Psychology: The Stuff You Can Really Use

iUniverse, Inc.

Chapter One

Sigmund was, in some ways, an odd man. He was obsessed with sex and discussed things like penis envy. He used cocaine quite a bit. His beard did not flatter him. He did stumble upon something important, however, and made a valuable contribution as a result.

Freud talked about the importance of love and work to achieving fulfillment and happiness. Indeed, in our culture, this is true for most of us (unless we are a member of the idle rich without a sense of noblesse oblige or work for the Department of Motor Vehicles). The vast majority of us seek to love and work as well as we can. We want to love and support others, and we want to contribute and excel at our work, no matter what it may be. To a great degree, we are hardwired to judge ourselves, and we derive a great degree of satisfaction if we do these things well or at least to the best of our ability given life's circumstances.

In our culture, one of the first things you ask someone is, "What do you do?" We derive so much of our identity from our occupation—so much so that retired people may be uncomfortable with this question, as the answer may be "Nothing." Half of their identity may be gone. For some, especially high achievers, retirement can be difficult. They may feel insignificant. As people grow older, there is a greater sense of urgency to have made your mark by contributing to your field of endeavor and being there for your loved ones in their times of need.

When someone is unhappy, there is a good chance that he feels unfulfilled in one of these key areas. Cut him some slack, and help him excel in those areas. That's a good way to love.

Christopher Cross Was Right Too

Christopher Cross once wrote a song called "Sailing." It wasn't really about boating, however. His point is that we all need hobbies. They allow us to relax, escape, reduce stress, and go to another place. Indeed, as he says in his song, "The canvas can do miracles." He was on to something there. Whether it is painting, sailing, collecting coins, or sewing, hobbies do provide a sense of fulfillment. They allow us to relax, reduce stress, and improve our mental health (unless you're a Cubs fan). They also allow us to find and relate to others with a similar passion. In many cases, a hobby provides a common link between generations. My father took me to see a young rookie named Pete Rose play for the Cincinnati Reds. I took my daughter to see Pete in his last year in the major leagues. Boy, did he have a long career. My love of baseball contributed to many passionate discussions with both my father and my daughter, both big baseball fans. Christopher, thanks for your contribution.

Sorry, Paula, You Were Wrong

Paula Abdul, you are a great singer, and you have made tremendous videos and some great contributions to pop culture. Though I enjoyed your songs about opposites being attracted to one another, in many cases that is not true. Most people, on some level, are attracted to people similar to themselves in terms of values, interests, background, and even in level of attractiveness. Having things in common helps build a relationship. I'm not saying that we should not involve ourselves with or befriend people who are dissimilar to us. We just need to work harder to have the attraction work and to find common interests. We are also attracted to people we have frequent contact with, people who are physically attractive, and folks we know like us. (We tend to think they are good judges of character.)

Can't We All Just Get Along?

Apparently not, Rodney. Most people are let go from jobs because they have trouble getting along with people in the workplace, not because of technical incompetence. Those who can answer Rodney's question in the affirmative will have more stable employment, a higher ceiling, and a lot less stress in their life.

Jamie Farr, the actor who played Klinger in M*A*S*H, wrote an excellent autobiography. An accomplished actor, the host of a great golf tournament, and arguably the world's most beloved cross-dresser, he made an important point in this book. He stated that it is important to wake up each day and realize that a good percentage of people take an a**hole pill every morning when they get up. One of the great accomplishments in life is realizing that they do this, you can't do anything about it, and the sooner you realize that the better.

Self-Defeating Urination

Perl's once said, "If you have one foot in the past and one foot in the future, you're pissing on the present." Judge Judy is often fond of saying, "Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining." My urologist says I have an enlarged prostate.

Let's deal with Perls's urination proclamation. Indeed, if we focus too much on the past, something we cannot change, and worry excessively about the future, we are missing most of the present. And we are certainly not enjoying it. Living, as they say, "in the moment" is something we should all strive to do. Consciously deciding to do this every day and working on it is a great way to live a happier life.

This is not to say we should not plan long term or prepare for important things. We should also enjoy reminiscing about good things, but we should not focus on the past or future to the detriment of now.

Next week, I have this prostrate exam, and ...

Your Pants and the Damn Dog

Dr. Sydney Freidman, the psychiatrist who saw through the aforementioned Corporal Klinger, once gave this advice to the stressed-out medical personnel of the 4077th. "Ladies and gentleman, take my advice, pull down your pants, and slide on the ice." This was great advice by a good, but fictional, psychiatrist. All too often, we do not do simple things that we regret not doing the rest of our lives. If those things won't hurt anyone, do as Nike suggests—Just do it.

When I retired as a school psychologist after thirty-four long years, on my last day, I decided I should go down to the office and page myself. I also decided I should bolt a plaque above a room naming the room after me. I am glad I did these things. Had I not, I would have regretted it the rest of my life and would have missed an opportunity to feed into stereotypes about psychologists. Now generations of people will ask, "Who was that nut?"

When visiting the Hoover Dam, I had an opportunity to buy a footlong dam dog that came with a Hoover Dam hard hat. I did not, and I have regretted it ever since.

Pull down your pants, and bite the dog.

Gomer Pyle, Vampires, and the Flying Nun

Does it concern you that everyone seems obsessed with vampires? That television and the silver screen seem to be all about vampires 24/7? Does the national interest in reality TV suggest a dumbing down of our populace, especially when we are faced, quite possibly, with events every bit as serious as the Great Depression and the Cold War?

Before you become overly worried about our seemingly wrongheaded obsession with trash TV during these trying times, let me remind you of something. During the height of the Vietnam War, when civil unrest associated with that conflict was ripping apart the very fabric of our society, the Gomer Pyle TV show was extremely popular. It never once mentioned the Vietnam War. Was that a reflection of our collective stupidity? No, it was an escape. Just as the vampire craze is now. It was no more an...