Part I

The Formula

... So it began ...

* * *

Where do I travel now ...
a path not yet realized ...
Truth shall be discovered along the way ...
who's?

the one which matters most to self.

* * *

"I love you, Bastethany."

"I don't want you to anymore, Tah."

Silence as the phone call ended.

"Pathetic," thought Petah of himself, "So this is what fifty years of life on this planet has come to?" he continued in silence.

"Happy fiftieth birthday to me," spoke Petah to Lucky.

Lucky stared up at his human for a moment and walked straight to the sliding glass door. Petah knew what that meant.

"Quit whining and take me for a walk," spoke Lucky to his human who could not hear through the heart.

Petah would fight a loosing battle for another month within his mind before he realized the challenge had actually ended before it started. His Voice had told him years ago to block this thing with a woman who was with another man. His primal human lust for a certain kind of beauty overcame the true needs of his soul. Petah was beginning to realize the cost of his actions.

* * *

A wise woman once said to Bastethany, "Everything costs."

* * *

Perhaps practice hiding nothing ...
open the self to release all that burdens us ...
free the soul which is masked by our fears ...
with negativity gone ...

What follows?
the lightness of Being which follows the release, allows us to be open ...
open to receive all things positive ...
and walk our paths with smiles on our faces ...

If there is someone you want to say something positive to now ...

Release your burden based in fear and speak with them ...
break through the wall which is blocking you ...
the wall which is creating a yoke on your shoulder ...
the wall which is holding you back from continuing down your path ...

Why have the extra weight to carry if it is too much?
change your course to a calm, peaceful sea ...
create your lightness and go ...
fly.

* * *

... A Cleansing From Within ...

* * *

Thomas La Mance said ...

"The man who has no Inner Life is the slave of his surroundings."

* * *

From within himself, Petah began the cleansing process of that which was left behind by the removal of Bastethany's influence on his soul. The human Petah, had allowed his soul to be controlled by another. Something he had long said would never happen to him. Yet, through his own actions, Petah allowed himself to become the minion. A slave to another human. The thought disgusted Petah. For an entire month of weakness, he ate very little and drank more alcohol than water sending his soul to the pathetic, negative darkness of self-pity. Upon the realization of his personal devil escorting him to Hell, Petah woke up from what had become a nightmare. He removed the blinders of life he had been wearing for years and began to see the beauty of the Universe surrounding him.

"I alone created these feelings within Me and I, alone will remove the negativity surrounding them, for I am responsible for my own actions. I blame no other. I accept the challenge and will be victorious," Petah whispered to his dog, Lucky.

"Woof, woof, woof," spoke a smiling Sheltie to his human.

Petah saw a wall and decided not to stop in his path because of that obstruction. He could have, because of fear, sat down on the ground and cried like a terrified little child because he could not get around the wall. He knew he was not that child. He was alive and knew he still had much to do in life while learning through experience. Growth was something he sought. Petah wanted to know what was on the other side of the obstruction created by his mind. His choice at that particular moment was to sit or bust through the wall, somehow get around it. He chose at the moment to commit to getting around the wall. He knew his life path was blocked within that moment and wanted to tear down that which was blocking him. Continue on to the next level whatever that would be.

"Improvise, adapt and overcome," spoke Petah to Lucky. A phrase his father used to say to him for as long as he could remember.

* * *

It has been said that the Buddha stated ...
"Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without."

* * *

... Transition ...

* * *

Within self ...
in a quiet mind ...
with eyes of flesh closed ...
the eye opens to a wonderful place ...

* * *

Petah was beginning to feel the energies of many things. Energies which had always been around him, yet he allowed his mind to be distracted by the past and was unable to focus on that which was near. He found peace in quiet moments of yoga and began to extend the peace to moments beyond the exercise of body into flowing with self into his days. With focus upon self while at work, at play with people who called him friend or brother and walking his best friend Lucky, Petah saw things with a clearing mind.

Still living in his house within a quiet neighborhood, his alone time became something he sought even while with others. He realized his recent past had been a time of need. A time to be a part of groups and a longing to feel accepted by not his self, but of those others. He had been searching for something his whole life, yet he knew not what that thing was.

From time to time having moved around his entire life, he would say to himself, "I just want to go home."

But where was that? A fifty year struggle with self had consumed his soul and it had confused him. He decided to find his home without the influence of anything other than his soul.

* * *

Peace through acceptance of a non-existent past ...
and the path continues with no thing behind ...
with eyes of the flesh opened once again ...
the future can be welcomed with opened arms ...

* * *

Petah was an Architect by both training and work for over twenty years, yet for the past seven years prior to this moment in time, he chose to do things which did not relate to Architecture. He used the excuse of not being able to find work as an Architect in this new village of Masonboro, North Carolina, to delve into other forms of art. A choice which drove a marriage of sixteen years to a woman who lost control of him, into compete destruction and resulted in divorce. His second. Petah floundered for a year and almost moved back to a place he loved, but he met Bastethany and used her as an excuse to stay in a place he did not feel was home. The small southern, coastal town of Masonboro, North Carolina.

"Maybe I just need to go back to Architecture, Lucky. That is what I am, I suppose. If I did that, Mom and the rest of the family would be happy. I could make a decent living. I could afford to start skydiving again. I could go out and get sushi all the time like I used to do back in California. We could take trips to the redwoods and go camping on weekends. We could live life, like normal people again. Wait, you're not...