Life's challenges can diminish our awareness of the communication occurring in our bodies, hearts, and spirits. In The Secret Life of Communication, Dr. Annie B. Wilson guides us inward so we can align the mind, body, heart, and spirit; express our own true voice; deepen our connection to the divine; and build relationships that fulfill our deepest desires. Using real-life stories from her personal journey and those of her clients, Dr. Annie B. explains communication from an holistic approach. The Secret Life of Communication discusses how to experience unity and freedom through the four layers of communication and shows you how to: build harmony in your mind, body, heart, and spirit; nurture communication with loved ones and coworkers; obtain freedom from resentment and fear; facilitate pain-free confl ict resolution; realize the joy of knowing you are enough, just as you are; and; gain unity with divine love. With humor and insight, The Secret Life of Communication teaches us how to listen and respond to all aspects of communication. It facilitates self-knowledge and healing through deeper communication with ourselves and others

The Secret Life of COMMUNICATION

Opening to Unlimited LoveBy ANNIE B. WILSON

iUniverse, Inc.

Copyright © 2012 Annie B. Wilson, PhD
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4759-4614-7

Contents

Foreword....................................................................................................xiIntroduction................................................................................................1What Happens When We Communicate?...........................................................................9Life Is a Mirror of What We Believe about Ourselves.........................................................17The Four Organs of Perception...............................................................................25The Mind Is Beautiful and Limited...........................................................................25The Body Speaks with Sensations.............................................................................28The Heart Contains Deep Wisdom..............................................................................34The Spirit Speaks Our Personal Truth........................................................................38The Four Layers of Communication............................................................................47Layer One: I want what I want, and I am right...............................................................49What to Do When Someone Else Is in Layer One................................................................63Tips for Moving through Layer One...........................................................................66Tips for Setting Clear Boundaries...........................................................................69Layer Two: I want what you want, and I am right.............................................................71Elevator Exercise...........................................................................................77What to Do When Someone Else Is in Layer Two................................................................91Tips for Moving through Layer Two...........................................................................92Layer Three: We want what each other wants, and we both are right...........................................95How to Reach New Agreements.................................................................................108Layer Four: I want what is in the highest good for all living things, and love is right.....................119Remembrance.................................................................................................127An Example of Walking through the Four Layers of Communication..............................................139Beginning in Layer One......................................................................................140Identifying Patterns........................................................................................141Moving into Layer Two.......................................................................................142Exploring with If/Then......................................................................................143Relaxing into Layer Three...................................................................................144Opening to Love in Layer Four...............................................................................145Perceiving Truth in Remembrance.............................................................................146Treating the Roots..........................................................................................147Concluding Thoughts.........................................................................................148Afterword: Self-Care in Communication.......................................................................149Receive What You Crave......................................................................................150Embrace Gentleness and Rest.................................................................................152Dwell in Gratitude..........................................................................................154Dare to Dream...............................................................................................155Tips for Self-Care..........................................................................................157Acknowledgments.............................................................................................161Notes.......................................................................................................163

Chapter One

What Happens When We Communicate?

If you've ever taken a seminar about effective communication, you probably learned that less than 10 percent of the effect of communication can be attributed to words. The rest is attributed to tone of voice and nonverbal cues. Why is that? Why can't we just say what we want to say and expect the other person to understand us? Because communication is all about interpretation—what goes on inside of us when we listen to or watch someone else communicate.

I often have conversations with my friends without their participation! I think about talking with them, imagine their responses, and then, because my thoughts are so vivid, sometimes can't remember if the conversation actually happened. We don't just communicate with our voices (or hands) and body language. Those are important because they help us to express ourselves to others. But before we ever communicate with another person, we communicate with ourselves! We do it while others are speaking, too.

Think of little Bridget. When her fingers were entwined in her hair, her body was communicating, I'm in pain! Because she didn't know how to free herself, her survival instinct probably was thinking, I'm trapped! And from the sound of her cries, I could tell that her heart was feeling scared. All of that communication was occurring in a nine-month-old baby, just as it occurs within each of us in every moment.

That's what I did one summer when my neighbor was driving me crazy. For years, I had wanted to live in an old, craftsman-style home, so it was a joyful moment when I signed the lease for the little, blue 1930s cottage with a view of the river and bright red tulips growing in its flowerbeds. After having lived in an apartment I hated for twelve months, I felt happy to be in a house again, especially one with so much charm. What could be wrong with that? Plenty!

The old wood floors creaked more than I expected, and there was a tenant in the basement. During my first few weeks in the house, I felt terrible about walking around in the morning, knowing that my neighbor might be woken up by my movements. While I did everything I could think of not to disturb her, she slammed her door every time she went in or out, and she blasted her music, even at night when I was trying to rest.

Because I had moved from a much larger apartment, I needed storage space in the little garage that came with the house. For weeks, I asked my neighbor to move some of her things to make room for me. Eventually, she gave me less than half the amount of space I had requested, but I made do.

Are you starting to see a difference between my neighbor and me? On the surface, it might seem that I was more considerate than she was. That might be, but ...

I had something to learn from this situation, something about how I was communicating with myself. Instead of dwelling on how my neighbor should change, I decided to look at what part I was playing in my own discomfort.

Every time I felt...