"If there is one book you should read on the Rwandan Genocide, this is it. Tested to the Limit-A Genocide Survivor's Story of Pain, Resilience, and Hope is a riveting and courageous account from the perspective of a fourteen year- old girl. It's a powerful story you will never forget." -Francine LeFrak, founder of Same Sky and award-winning producer "That someone who survived such a horrific, life-altering experience as the Rwandan genocide could find the courage to share her story truly amazes me. But even more incredible is that Consolee Nishimwe refused to let the inhumane acts she suffered strip away her humanity, zest for life and positive outlook for a better future. After reading Tested to the Limit, I am in awe of the unyielding strength and resilience of the human spirit to overcome against all odds." -Kate Ferguson, senior editor, P.O.Z. magazine "Consolee Nishimwe's story of resilience, perseverance, and grace after surviving genocide, rape, and torture is a testament to the transformative power of unyielding faith and a commitment to love. Her inspiring narrative about compassionate courage and honest revelations about her spiritual path in the face of unthinkable adversity remind us that hope is eternal, and miracles happen every day." -Jamia Wilson, vice president of programs, Women's Media Center, New York

TESTED TO THE LIMIT

A Genocide Survivor's Story of Pain, Resilience and HopeBy CONSOLEE NISHIMWE

BALBOA PRESS

Copyright © 2012 Consolee Nishimwe
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4525-4958-3

Contents

Preface........................................................ixIntroduction...................................................xiChapter 1: A Thousand Hills....................................1Chapter 2: Family Values.......................................8Chapter 3: Troubles at School..................................14Chapter 4: The Glass Is Full...................................21Chapter 5: Fleeing From Home...................................28Chapter 6: Into the Bushes.....................................40Chapter 7: Back and Forth......................................55Chapter 8: Changes in Once-Friendly Hearts.....................63Chapter 9: Pillar of Strength..................................74Chapter 10: Farewell to Angelic Brothers.......................85Chapter 11: Sheltered By Muslims...............................96Chapter 12: Conflicted Rescuers................................107Chapter 13: True Saviors.......................................125Chapter 14: Homeward Bound.....................................135Chapter 15: Facing New Challenges..............................147Chapter 16: Struggling with Emotions...........................156Chapter 17: Testing for HIV....................................167Chapter 18: Finding Hope.......................................179Epilogue.......................................................191Acknowledgements...............................................195About The Author...............................................199Glossary.......................................................201Resources......................................................203

Chapter One

A THOUSAND HILLS

My country Rwanda is a small but beautiful country in central Africa. It is often referred to as the land of the thousands hills due to the many gentle hills that can be found throughout. God created this serene land for us Rwandans and others to harmonize with each other and to enjoy in all its' splendor. I was born and raised in the western part of the country in Kibuye, District of Karongi. I spent my entire childhood in a small town called Rubengera which I grew to love so much from the time I got to know "a wheat and a leaf green". Kibuye is one of the more beautiful places in Rwanda. It is endowed with luscious green and hilly landscape interspersed between the glistening and enchanting Lake Kivu, which majestically winds its way through many parts of Kibuye, with several small inviting islands scattered within it. Like many other parts of Rwanda, Kibuye enjoys a very cool, fresh and moderate temperature throughout the year which many visitors find amazing.

I lived a happy childhood with good parents who were just regular primary school teachers but who were full of love and worked together to create the best for their family and community. I was also blessed to have loving siblings and relatives and good friends and neighbors with whom I shared the best of everything with love, joy and togetherness.

Growing up as a child in that environment and looking forward to a great future with everyone I loved, I never imagined that one day in a flash all that I was expecting to fulfill would be violently changed by such an insurmountable tragedy as Genocide.

For the first fourteen years of my life I grew up cherishing the fact that most of my close family members were around me, which was comforting and secure. Most of us were able to see each other almost on a daily basis, as we lived not too far away from each other. I still have fond memories of spending time with my paternal grandparents who lived directly across from our home and who we visited almost every day. I also enjoyed having fun with my cousins who lived less than two miles away. Since we lived close to the main road, they frequently passed near our house going to and from their homes. My maternal grandfather died before I was born. His wife, our grandmother, lived a little bit further about thirty minutes by foot from my house, but we still managed to see her regularly, mostly on weekends.

It was a great feeling, and regular visits between family, friends and neighbors to converse, exchange pleasantries, and update each other on issues whenever the opportunity arose, was part of our way of life. In our situation during that era, given the history of Rwanda from earlier times, family and friendship meant so much to us, and we as a people respected that and saw the extreme necessity to care for and look out for one another.

As I reflect on the closeness my family shared during my childhood days, I am convinced that there is no substitute for that feeling of hope, acceptance and unity which a sincere and caring family provides, especially when faced with difficult challenges in life. Such feeling goes deep within you and positively feeds your soul.

My mom Marie-Jeanne Mukamwiza and dad Andre Ngoga were born and raised in Kibuye where they lived all their lives. They were introduced to each other by a mutual friend who had a good relationship with both of them while they were all teenaged students attending different schools in the Kibuye area. Their `chemistry' apparently clicked from the very first time they met, as after that first meeting in 1972 they became inseparable and started attending many events together in the area. Being awed by the kindness and pleasant spirit of my dad, I was curious to know what impressed my mom most about him when they first met. "Mom, please tell me ... what made you fall in love with Dad?" I asked her one day. "My child, if you must know, I loved the way he `rocked' as a goalkeeper," she laughingly replied. "That's it?" I enquired. "No Cherie, your dad showed me his pure heart from the first time we met and that was sufficient."

I couldn't contain my glee after hearing her response and ran out of the room smiling shyly from ear to ear. I immediately went in search of my younger sister Jeanette to gossip with her about what Mom had just told me.

Mom was the fourth child in her family, having an older brother Alphonse, two older sisters Rose and Esperance, and a younger brother Vincent. She came from a truly respectable family who cared very much for one another. Mom was very focused on her education, and her determination to do well was strengthened by the great difficulties they had to endure to get an education in those days. She completed her secondary school with excellent grades, and earned her diploma in technical education and later became a teacher.

Mom and Dad belonged to different Christian religions but that did not get in the way of them developing a very close relationship. Mom's oldest sister Rose was a firm believer in the Catholic faith and had encouraged her to join the faith when she was in primary school. "The Catholic church will protect us from the troubles our people faced from the Hutus in 1959 and 1963," she quipped, as she sought to convince my mom.

"Do you really think so?" Mom childishly asked. "Of course, trust me on this" replied Aunt Rose. She must have been very convincing, as Mom promptly converted from Protestant to Catholicism and is still a believer up to today.

Dad was the eldest in his family of four boys and two girls. He and his siblings grew up as a close knit family with his mom Ancille Mukabaseka and dad Paul Ngirabanyiginya. Dad was a stickler for education and used every opportunity to insist upon us...