My purpose in writing this book is to help others understand the importance of loving yourself and others after a horrible tragedy, and recognizing, through faith, that God will always be at your side. I wish you strength to stay confident with your inner self, finding comfort within from God and those around you as you continue on your journey. Knowing that the life that left you is a gift from God to be treasured for your lifetime.

Auszug. � Genehmigter Nachdruck. Alle Rechte vorbehalten.

My Pulse, His Will

Tragedy to Triumph that Echoed her Faith

By Jessica Lyngaas

Balboa Press

Foreword, vii, 
Chapter 1 Smile, Love, Laugh, 1, 
Chapter 2 Finding and Maintaining Strength, 12, 
Chapter 3 Purpose and Value, 23, 
Chapter 4 Control, 29, 
Chapter 5 Choices, 36, 
Chapter 6 Coping mechanisms, 42, 
Chapter 7 Doubt and Anger, 50, 
Chapter 8 Acceptance, 56, 
Chapter 9 Embrace, 61, 
Chapter 10 Hope, 72, 
Chapter 11 Trust, 77, 
Chapter 12 Gift, 81, 
Chapter 13 Knowledge, 87, 
Chapter 14 Experience, 92, 
Chapter 15 Reality, 96, 
Chapter 16 Peace, 100, 
Epilogue, 105, 
Resources, 107, 
Notes, 109, 
Acknowledgment, 111,

CHAPTER 1

Smile, Love, Laugh

It all began the summer of 1993. Every summer around the different rural communities in our area, street dances would take place for a night of entertainment. I was with my older sister and a very good friend. It was June 4. We went to Herman, MN as Johnny Holmes was playing at the Herman Street Dance. He always and still does put on an awesome show.

That evening my sister, friend, and I ended up running into Lance Lyngaas and his brother. It was fun catching up with class mates and their siblings other then events of school functions. This particular day had so much significance for both Lance and his brother. It marked the one year anniversary of their dad's death. His name was Larry Lyngaas. Larry was an amazing man and an awesome father.

Little did I know then what milestone this particular night would mean for myself in the future. The summer flew by as they always seem to. A spark had been started and Lance and I continued to see each other. This summer happened to be the summer before my junior year in high school. Though I was quite busy with work and so was Lance, we always managed to find the time to go out once a week.

One evening the two of us were out for supper and out of the blue he says "You know I always told my dad I'm going to marry that Putnam girl." Speechless to say the least I said "you did?" He replied with "Yeah, I did and I wasn't talking about your older sister."

My thoughts at the moment: Let's back up the train a minute. I haven't even started my junior year in high school!! I wasn't thinking marriage and for that matter didn't think we were that serious in our relationship!!

Time progressed and Lance and I became more fond of each other. Little did I know what God had in store for us. We were very limited with our time that we shared with one another due to Lance was a farmer/trucker and gone most of the time. I too was a student, worked every weekend, and the fact that I grew up having strict parents who only allowed us to go out one night a week made this dating issue more challenging then I expected.

Working hard was the only option we really had growing up. My older sister and I worked at an Egg Ranch and we also helped out on our family farm. I also had three younger siblings which were a huge part of my world. Growing up in a family of five children brought many experience of realizing how 'time' is precious and that it takes everyone's cooperation to make everything flow.

The end of August came and my sister went off to college in Brookings, SD and oh how the changes began! My two younger sisters are five and 10 years younger than I and my bother is 12 years younger then me. It definitely has its pros and cons (age difference). For the most part I always felt more like a caregiver versus a fun-playing-sibling. Nevertheless, my bringing up as a teenager taught me many life skills. My goal always was to live simply, love, and help others unconditionally.

In March 1994 Lance proposed to me and on June 17, 1995 we married. Our wedding took place at St Galls Catholic Church in Tintah, MN. The Late Father Al Stangel united us in marriage and Father Andy Marthaler co-celebrated with Father Al.

Oh, it was a very hot day! 103 degrees outside and 101 degrees inside the church. The wedding was huge and the pews were packed with 350+ people. The ceremony was about an hour and 20 minutes long and I loved every minute of it. It truly did not feel that long.

Father Al gave the most awesome message in his sermon. It was real simple and clearly defines how a marriage can work. He said "marriage is like a tripod; you have God on one leg, husband on the other, and the wife on the third leg. At any point if one of these three legs are absent, the tripod will fall."

Never having difficulty understanding this concept Lance and I grew our marriage stronger and stronger with this solid foundation underneath us. Time progressed and on May 11, 1996 we were blessed with our first son, Levi Lance Lyngaas. The miracle of a child is unbelievable. It is the most rewarding gift you can be given.

This new package that we created is beyond words. I remember thinking "I'm a mom and Lance is a dad! This is and has already been an adventure!" Never slowing down for much, Levi was the 'new' with all of our doings.

This first year zipped by and on October 22, 1997 our second son arrived, Lucas Larry Lyngaas. Lucas was my most content baby. He loved to snuggle. The remarkable beauty, love, and joy we were continually reminded of through these two boys defined how wonderful our life really was.

A couple weeks after Lucas was born we had devastation land in our world. On November 13, we had Lucas baptized and then the next day Lance left for work around 8AM. He worked for a local farmer and enjoyed going to work their always. Farming was his energy, passion, and Joy!!

The morning continued on and I had just got the boys down for a nap. Around 10AM the door opens to our house and in walked Lance. I said "Hey, done for the day?" He looked at me, he was pale in color ... I then said "what's wrong Lance? You look sick. Are you OK?" Struggling with words he said "No, I'm not sick. I do not have a job anymore!" I asked "what happened?" Bewildered to say the least, this being both of us, he said "evidently some of my co-workers have differences with me and no longer want to work with me. My co-workers told the Boss that If they didn't get rid of me, the two of them would quit. So they figured it would be better to get rid of one then to lose two employees." In complete shock, I didn't know what to say except "I'm sorry Honey. Trust that there must be something better out there for you."

To this day I still get choked up thinking about it. The pain, suffering, and frustration I saw in Lance that day and how he felt like a failure makes me sick!! People can be so destructive and selfish and when they can act so cowardly and not address issues in a civil manner is very heartbreaking!

The truth, Lance was a Heck of a worker and could do circles around most with everything he did. Jealousy, insecurity, or whatever the reason was, we will never know. But honestly, I wouldn't wish these circumstances on anyone. It was tough and it didn't just affect Lance it affected his bride and two young babies.

Worry and fear constantly trying to set in. I never worried about where our next dollar was coming from because Lance knew how to work and I knew how to be frugal. We also had an awesome God!! I believed then all would work out and I believe this now.

Much anger and frustration began to build up for me. When you live in a small town, situations like this that can occur create a huge wall of hate! I could not...

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