or just what Dad was providing for them? Would they still love Dad if he had no money to provide for them or a nice home for them to live in?

Sammy really did not enjoy staying at home all by himself. He easily got bored just hanging around the house in his lonesome. Where is my family? Why am I not with them? They asked me to come, but I only will be in their way. Let them do their own thing. I'll go with them next time. Next time comes, and again the excuse that I am tired and need to rest. Sammy's wife would not, even once, insist on him coming with them. Maybe that was all he was looking for: Please, honey come with us; we want you to come with us; we are not going if you don't come. He got none of that. Instead he would get, "Oh, okay. Me and the kids are going to a movie, then to eat out with their friends. Have a good night, honey." Kiss on the lips and out the door.

Sammy then decided that he needed some excitement in his life away from his work and home. He decided he was going to hang out with the guys at work more often instead of going to a home that eventually would be empty during the night. Sammy's wife went out pretty much every night with their girls (reader: you can also name the daughters). On the rare occasions that they were home, she would make sure the kids were busy with something, so really no quality time was spent with Dad. The girls didn't mind this arrangement either. Their perception of their dad was not much of love but more of duty.

He didn't have any real buddies. He had maybe four friends he had known since high school. Like him, his high school chums were married with children. Three out of four did hardly anything outside their family activities. But they did really cool stuff. One of Sammy's friends took his family on a hot air balloon camping trip the year before. They had so much fun. They came over and showed the pictures to Sammy and his family. The other guys would visit during Christmas and birthdays and usually talk about the old times. Not about what is happening right now in their lives. Mostly the women talked about that, their lives today. But the guys mostly talked about the good old high school and college days. Sammy did not go to college, and he was always embarrassed about it in front of his close friends.

The guys at work were more like him. Some had wives; majority of them were divorced, with little or no higher education. So he could relate to them better than the other group of friends. The guys at work were also fun. So he started hanging out with the work buddies and checking out the local strip bars. The guys at work had been on Sammy's case to come out with them and have a good time. Why can't I do that? Sammy would ask himself. There is no reason that says I can't do that. I am going to do it. After awhile night clubs and casinos were added to the roster. When you are buying drinks for...