It was a time when color television was the newest technology, the hula hoop was the latest fad and the evening news typically began with coverage of the Vietnam War. At 116 Nevada Street in Dubuque, Iowa, life was reasonably good. In this memoir, author Roger Neuhaus reminisces about his life in this time period, growing up as one of eight children in a strict Catholic family. Nostalgic and often humorous, (Mostly) True Confessions of a Recovering Catholic tells of a neighborhood filled with youthful adventures and an array of Catholic grade school and church experiences, including a colorful cast of mischievous characters. This anthology of anecdotes takes place from the late 1960s through the mid-1970s, addressing the changing times of the era. Neuhaus narrates tales of a simpler time and place, one filled with the wonder, excitement, and playfulness of youth. (Mostly) True Confessions of a Recovering Catholic shows how the teachings of the Catholic Church and his family's core values worked to shape the future of one young man.

(MOSTLY) TRUE CONFESSIONS OF A RECOVERING CATHOLIC

By Roger Neuhaus

iUniverse, Inc.

Copyright © 2011 Roger J Neuhaus
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4620-3489-5

Contents

1. First Recall........................................................12. Let it Snow.........................................................43. Frank and John's....................................................64. Polka Dots and Harpo................................................95. Hot Wheels Track....................................................136. Oh No, Big Bro......................................................167. Gasoline Alley and More.............................................198. The More the Merrier................................................259. Search for Tomorrow.................................................3010. Mark Mac...........................................................3411. Phelper............................................................3712. The Lyness Brothers................................................4213. Take Me to the River ... and Back..................................4614. Catfish Creek and Twin Sisters.....................................5115. Craig and Bakes....................................................5416. Bound for the Big Leagues..........................................5617. Field of Dreams....................................................5918. Tree Heist.........................................................6419. Sherwood Forest....................................................6920. Urban Sprawl and the Mall..........................................7321. Pixie Shmixie!.....................................................7722. The Family that Prays Together Strays Together.....................8023. Driving Lessons....................................................8524. My Sister, the Mayor...............................................8925. Uncle Donnie Takes a Dive..........................................9626. Paula and Pat......................................................10127. Say It Ain't So, Joe...............................................10428. Uncle Who?.........................................................10829. Good Knight, Bad Knight............................................11130. Cousin Kevin to the Rescue.........................................11531. School Friends.....................................................12132. Kipper, by George..................................................12533. First Taste........................................................12934. Paying the Price...................................................13435. Bingo!.............................................................13736. Fiasco at the Field House..........................................14337. College Kids.......................................................14738. Ken Comes Around...................................................15139. Viva la France.....................................................15940. Sex Education......................................................16341. Radio Lunchtime....................................................16942. Oky Doky...........................................................17243. Shleets Slips Up...................................................17544. Ostey, Cos, Brownie and Alfie......................................18045. Graduation.........................................................186

Chapter One

First Recall

I grew up in Dubuque, population 50,000-something, in the northeast section of the great State of Iowa, on the banks of the Mississippi River where the Hawkeye state, Illinois, and Wisconsin seek unsuccessfully to connect. It was the 1960's and 1970's. Things were simple, and people treated one another like family. Summers were sticky and humid and packed with adventure; winters were frigid and too long; the fade of autumn was sad; and the first signs of spring inspiring.

It was a time when color television was the newest technology, the hula hoop was the latest fad, the first videogame (Pong) was yet to be introduced, and the evening news typically began with coverage of American soldiers fighting a misunderstood war in a faraway land called Vietnam. All in all, life was resoundingly good in Dubuque. Of course, back then, we had nothing to compare it to.

The earliest memory I can recall about being the sixth of eight children in a Catholic school and church-going family, was in the basement of my family home at 116 Nevada Street, commonly referred to by my siblings and me simply as '116'. It was a mid-October day in 1965 or '66 at 116. Ken Neuhaus had fathered eight children in the first eleven years of marriage to his wife Mary (don't let the 'holy' name fool ya, as there was nothing immaculate about these undeniably Catholic conceptions) and now spent most of his days and nights working multiple jobs to feed them. He had driven to his day job at the loading dock of Torbert Drug Company that morning in the baby blue 1962 Buick family station wagon—the kind with a rumble seat facing out the back. The rumble seat was a favored place in the car, and inevitably, three of the eight Neuhaus offspring fought over it on family drives; apparently, there was something alluring about inhaling the carbon dioxide fumes that crept in the window as we tooled along. The sun was bright, pretending to be warm, but the cool wind that blew that morning kept my younger brother Greg and me playing in the house instead of outdoors.

In the basement of the house, a musty aroma always prevailed amidst the limestone block walls and hard concrete floors. I must have been about four years old, and Greg was about two. We were playing together, but kind of doing our own separate things as we passed the hours. While we awaited the greater excitement that came with the older kids returning home from school, I decided to play a trick on Greg and see what kind of reaction it would bring. In retrospect, it was a really poor decision on my part. Like so many other things that go awry in life, it seemed like a good idea at the time and turned out to be anything but.

As Greg played on the floor with the contents of Dad's tin red toolkit strewn around him, I approached him from behind with an illuminated flashlight pointed upward from below my chin. In such a sparsely lit area, the distortion of my face proved a bit unnerving. In the scariest voice a four-year-old could muster, I began to tell Greg I was a ghost. He verbalized his belief that it was just I, but he began to tremble, trying to convince himself of what he was saying. I persisted with my act and expounded that I was actually the ghost of Roger because I had killed the real Roger and was now about to kill him. Apparently, Greg did not feel his young life should be over just yet, so in a reactive motion of self-defense, the resourceful and terrified toddler lifted a ball pin hammer from the tool kit, raised it over his head with both hands, and brought it down on my forehead with a force I had seen only one other time in a coyote and roadrunner cartoon on TV.

Boooom! Down like Jack from the beanstalk went the ghost of Roger, who, as it turns out, must have known our mother somehow, because he ran up the basement stairs instinctively while frantically screaming for her as he held his hands over his nose, now gushing bright red blood from both nostrils. Perhaps it's not such a good idea to back even the smallest of opponents into a corner. Thus, the first of many life lessons I can recall learning the hard way during my...