The Catalyst

Getting to know yourself in this day and age seems like a never-ending process. Everything in life continually changes. From one trend to the next, transformation is inevitable, which perpetuates the cycle of life. As this world continually spins faster and as this change pushes you to the next level of yourself, getting tangled up in the whirlwind of it can seem inevitable. The important thing to remember is that, although we may feel powerless as the world changes, we always have control over our inner worlds, personal powers, and the changes we allow within us. It is up to us to keep our inner spaces sacred, and what a gift it is to know that we have that choice, that power actually.

As I sit here and begin writing this chapter to share the event that drastically changed everything for me, I am dumbfounded in the realization that it is exactly two years ago to this day that I had the experience I am going to share. This event was the catalyst for changing everything in my life for the better.

It was November 7, 2015. I was driving to work, like any other day. At that time in my life, the death grip that my reality had on me was suffocating my existence. I was living a double life as a medium and a clinical coordinator for a physical therapy and rehab facility. I wanted change, and I needed the universe to help me make it happen.

While driving to work, I began begging the universe to please change my path and to put me on my true path of spiritual work, an effort that was so fulfilling to me. I continued in a state of resistance and emotional despair. I was trying to avoid my current situation and my life, and I was longing for something I did not yet have.

While still driving to work, in my heart I began pleading with the universe to give me a sign and make it so obvious that I could not miss it. I wanted a sign that would restore hope within me. I thought to myself, Please give me a sign that will put me on my spiritual path and make it so obvious I can't miss it.

Those were my actual words from my heart to the universe. Boy, was I brave. I didn't even realize what I was asking for. Nonetheless the universe answered right then and there. I got what I asked for, but it wasn't in the way I expected. The universe took me very literally, and the next thing I knew, I woke up with my airbags in my lap and smoke everywhere. I was completely disoriented. I felt like I was waking from a deep, prolonged sleep, one that lasted perhaps from a past life to this one.

Here I was, waking up from an accident in complete and utter disorientation. The smell of the airbags and the smoke rolling from under the hood of my car were extremely nauseating. My ears were painfully ringing, and it was like I'd been standing next to a twelve-gauge shotgun during fire. The silence and stillness in the aftermath of the crash was deafening. As I looked down, I noticed my seat belt was still buckled. But my body had been shoved forward and to the right, causing the seat belt to dig into my hip.

Shards of intense, burning pain began shooting down the back of the right side of my neck. The stinging in my right hand began to set in. The airbag had struck my hand, and my entire hand was numb and briefly paralyzed. My knees were aching, and I was feeling shooting pain up my thighs from hitting the dash, I assume. And my right ankle was throbbing and bleeding a little. It had gotten tangled up with the gas and brake pedals.

As I came to and tried to gather myself, it hit me. I had been in a bad wreck, and looking out over the hood, I knew I had totaled my new car. I seemed to have been immediately robbed of my orientation to myself, my memory, and my surroundings. But I was grateful for the pain because it centered my awareness. I quickly realized that I certainly wasn't going to work anytime soon. The universe answered me quite literally, right then and there.

Eventually the EMTs showed up and took me to the hospital. They began flooding me with the normal array of questions: How old are you? What's your birthdate? And so on.

To my surprise, I couldn't answer them. Recalling my age or birthday seemed like a memory that was buried somewhere deep inside me. No matter how hard I tried or how many times I thought about it, I couldn't remember. In this moment, I knew something was wrong and couldn't help but cry. What the hell is going on? I thought to myself.

I was angry and embarrassed, and I was strapped to a gurney in the back of an ambulance. In these moments, I felt like I had completely lost myself yet all the while still somehow knowing myself.

I was evaluated and diagnosed with a severe brain injury and concussion. I went through three months of speech therapy and cognitive rehabilitation. I experienced symptoms like debilitating hypersensitivity to sound, severe decrease in proprioceptive abilities, extreme dizziness and vertigo, and confusion and memory loss. I still occasionally suffer with bouts of vertigo, but it's much more manageable. Memory loss has also been a great struggle and can be incredibly humbling at times. I guess, in a situation like this, you truly realize how human you really are. Talk about a rude awakening.

Looking back now, I realize that the experience I went through was a direct reflection of my consciousness, of my need to escape the current reality I was experiencing. Little did I know, it would become the catalyst and doorway to my awakening and complete self-awareness.

You see, in the time I spent recovering, I could not return to work. The good news was that I had already been practicing private readings and doing sessions on the side for a few years. And having had that practice under my belt, one thing I knew for sure was that I didn't need my human mind to function for me to channel and connect to the spirit world. It was my small glimmer of hope that maybe it really was time for a life change. I knew that, when I do my mediumship, I must suppress my mind completely anyway to achieve that connection. So, the fact that my cognitive function wasn't up to par seemed less of a threat, and while I was home recovering, I was elated to realize that I could continue mediumship. And so I did.

In the meantime, the company I worked for had lost its contract with the nursing home. The entire therapy department was dissolved, so I couldn't have returned to work even if I wanted to. This was the universe taking me literally and manifesting what I had asked for specifically. The news of my company losing the contract was perhaps one of the biggest motivators for me to just dive into my spiritual practice completely. I gave myself permission and took the leap of faith.

Within just a few months, I opened a local metaphysical shop where I practiced my readings as a medium and Reiki- a form on energy healing. I also held community...