After a tragic drunk driving accident, the woman who had been my friend, sister, mentor, and overseer was taken from this world. Tonya survives through a tale she began before she passed away what seems like eons ago. As I promised her, the novel she began to write so long ago, I've completed. We combined words to form the story we always wanted to complete together. You Were There is based on her life story of teenage alcoholism and drug addiction, loss, fallen hope, the steps she was forced to take to clean up, and picking up the pieces to move forward with her life. Fortunately, I was there to witness the transformation, which in fact transformed me. As people, we search for great signs and inspiration; however, it can sometimes be found in the smallest places. She inspired me with her courage, understanding of life, strength and caring. I was there with her through college, and through the initial adult years before her passing.

YOU WERE THERE

By RAJAH E. SMART

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2011 Rajah E. Smart
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4567-5354-2

Chapter One

REFLECTION

There was once a fascinating woman who walked this Earth. She beat the odds stacked against her and came out on top. Life was still a struggle, but she fought through to make life easier. Towards the end of her days, she simplified life enough to only listen to her favorite musical artists, enjoy the hours in a day, and spend time with her family. Before reaching this point, she had to battle through opposition. Charging through opposition is the part of life that makes one stronger. More specifically, there's maybe one thing that happens which can trigger the opposing force to be stronger than a person is ready for, especially when you're in the teens. For Tonya, her whole life changed early and she was thrust into adulthood. Unfortunately, she didn't respond to the pressure very well, becoming an addict before the age of 20. Her family's strong values were embedded in her; however, this journey she had to take alone. Not many people knew this side of her, but I was lucky to be blessed to see the woman that emerged from this, and win her friendship, which wasn't easy to come by.

This is dedicated to one of the most inspirational people in my life, which should've been written some time ago. She taught me the meaning of life. Tonya Elise Michaels was born in the year of 1974. She became my friend and sister many years later. She would be the person that would teach me to love with an open heart instead of a defensive one. No one really understands what I mean when I say that. It's all in the definition of love. It's not a generic term thrown around as many people do, but something I feel. Family isn't necessarily blood relatives, but the people who invest in you, understand your every quirk, and love you anyway. Never clearly being understood by others or being treated poorly by people, I in turn treated people wrongly as a defense mechanism to keep people away; however, meeting her opened my heart and taught me to accept good people into my heart.

Watching her and talking with her day after day gave me a new lease on life because she was the voice I needed so much, and I was the friend she coveted. Our relationship gave me a level of importance I'd never felt before and always wanted in a friend and sibling. She beat every challenge placed in front of her and lived a life free of excessive stress or drama. She was a great artist, writer, speaker, free to enjoy the small things, and accepting of those who were different than her, where I had none of those genuine qualities. The key is that she was genuine. Her life was my anchor and my life needed her to survive. That is, until the day she was taken from me. In her death, my laughter and smile were taken from me; my patience for people and my zest for life were destroyed. That would be replaced by rage and lashing out at people for no reason. It would be years until I could understand that in her death I could live again, but it still isn't easy. Even today, I shed tears for the sister I love, but now it's clear she isn't too far from me. Several times during this writing process, I broke down in tears, remembering some of those wonderful times we shared. And yes, she really meant that much to me. The voice that helped me so many times can be heard when something reminds me of a conversation we had or a place we have been. It's scary to admit, but there was a co-dependency, and her death left me washed up on the shore.

For all those dreams she had, I've made them my dreams to fulfill for her. Her life is an inspiration to me and will forever be that. Today, I still can't bring myself to see the Godson that bears her resemblance or the parents that made her who she was; yet, they are in my thoughts. They were like my parents and always considered us twin souls as if we should have been "blood" brother and sister. They've made it clear they understand we had and have a special bond, and that bond is still very fresh in my mind. Therefore, they know it hurt me to the core, and basically paralyzed me. Though time has passed, this bond hurts me deeply when a Christmas passes and she's not here, a summer passes and we aren't walking in a park somewhere, a fall season passes and we aren't collecting leaves, a winter season passes and we aren't throwing snowballs at one another or we aren't in a car somewhere getting lost. Over the years, I've come to cope with it as I've set out to fulfill goals she set, like going to the Grand Canyon or writing a book.

As you read through the words of this story, my wish is that the reader see's her greatness, the love she shared, the wisdom she conveyed, and the life she lived. Even today she acts as my guardian because it always seems as if she points me in the right direction. Within this section, I've made reference to her in past tense, but in reality, she's alive in me. However, there are days when I wish I could reach out and touch her, hear her talk to me one more time, meet the woman that she helped me find or laugh at those ridiculous jokes she'd tell. Think about that one person in your life that means everything to you, and imagine waking up to find them pulled from your life without being sure they really understood how much you love them. For a man who finds it hard to love, this was a deafening blow to me as it hurts to communicate my words even now. There is a song that defines my relationship with her. It was composed by Kenneth "Babyface" Edmonds and speaks volumes.

'Cause you were there, when no one was, just when I thought nobody cared, you showed me love. 'Cause you were my friend, you always told me yes. And I am still here because you were there.

She truly inspired me and my hope is she does the same for many others who read the combination of her words and mine. She set out to write this book about her life and never had the chance to complete it. As we did many times before, our words become one, trying to revive and relive the many days we spent together. When she passed, my vision was taken from me; however, Jennifer L. Smart has slowly put me back together, and I can't help but think Tonya had a hand in it. I miss her so much, and will one day remove this feeling of emptiness from my chest. This is dedicated to you Tonya. She possessed a writing ability that I don't have, but I hope I do you justice.

Chapter Two

WITH A CHILDS HEART

"The moonlight beams watch over me and will protect me while I sleep. The moonlight beams watch over me and will protect me while I sleep. The moonlight beams watch over me and will protect me while I sleep," the innocent child keeps repeating. The hypnotizing light protects the little girl from thinking about the current fiasco between her mother and father. She sits upon a window seat, atop the baby blue pillow her mother made for her at birth. Steam forms on the glass because of her nose being pressed against the pane to see the bright and heavenly moon. She is the picture of an innocent child with her long red feet pajamas, and straight hair pulled pack into two ponytails. The time is 8:47 p.m. as the darkness fades out the stars and the streets lights shine poorly to provide light for anyone who is out at this time. The child can feel the soft cold on her nose being that this is the tip of the winter season, and the holidays are closing in quickly. But, she's a tad sad; listening to the pressures of being an interracial couple take...