The Panda Syndrome

Balboa Press

Contents

Foreword.....................................................................viiPreface......................................................................ixAcknowledgments..............................................................xiAn Existence.................................................................1Angel Astray – Spirit in Exile..........................................3The Height of Arrogance The Fall from Freedom................................8Into Darkness................................................................9The Sea of Despair...........................................................11Cause and Effect.............................................................12Who's to Blame...............................................................13Shadow of Mortal Love........................................................15Vulnerable Wisdom............................................................16For the Last Time............................................................18One's Will...................................................................19Rebirth of Light.............................................................22For the Dawn Beckons.........................................................23Peremptory Reality...........................................................27November Moon................................................................29To Surrender.................................................................31Go Now.......................................................................33The Winds of Passion, Wisdom and Woe.........................................34Where Do I Go from Here......................................................36Only a Moment................................................................38A Path to Prayer.............................................................42Just How Much................................................................45Redemption of Eternal Love Liberation for the Unforgiven.....................48The Two Faces of Fate........................................................52No Time for Goodbye..........................................................55The Light of Mediocrity......................................................58Decompression Rapid Descent..................................................59Down and Out.................................................................60So it Shall Be...............................................................61A Date with Destiny..........................................................62A Letter to Grandpa..........................................................64The Angel Prays for Thee.....................................................66Dear Ann.....................................................................67That Was Then This is Now....................................................68Free Flight..................................................................70Forever Alone................................................................72The Panda Syndrome A Societal Imposition.....................................76A Message from Juliana April 29, 2011........................................81About the Author.............................................................82

Chapter One

My contentment is obviously inconsequential. My spiritual existence provides no meaningful contribution. My human presence is nothing more than a face amid an angry mob. My charitable donation never seems to reach those in need, nor can I ever donate enough to please their gods. My questions incite anger within the clergy, my thoughts appear to challenge in defiance. I am unacceptable to the unapproachable, those who speak the Word in a human voice. Nor shall I ever be embraced by the ideological worshipers who I have previously supported but now distance themselves from the essence of my human presence. If I were to tally my total existence, there would appear to be less and less of me each day. My time here is very short apparently. Society spends me frivolously.

So where lay the truths? What is the point of my momentary existence and to whom should it matter that I exist at all? Surely the world could do without another philosophical prophet. However, I do not peddle any false promises of something greater beyond the greater good. I merely seek answers to the many questions that have risen from my life's experiences. However, my thoughts it seems, bear no plausible meanings. I am told that they are nothing more than contrary denouncements of the proven truth. My questions are imprisoned by ridicule. My words, absolute blasphemy!

Perhaps, I have meaning to those who lurk conspicuously in my fading shadow, waiting to feed off the fruits of my labor. The inept; themselves, those who do not bear the courage, less the capability, to ever exert a greater force against that which censors their free will. Perhaps, I do not have anything to say on their behalf, for I have been abandoned by them long ago. My words, it seems, continue to fall upon deaf ears; And they cannot be refuted, for their tongues have been severed. However, I know you and I know that you can hear me.

Of the cold and timid souls who have surrendered their birth right to exist without free will, they are sequestered by the very idols who rule them. Those who never seem to be impressed by your presence, traveling along the path that has been carved out, the predetermined course for a predictable life, accepting and regurgitating whatever they are served. The bitter feast laid out upon the table of conformity.

No map is required, for only one exit exists. No menu shall be provided, for the morsels have been rationed. The whole ambiguous journey has been compromised by the conformists who preceded them, the martyrs who sacrificed the lambs. Theirs is merely a point to point existence as the ancestral line slowly moves closer to the edge of the eternal abyss and only seeks the approval of their peers. Nor shall they ever experience the contentment of freedom and individuality within a conscious mortality.

Angel Astray – Spirit in Exile

The sun scantily staggered into the contemptible sky. The stars surrendered their swords and turned away as the angels remorsefully wept and bowed their heads in shame.

With painful humiliation, the November moon summoned the courage to show its face, as the final light succumbed to the eternal darkness. The human conflict raged on and on, day upon day, night upon night. Mortally wounded by societal persecution, the rebellious burden quietly subsides and is finally set free.

His tormented spirit immediately vacates its earthly imprisonment and ascends high above the distant horizon where the sun meets the sky. He leaves behind only decaying, lifeless remains and its fleeting memories of this unfathomable life. Then the essence of his being shall rejoin the living earth only to be reborn once again ...

"To know me is to love me," he once said. A grim reminder of the loneliness that he brought upon himself. After all, who ever truly knew him? A disturbing thought! Nonetheless, I admired him. I attempted to uncover the many layers of his life and reach the complex thoughts that were reserved and stored protectively deep within him. I searched tirelessly for the truths and meanings of such profound wisdom.

A written...