The loss of a child is every parent's worst nightmare. For Randah Ribhi Hamadeh this nightmare became a reality. The poems in Summer Rays offer consolation to any parent on a grief journey. It is a poetic diary of loss and communication with the eternal soul. Through her poems, all bereaved parents will identify with the heartfelt pleadings of a grieving parent and the connection with her lost child. Readers will find her poetry profound as she describes the familiar, excruciating pain of a grieving parent, in particular on the special occasions where the lost child is missed; birthdays, anniversaries, Mother's Day and New Year's Day. They will also relate to her feelings of gratitude towards those who were supportive and frustration with those less understanding. Writings from the soul are cathartic not only for the authors but for all who share their unthinkable sorrow. As with any writing, when the writer takes up the pen, the muse will appear. In this case, the muse is Samar Ahmed Al Ansari, the author's deceased daughter.

Summer Rays

Solace for Bereaved ParentsBy Randah Ribhi Hamadeh

iUniverse, Inc.

Copyright © 2009 Randah Ribhi Hamadeh
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4401-5160-6

Contents

Foreword...............................................xiPreface................................................xvAcknowledgments........................................xixSAMAR..................................................1Twenty-One.............................................3A Year Has Passed......................................5Why Did You Come, 2008?................................7Eighteen Months........................................9Mother's Day...........................................11It's So Unfair.........................................13Oh, September, You Came Back Again.....................15Season's Greetings.....................................172009...................................................19Eighteen Years.........................................21Oh, Days!..............................................23I'm So Sorry...........................................25I Wish.................................................27I Miss You.............................................29Why Did I Die?.........................................31You Are a Star.........................................33You Tumbled Short of Your Dreams.......................35I Carry Her in My Heart................................37My Heart Is Broken.....................................39Days Are Not the Same..................................41The Incomplete.........................................43Going to Places........................................45Little Bo Peep.........................................47If You Had One More Day................................49Can You Take Away My Endless Pain?.....................51Why Are You Not Moving On?.............................53Don't Ask Me...........................................55How Many Children?.....................................57Men Can Cry............................................59A Mother's Grief.......................................61You Will Heal..........................................63For Those I Left Behind................................65I Am Not Walking Alone.................................67You and I..............................................69Dear Nieces............................................71Thank You, Friend......................................73Could That Have Been You?..............................75I Look for You.........................................77Never Died.............................................79Hello from Heaven......................................81Please, Mother, Don't Cry..............................83My Most Dear...........................................85You'll Find Me.........................................87About the Author.......................................89

Chapter One

SAMAR

I am glad we named you SAMAR A short name with so much power You, darling, added to it glamour And the scent of a special flower With your charisma, charm, and color A name I miss every minute and hour I miss calling you as I call your brother And your sister, beloved Qadar And I yearn for your reply: "Yes, mother" When I hear people talking to each other Mentioning the word summer It breaks my heart; I miss you, SAMAR Twenty-One Today is the day you turn twenty-one A happy day not only for me but for everyone But how can we celebrate it since you are gone When your eyes cannot see the sun? Your last birthday with us, you turned eighteen Where are the days when you were a teen? All these days have passed with you unseen How do you look now? How have you been? I wish you were here for us to celebrate This special birthday that would change your fate It is this year that you were supposed to graduate I am sure you would have excelled and been great But even though you are not here My gift is ready for you, daughter dear Poems of love and longing, so sincere A special gift to mark your age this year So here is your gift wrapped with my kisses And all my love and special birthday wishes Each letter, each word, your memory caresses And tells you that you are the one everyone misses A Year Has Passed A broken heart, mine has become From a pain that is only known to some There is no pain like a mother's pain Who is unable to see her daughter again A year has gone, my precious one Since you said, "Mum, come watch the sun." Hours later, you were called to heaven above Leaving me astounded with all those you love No tears can wash away the grief in my heart Your death has ripped my life apart The amazing woman into which you have grown Blessed with many things, let wit alone Has been chosen to leave early by the Lord Something that no one can prevent, young or old Although eighteen, you left life with a mark An older person could not have been able to spark A remarkable young woman who no one can replace Believe me, Samar, no one can fill your empty space All my life for you, dear daughter, I will grieve One year has passed, my love; do you believe? Why Did You Come, 2008? Why did you come, two thousand and eight? And why is everyone happy and feeling so great? If your intention is to bring me joy, then it is too late Since you have already determined my fate I cannot welcome another new year Without having my beloved daughter near It is amazing how everyone else wants to cheer I guess few have lost someone so dear! "Why are you so sad on this day?" I am asked "Does it coincide with the day your daughter passed? Gone should be the days that you mourn her and cry. It is over a year since your beloved daughter died!" Is there anyone who understands why I still cry And don't wish another day to come and fly And why I want to go to when my hopes were high Two years ago, when I did not know what it is like to sigh? Although my daughter is always in my heart, alive, I want her next to me, when I eat, wake up, sleep, and drive. Oh, two thousand and eight, I wish you had not arrived! I wish you would go two New Years back and my past revive! Eighteen Months Eighteen months! How did I endure? Through faith and love, that is for sure! "Time heals" is the worst of all lies As every part of me for her cries. Eighteen months! without seeing her face And without a hug or a warm embrace! The longing grows day after day And the heartache deepens along the way. Eighteen months! without her beautiful smile And without a glimpse of her profile! She is my child, the apple of my eye And thus, for her, everyday I yearn and cry. Eighteen months! I have been carrying this pain Sometimes I wonder how I managed to stay sane. Although I am surrounded with lots of love The fact remains that I wish her back from above. Eighteen months! living with the empty space A vacuum that no one can fill or replace. So help me, Lord, to keep going along It is only YOU who can make me strong! Mother's Day Mother's Day has become so incomplete As it emphasizes your empty seat It comes and triggers tremendous pain...