Fear

I'm Scared.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

— Marianne Williamson

Fear is an interesting thing. It has the ability to erode our thinking and take it to a downward spiral very quickly. I like to talk about fear as an obsession of thought, because that's all it is; it is simply an obsession. Some may only associate the word obsession in conjunction with something that we long for very much. In a sense, fear is it's opposite. It's the obsession with and entrapment of our minds by the thoughts of what we incessantly don't want.

Think back to a fearful time in your life. You may remember a time when you were worried about something as an adult or a child. What was going on at the time? What were you afraid of? Something that was going to happen in the future, I'd venture. How likely was it that your fear would be realized?

Now, before I move forward, let's discuss some of the origins of fear and how it actually used to help us survive.

Back in the early ages of the cave dweller, humans had to fend for themselves against every creature in the wild. Attention to detail when it came to a potential predator was extremely useful. If they didn't properly react to a feeling of fear when a tiger was in front of them, well, they were no more.

I'm not talking about this type of fear. Let's just call that protective fear. That's the fear you feel when you're walking too close to a cliff or you are in the street and a car is coming right at you at one hundred miles per hour. Listening to and reacting to this type of protective fear when you are in physical danger is good. The fear that keeps us from living our dreams is a bit different.

The fear I'm talking about is the type that can hold us back from going after what we want in life — the fear that is the slick opponent to living your dreams; the type that has very powerful effects when left to run wild in our brains. How does this fear keep us from our dreams? The short answer is inaction, but let me go a bit deeper into the tactics fear uses against us.

Fear of Rejection

We all long for acceptance in life. We all want to belong and to be a part of a group. The groups people want to be a part of may vary, but everyone wants to belong. Fear of rejection has the ability to consume our brains with the storyline that if we take a chance, we will face painful rejection. This is very common for single folks on the dating scene.

Here's how a typical scenario plays out. A guy is very much interested in another person, but he isn't sure if she is interested in him. He goes round and round in his head about what to say, if he should say it, or how to say it. Until the thought of rejection creeps in.

What if she laughs in my face? What it she thinks I'm desperate? What if she tells her friends about how she dissed me? No one wants to bruise his or her ego like that; no one wants to feel the pain of rejection.

Remember, rejection isn't the only option. There is also the option that the other person may be interested in you as well. She may tell you she was just as fearful. She may even thank you for having the courage to come over. There's always two sides to the "What could happen?" question. The ability for us to move forward despite fear depends on whether we're disciplined enough to train our brains to truly consider both sides.

Fear of Failure

I've dedicated an entire chapter later on (chapter 8) to the topic of failure and how we use it as a reason for not living our dreams. Here I want to discuss how the fear of failure keeps us from taking action. Without action, we don't give ourselves a chance to fail. That is the power of fear, its ability to keep us frozen and terrified.

Failure also hurts. It is painful, just as much as rejection. No one would sign up willingly to fail. After reading this book, I'd like everyone to fail and to fail often, because it is in failure that we grow the most, and it is where we truly push ourselves. I'll go deeper into this in chapter 8.

Have you ever found yourself worried about failing before you try something new? Is the thought of failing more powerful than the thought of succeeding?

The best exercise I've read about and practiced when it comes to overcoming fear is one where you are asked to write out completely what your ultimate fear would look like. So, say in the case of applying for a job, your fear is that you will be rejected. What is the worst thing that could happen?

Well, let's see:

1. You don't get the job.

2. You get laughed at.

3. Your boss demotes you for even asking for a different job.

4. The employer blacklists you, and no one else will ever hire you.

5. You're listed on a "got rejected" list.

6. You lose your job and don't get hired ever again.

7. You then lose your house and become homeless.

8. You're left to eat food out of the trash to survive.

Now, after you delineate what your worst fear looks like or what your worst day looks like, let's consider the odds of all this happening. How likely is it that you'll get rejected? Well, we can calculate that if you know the number of applicants and positions available. What about all the other things that crossed your mind? How likely are they?

After intense evaluation, you'll find that your worst fears are, for the most part, very unlikely. Honestly, the worst thing that happens (most of the time) is that you don't get the job and you go back to your current life.

The thing is, we miss out on ever trying because the fear of failure gets in our way, which means we won't take the risk of having something great happen. Instead we take the guarantee that our life will stay the same. Huh? Exactly! Doesn't make much sense when we put it that way, does it? But we do it all the time.

Fear of Embarrassment

Embarrassment can be one of the toughest things to deal with, especially when it's public. Taking a risk or going for our dreams can expose us to potential embarrassment. Our peers may see us fail as we attempt to achieve new things. They may ridicule us if we share our dreams with them. They may tell others that we're crazy for believing or trying something.

The opinion of our peers, family, and friends is valuable, but it can become restrictive when we place too much emphasis on what others think of us. I know you may be thinking, Well, my friends matter to me, and my family has my back. They are important, and they are in your corner, but they may not always see your vision for themselves. They may have a hard time seeing what you see in those moments. You can't worry about their belief. In those moments, it's time to lean on your inner beliefs.

So, I'm saying risk embarrassment and go after your dreams. What about the pain that could...