Do you want to know the real secret to a satisfying and successful marriage? Getting—and staying—happily married is probably one of the hardest things most of us will ever attempt. In fact, marriage is so challenging that you have to marry well to start with to even have a chance of success. Even worse, the advice you’ve heard all your life is either wrong or at best incomplete. Heartbroken after his second divorce, Dr. Carroll was determined to solve the puzzle of how to have a successful marriage. Drawing on his professional expertise as a psychiatrist and a wealth of field research, he emerged with a powerful yet simple system for finding your perfect match. Using neuroscience, genetics, behavioral science, psychology, and his work with shamans and other spiritual healers, he will teach you how to "marry" science with spirituality to attract the perfect man for you - the man you were meant for - and how to get him to the altar in as little as a year. You’ll learn: • why the usual advice doesn’t work • why amazing chemistry is a bad sign • what type of man is perfectly suited for you • how to energetically attract him • how to know he’s really "the one" • and of course, how to get him to the altar! If you’re tired of the singles scene and frustrated by failed attempts at love, Don’t Settle is the step-by-step, complete solution you’ve been looking for.

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Don't Settle

How to Marry the Man You Were Meant For

By Scott Carroll

Balboa Press

Introduction, ix, 
Step I – Preparing Yourself for Marriage, 
Chapter 1: Are You Ready for Marriage?, 1, 
Chapter 2: The Secret to a Satisfying Marriage, 8, 
Step II – Is He Husband Material?, 
Chapter 3: Did He Eat the Marshmallow?, 17, 
Chapter 4: Bonding and Chemistry, 28, 
Step III – The Relationship Archetypes, 
Chapter 5: The Spectrums, 49, 
Chapter 6: Putting It Together, 65, 
Chapter 7: The Athlete, 71, 
Chapter 8: The Engineer, 86, 
Chapter 9: The Film Director, 98, 
Chapter 10: The Artist, 112, 
Step IV – Marrying Science and Spirituality, 
Chapter 11: Engaging Spirit, 125, 
Chapter 12: Aligning Yourself, 137, 
Chapter 13: Manifesting Him, 148, 
Chapter 14: How to Know He's the One, 158, 
Step V – Sealing the Deal, 
Chapter 15: Getting Him to the Altar, 165, 
Chapter 16: Advice for a Successful Marriage, 187, 
Appendix I: The Selfish Gene, 193, 
Appendix II: How to Find a Psychotherapist, 197,

CHAPTER 1

Are You Ready for Marriage?

The first step in my system is to prepare yourself for marriage. While this topic might seem a bit dull, it is critical to ensuring your future success. You wouldn't build a house on an unstable foundation, would you? We are doing the same thing here: building a solid foundation for your marriage.

To that end, please work through these seven questions to ensure you are ready to take the next step in attracting the man you are meant for. It may take some time to address all of the issues raised in these questions, but it will be time well spent because it will prepare you optimally to be married and use this system. I urge you to complete each question fully before you continue.

1. Why do you want to be married? It seems like such a simple question, but simply wanting to be married is no longer a good enough reason to get married in our modern society. Yes, there was a time, not that long ago, when being single severely limited and hampered your life, but today marriage really is a choice and not a necessity. However, the true reasons why we desire things are often not clear to our conscious minds, so find a quiet spot and give yourself several minutes in the silence to see what bubbles up from deep inside you.

Don't judge the answers that come up, because you need to be honest with yourself here. Just write them all down as they come up. Continue to quietly contemplate the question until no new answers have come up for several minutes. Afterward, look over your answers.

Healthy reasons for wanting to be married include things like seeking companionship, raising a family, or sharing some purpose together. The list of healthy reasons is long and varied, so we'll be spending much of the next chapter exploring them. For now, we just need to make sure you don't want to be married for an unhealthy reason.

Similar to the list of healthy reasons, the full list of unhealthy reasons is quite long as well, but the one thing they have in common is that they use marriage to solve a problem that is better solved by other means. For example, maybe you want to live a luxurious lifestyle. While marrying someone with good financial prospects might be smart, marrying someone just for their money isn't usually the start to a great marriage. After all, how much money does it take to stay married to someone if you can't stand being touched by him and if you can't be with whom you truly love?

Other examples include things like getting out of debt, moving out of your parents' home, or even getting out of your small town. While those things may happen as a result of a good marriage, it is generally better to accomplish these things on your own before you get married. The ironic truth of marriage is that the less you need to be married, the better your marriage tends to be.

Spend some time with your list of reasons to see if each reason can be satisfied by another means. If a reason can be satisfied by another means, commit to satisfying it by that non-marriage means.

If you want a luxurious life style, figure out how to start your own business or become successful in a lucrative profession. Similarly, if you need to get out of debt, learn how to budget and be frugal so you can do so quickly. If you want get out of your small town, start looking at job prospects in larger cities. If you satisfy those desires on your own you won't end up burdening your marriage with them.

2. Are you ready for monogamy? Unfaithfulness will destroy a marriage faster than almost anything else. Marriage means having sex with the same person for possibly longer than you've been alive.

Not everyone is cut out for that level of sameness and repetition. Could you stand going to the same restaurant for the rest of your life? You will always get the best seat and you will never need a reservation. You can also have anything you want on the menu and you can even work with the chef to change the menu from time to time — but you can never step foot in another restaurant, ever, no matter how amazing it may seem.

If you can honestly say you would be happy living that way, then you are ready for marriage.

3. Are you really single? Many people start trying to meet the next person before they have actually broken up with the last one. Don't test the waters like that. It is both dishonest and bad dating karma. Ask yourself if there is someone who thinks they are still in an exclusive relationship with you (if you have served them with a restraining order, that's good enough)?

Sit them down (in a public place, if you think they will take it badly) and tell them in no uncertain terms that your relationship is over. If you need help with telling them it's over, you can read about how to do it with class on my website (http://www.scottcarrollmd.com/saying-no-with-class/).

Similarly, do you tend to have your next boyfriend lined up, ready to go the minute you break up with your current boyfriend? Many women keep a waitlist of potential boyfriends. The problem with this is that quality men don't tend to put up with being waitlisted and you risk settling for a waitlist guy simply because he's available and you don't like to be alone.

Lose the waitlist and learn to tolerate being alone. It just takes a little practice and you can start by using your new free time to read this book and work on the exercises in it. Plus, being comfortable being alone is a wonderful gift, because it allows you to know yourself and to only be with a man because you truly enjoy being with him, not because you are uncomfortable being alone. However, if being alone makes you excessively anxious or depressed, you probably need to see a psychotherapist about it (See Appendix 2 for details on how to find one).

Another problem I occasionally see with my students is someone who is still living with their ex, usually for financial reasons. I get it, but do you think a quality man is going to want to date you if you are still living with your ex? No, he's not, because the last thing he wants to do is to star in your reality TV show. Plus, you'll probably never convince him that things are completely over and platonic with your ex.

Heck, have you even convinced yourself that it's completely over, that no part of you hopes...

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