The Peculiar, Perplexing Mr. Pickle

By Anthony Lyle

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2012 Anthony Lyle
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4772-1209-7

Chapter One

Out with the Old!

"Unhand me, you vile witch! How dare you lay your wicked hands on Blackbeard the Terrible! I'll have you walking the plank. I'll have your head for this!" The kicking, screaming young boy struggled to get free from the older woman's arm around his body.

Miss McGillicutti carried the ten-year-old, screaming pirate to his bed and dumped him there. He reached under his pillow for his spare wooden sword and pulled it out swinging it at her head. She barely ducked in time! He then swatted her on the butt! She cried out and ran out of the room.

It wasn't long after that, that one could hear the father of the house begging her to give them one more shot. She turned to him, carrying her single bag in her arm with a sneer, looking down her nose at him through her glasses, which rested on the end of her nose. "My dear sir, you don't have children! You have demons and ... and ... pirates!" She shook her head angrily. "Good day, sir!" She turned and left the house, slamming the front door behind her.

He sighed and turned to see his wife standing with a worried look on her face. "Oh dear, what ever shall we do now? Summer is coming and we have no one to watch the children."

"I sometimes wonder if she isn't right," he muttered.

"Rupert Snodgrass! You take that back. Our children are just over stimulated, that's all." She was very defensive of her children. Tiffany knew that her children could be a little unruly at times, but they were, after all, just children.

He sighed. "I know, but that's the third nanny we've lost in just as many months. The last time I tried to find one, I had more hang-up calls than I have as a salesman in a week!"

"Well, we'll simply have to find one. We can't leave them unattended."

Susie sighed in frustration at her brother. "Well, now you've done it. You've chased off another nanny! Now they'll probably have to send us to one of those dreadful summer camps where we never get to see anyone for an entire summer!"

"It wasn't my fault. She wouldn't listen to reason when I told her that I still had pirate treasure to find before I went to bed!" Michael Snodgrass was nine, but in his mind he was Blackbeard the Terrible, or Blackbeard the Pirate. He was constantly conquering British navies or searching for lost treasure. He even had several wooden swords and the matching hat to boot. His only regret was that he wasn't yet old enough to have a beard that he could set on fire like the real Blackbeard used to do.

Susie and Michael heard sobbing. "I don't want to go to summer camp." They turned to the small voice of their youngest sister, Annie. Annie was six and for the most part was an innocent pawn in her older brother's and sister's wicked schemes. As a result, she sometimes took the blame for things that she didn't do, but that was the way it was being the youngest of three children.

"Oh, they won't send us to summer camp." Susie frowned and rolled her eyes. "I'm sure they'll find someone else to come watch us." Susie Snodgrass was the oldest of the three at age twelve. She tried to pretend that she was the most mature, but often as not, she was just as much of a handful as the other two put together.

Annie hung her head and a tear dropped out, and she reached down to pick up the family cat. The cat tried to get away but was too late, having failed to see the little girl over her. Annie held her close and forced her to her lap. The cat, Nancy Drew, was named after the famous girl detective because, well, cats can find anything.

"What if they don't find anyone? What if they have to send us away?" Annie whined.

"Now you're just being silly!" Susie shook her head firmly. "They're our parents, and they love us—even when you two are rotten to the core!"

"Am not!" Annie frowned at her sister. "You are!"

"Yeah, you're worse than us." Michael sided with Annie on this one.

Susie just rolled her eyes and sighed in the obviously much more mature manner of adults. She went to the door and turned to them. "Oh, good night, for heaven's sakes." She left to go to her room.

Annie looked at Michael. "You don't think they'll send us away, do you?"

"No, but I think we might have to worry about who we get to replace that old hag. I say good riddance to her. She was never any fun anyway!"

"Well, she did help me dress my dolls sometimes."

"Only because she didn't want to see them without clothes. It wasn't because she cared about you."

Annie sighed and nodded slightly in agreement. "So maybe they'll get someone nice this time."

"Maybe, but I think we kind of ran out of nannies."

Rupert Snodgrass sighed as he crossed another name off of his list. He had been trying for two days now to find someone else, and no one would even talk to him. Three agencies had all told him that his kids had a terrible reputation. Were his kids really that awful? Sometimes they could be a handful, but still, they were just kids.

Tiffany Snodgrass came into the office and smiled sadly. "No one?"

He shook his head. "I'm beginning to wonder if our kids are as terrible as they tell us."

"I'm sure that it's just a matter of finding the right nanny, dear. You'll think of something. You always do."

Chapter Two

In with the New

The kids watched from a bedroom window as the movers took furniture into the house next door. "Wow, they sure have weird furniture. Did you see that lamp? It was really old."

Susie rolled her eyes. "Oh, they probably just have refined taste ... or maybe they're wicked old."

"Ew, old people?" Annie wrinkled her face. "That means no kids."

"Well, maybe they have some grandkids," Michael mused. "Then I can conquer them and take all of their gold and make them walk the plank!" He stepped from the window and waved his hand around wildly as if he had a sword in his hand already. He laughed cruelly. "Take that, you British Swabbies!"

Susie groaned, shook her head, and rolled her eyes. "Oh, heaven help me. Why did I get stuck with such idiots for a brother and sister?"

"I'm not an idiot!" Annie defended herself, frowning.

"Me neither!" Michael held his arm out at her and threatened her with his imaginary sword.

They continued to watch until it was obvious that there were no kids or toys being taken into the house. They wandered downstairs, where they watched their allotted hour of TV and waited for dinner.

"Pork roast again!" Michael whined. "Why can't we have roast pig?"

Susie giggled and Michael looked at her angrily. "What's so funny, lizard breath?"

"What's so funny is that pork roast is roasted pig!" Susie stuck her tongue out at him.

He looked at his mother and father. "Is that true?"

They both smiled and nodded. He frowned. "Well, it doesn't look like a pig."

"That's because it's cut up, stupid."

"Now, Susie, that wasn't nice."

"Sorry. It's cut up, moron."

Both parents rolled their eyes and sighed.

Annie suddenly looked horrified. "You mean this is pig meat? Ew. I don't like pig meat."

Susie smiled at her condescendingly. "You've been eating it for years!"

"Well, but I don't like it now!" Annie refused to eat the meat.

"Did you kids see who was moving in next door?" Tiffany decided to change the subject.

"Some old people it looks like." Susie sighed. "No kids that we could see."

"Oh, that's too bad. Did you see them?"

"Nah, just their stupid furniture that looks like it was...