It has been over two years since mamas angels came and carried her home to be with the Lord. It seems like it has only been weeks when mama was teaching my children Joanie and Anthony how to cook cornbread on top of the stove. And teaching me her way of cooking her style of Tea cakes. We all miss them so much. She was loved by everyone that passed by her. She was my momma, my guide for Christian living. Her ears were for everyone who wanted to talk. She was my shoulder to lean on when I was feeling low. She was always there for me, she was my best friend. I reminisce about all the things she taught me in the last six months she was on earth. I inhaled so much. I know mama is happy where she is. She is there with my daddy, Otis and my brother Ozen and my sister, Mary Fish. I miss them so very much. When I exchange my place I will be there too. What a reunion that will be, she left behind fourteen five generations and alot more. I know God blessed her and God blessed us. Sometimes I feel some part is missing and wish they were all here, I can't be greedy though, God has them now. I am reminded of them most everyday from someone else that misses them too. I know God had a plan and he don't make any mistakes and I know she is in a much better place. But we all miss her as a mom to guide all of her children in the right direction. I am proud to write that she was my momma and we all loved her. My mama was 21 days from her 90th birthday when she left this earth.

Ruby Howell and all of Belvie and Otis Sanders' children. 2006

I was not ready to give up

I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1999. I had gone to two doctors and told them that I had a dent in my breast that was not normal. All they would say was, "when is your next x-ray?" I told them, in two different visits, that i could not have an x-ray. I had to wait four months. So finally, the four months were up and I had an x-ray. Sure enough it was cancer. It had gotten into to limp nods also. They gave me a radical removal. It was hurting so bad. If no one has ever had a doctor tell you have cancer, they would not understand the pain. I cried so much. I went through the operation twice to get the cancer. I would like to tell everyone reading this, don't always let the doctor decide for you. If you know something is wrong, please do something about it. It is your life, not theirs. On July 4th 2000 my doctor called and apologized to me over the telephone. He said he was truely sorry, I told him thank you, but don't you think it is a little late for that. Doctors are human too. They make mistakes too. But, to top things that were already bad, my husband made a ninety degree turn around. He told me to go on and die because I had cancer. He was mad at me for getting cancer. I had always tried to look my best in what ever I wore; I was not built badly either. But this became hard because I lost my hair, and one night while I was lying in my bed very sick, he told me this about me dying. And I asked him "do you see my hand? Jesus has me in the palm of his hands and I am not going to die, I am going to fight it."

I took six long months of chemo. After I had my last treatment, he was trying to come out of denial. I went to school on this. I am a survivor. I went to my cancer doctor yesterday. He told me, "Before I didn't think you would make it." He dismissed me yesterday July 29th 2005. I do not have to come see him anymore. You know, you have to make it up in your mind, that you are going to be alright, even when you were so sick that you thought you would not make it. I had to work at it one day at a time. I am sixty years old; I have two children, five grand-children and three great grand-children. I made it on my own with Jesus' help. I am a survivor.

I do not get the coping book. I have always got it from the doctor's office. They let me have it. It is good and uplifting for me. Thanks for coping, I made it!

FEBRUARY 13,2005

I myself needed a new Christmas tree, so I went to Wal-mart to get one. While I was trying to decide, my banker for many years came up. Larry came to Wal-mart for and extra extension cord. He has 4 children and 4 grand-children. I have 2 children, 5 grandchildren and 3 great-grand children. I talked to my daughter; she thought he was a nice guy. I talked to my son Anthony, he was so proud I wasn't going to be a hermit in a shell. He was glad I was getting on with my life. Larry and I are still wondering what happened to us, cause the only thing we can do is pray and ask the Lord to guide us to make the right choices.

Getting back to Wal-mart when I saw Larry I asked him what he had planned for New Years Eve. He said they were going to shoot some fire works in the church yard. I looked at him and said "In the church yard?" he said "yes", I told him "I had never heard of messing up a church yard". As he started to leave he looked back and said, "If you never saw it, come join us, the church would be happy to have you, that is if you don't have anything to do".

New Years Eve came, my daughter didn't invite me to her home because there was going to be drinking. I thought what would it hurt. So I called Larry and asked him where his church was, it took two tries to get there I thought that was the longest road and it was very dark, not many houses. I finally saw the church sign. But before I came in I told Larry not to leave me because I didn't know anyone. Sure enough he didn't. He was grilling chicken and his son was grilling spare ribs. I stood out there with Larry. We were talking about his grandchildren, I proudly said "I have 3 great-grandchildren". He looked at me and said "your to young to have a great-grandchild". I told him I was probably older than him. He looked at me and said, "you are only 45 days older than me". I looked at him and sad what else do you know about me?" That's all he said. When we got through eating we all went in the big church where we had a beautiful gathering. The preacher asked what did we want to do for the New Year. They gave out a slip of paper and a pin. He said" when you are through come to the front of the church and nail them on this cross". (The pastor had made, it was a nice one). They were all going up and nailing them to the cross with a big-big hammer. Larry and I got up and we nailed ours to the cross. Its was a beautiful service. When service was over the preacher said "Its time to shoot some fireworks." Boy, the kids jumped for joy, they were ready. We all went out and Larry built a big bon fire. So we could roast marshmallows. The children were having the time of there lives. Some of the children roasted me some; they were burnt, but they were very good. Just like I like them. I pulled so many off the wire that I had to go wash my hands, they were sure sticky. As a few left with smaller children, I stood by the fire to warm, it was cold that night. It was winding down, Larry and a few more stood around the fire and talked about the coming of the Lord, which I enjoyed because I feel he is coming sooner than people expect. So larry walked me around the front of the church and I gave him a half a hug and told him" Happy New Year". He told me he hoped I had a good time. I left.

So I went to my daughter's house, but before I got so far down 105 I had them blue lights on me. They said I was speeding; I was listening to my tapes and singing along. So I was stopped between 105 and 15. They asked me for everything, but I couldn't find anything. I...