Scarred, but not Broken

AuthorHouse

Chapter One

It was a regular day at work; I had just walked out of my office to inquire of the receptionist my next consumer for intake. It was a little after 8:46am at which, the receptionist informed me that a plane had just crashed into the North Tower of the World Trade Center. "What?" Yes, the place where I once visited, as a little girl growing up in Brooklyn, New York. I could not believe my ears. I thought the receptionist had misreported the news, until I had seen it with my own eyes. [She had a hand held black and white TV, it was showing the recaps of the first plane flying into the World Trade Center-Tower]. All of a sudden, I saw the second plane hit the second Tower. At that moment, I thought I was watching a movie. My mouth dropped. My heart began racing. I could not believe what I had just witnessed. Although, I could not stop thinking about my relatives, whom may had been either working or tending to business in those buildings.

The World Trade Center was known to be very busy towers which various establishments took occupancy. I wasn't certain who, but I knew I had a relative employed at the Twin Towers. Immediately I telephoned my family in Texas to inquire whether they received any news from any relatives, working that day. At that time, my mother was also shaken and was not certain if my older sister or my brother-n-law or one of my cousins or uncles were working in the Towers. However, all we knew at that moment was that a family member(s) were employed there. The hours of uncertainty were pain staken; to say the least. And, because I was unable to remain focus at work, I became very emotional which resulted in me having to leave for home early. When I arrived home, I continued to phone my relatives in Brooklyn, Queens, Bronx, Manhattan and New Jersey, although, due to the high volume of calls coming into New York, I was not able to get through to any relatives, at that time.

Naturally, the phone lines were overcrowded, and this went on for hours. Finally, I received a call from my mother for she informed me that I had an uncle who had recently been laid off, the day prior. It resulted in him not being at the site, the following morning. Although the news was a relief, neither I, nor my families were able to be totally relieved; since, we still had not heard from my older sister and my brother-n-law, as well as, other relatives that were not accounted for. The feeling was indescribable, to say the least. The not knowing. The waiting. I had mixed emotions. I didn't know if I was waiting to hear the news or the death of a loved-one, or if I was waiting to hear news that a relative was located and had been airborne to the hospital. Either way, I was preparing myself psychologically for the worst; although, I was already there emotionally.

The night was long. I can't recall getting a wink of sleep. I believe it was a day or two later that I received confirmation from my mother that all relatives were accounted for; both maternal and paternal relatives. But, although our families were safe, we all still mourned. We still lost many of our own (New Yorkers). How could something so devastating, hateful, ruthless and insensitive happen, so close to home; in our backyard? Hence, many people lost loved-ones, yet the irony to this attack was that many races, ethnic groups, socioeconomic status and professionals came together.

My Uncle, the late Sheikh Ismail Abdur Rahim was one of the many, who provided onsite counseling. Many Leaders, such as the Christians-Jewish-Catholics-Muslim; as well as other Leaders came together to "set the prayers for the dead"; for the first seven days. My uncle selflessly officiated prayer vigils with Governor Pataki, in attendance. My cousin, who is the son of my late uncle, he too; along with his reserve unit partook in providing assistance. My cousin and his Reserve Unit pulled guard duty for three months, on site and in the morgue area. In addition, they transported supplies and equipment to and from the site (ground zero). My cousin shared briefly of his experience, in that, people from hundreds and thousands of miles away, even from other states, provided their assistance.

According to my cousin, he never seen anything like this before, he reported that "People were all standing and lined up on West Side Highway[which leads up to the World Trade Center] handing us bottles of water and thanking us for just being present."

9/11 will always be a day of remembrance.

Chapter Two

After the events of 9/11, although I continued to report to work, things still were not the same. Neither, was I able to remain focus. There always remained a possibility of being deployed to Iraq; in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom. Although, nothing was definite. Years later, another event had occurred. The attack on the 507th Ordnance Maintenance Company; who by report had taken a wrong turn in the city of Nassiriya; which, had resulted in the death and injury of many of their soldiers. Although I had been a reservist at this point for ten years, I honestly believed that if I hadn't been called to support Desert Storm or the War in Somalia then, my chances of being called in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom was going to be slim to none.

However, I later received information from my First Sergeant and Unit Commander that due to the recent ambush on the 507th, there was a possibility that our Unit would be called to active-status. At this point, I did not wait for our unit to be called; instead, I immediately began making plans to move my children back to Texas to live with their maternal grandparents, just in case I was called to active duty. At least, my children would not be stuck in North Carolina waiting on family to arrive to get them. Hence, I also knew that it would take awhile to complete all legal matters, re: the Power of Attorney and locating the appropriate schools; as well as building the rapport and briefing with the school principals and teachers.

Therefore, I submitted my resignation at my place of employment of three years. Then, I transferred my reserve unit to a unit in Grand Prairie, Texas. As a single parent, I had mixed emotions... ......I was honored to be part of history, but at the same time, I was afraid of what to expect; especially, to step off the plane, into enemy territory. I began to question the unknown. Were we going to be attacked? Ambushed? Was our plane going to be hit by an RPG / Mortar? Were our vehicles going to roll over onto an IED (Improvised Explosive Device)? Are we going to be held captive; like the unit before us? If so, will I survive to return to my children? Will I end up a paraplegic; resulting, in having to live with my parents because I can't take care of myself and my children? What if I die; will my ex-husband try to come and collect on my behalf and try to regain custody of my children? I say "my" children, because I was always mother and father to my children. Everything they obtained and/or learned, they acquired from me and/or their maternal family. Thus, I began to self-sabotage myself through my negative...