Presence

As we let our light shine, we consciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence actually liberates others. — Marianne Williamson

A person of good will can work wonders in human relationships when he or she is able to look another in the eye with calmness and certainty, then speak the truth as he or she perceives it. In life, maintaining a high level of presence will open many doors that would otherwise have remained closed. For one thing, in being present a person is more likely to notice opportunities when they present themselves. When this photo was taken I was in a studio supervising some models at a photo shoot. The photographer called out my name, I turned to him, then he quickly snapped this picture.

Unbeknownst to me, in a few weeks, I would be having cocktails and chatting with Princess Margaret and Prince Charles. In the following week, while touring the Vatican, I seized an opportunity and managed to receive a blessing by the Pope. It was a matter of being in the right place at the right time, not being too bashful to include myself in the happenings of the moment. I still have the lovely, wooden rosary the Pope gave me. It hangs above the head of my bed.

The Century Dictionary defines present as follows: 1. Being or abiding, as a person, in this or any specified place; being in view or immediately at hand: opposed to absent, 2. Now existing; being at this time; not in the past or future, 3. Being now in mind, 4. Prompt or ready at need.

So what is Presence?

The Century Dictionary defines presence as follows: 1. The state of being present in a certain place, and not in some other place; being, continuance, or stay in a certain place ...

In contrast, The Century Dictionary defines absent as follows: 1. Not in a certain place at a given time; not in consciousness or thought at a certain time; away; opposed to present, 2. Not existing; wanting; not forming a part or attribute of: as, among them refinement is absent.

Some people drag themselves to work, punch a time clock, look busy or just plain goof-off throughout the day, then punch out. This often passes as normal presence, even though accomplishing a minimum of work. Yet, that level of presence is so low, it qualifies as a liability to the employer who probably thinks he has a position filled with productive potential. Under such a circumstance, the employer probably doesn't have the position filled to anywhere near viable capacity. Furthermore, if absent employees are working around dangerous machinery, their condition makes them a liability to themselves as well.

On the other hand, some people are willing and able to collect themselves up in body, thought, and spirit, then present the complete package to the task at hand. That is Presence.

Here's an example of exercising presence from my own life: I was the first woman "salesman" selling TV ad time in the interior United States. I was confronted with all the usual prejudice of that time when business was considered a man's game, and women served best at home.

One day I received a memo from my boss concerning my sales for the past quarter; it was not favorable. He wasn't pleased with my performance, and demanded a 15 percent increase in sales volume. My boss was one of those people who felt women didn't belong in positions traditionally held by men.

Not to be dominated or outdone, but to maintain control over my own situation, I immediately decided to increase my sales by 35 percent. I went home, still determined to increase my sales well above expectations. As I reviewed my possibilities, I decided to increase my productivity by 50 percent. Why? The answer is simple: I am competitive, and I wanted to maintain control over my own situation while outdoing the men on the sales team.

The first novel made for a TV series was scheduled to come out on CBS, Testimony of Two Men, (1977, Taylor Caldwell). The series would run a total of fifteen hours show time, on prime-time TV. One of my accounts was with a large bank in the area. As fifteen hours represented a large advertising expenditure, above and beyond the bank's annual budget costs, I asked my sales manager to accompany me on the call.

The proposal I wrote was for thirty-four additional prime-time commercials. We gave our presentation. I put the contract in front of the president of the bank, then I asked for the order. The salespeople among you probably know the applicable maxim at this stage of the sale: Shut up, because he who speaks first loses.

In those days it was acceptable and common to smoke in the office. The president lit his cigarette, then smoked it slowly as if thinking out his decision. He smoked for twenty minutes. I remained comfortable, but I noticed my sales manager fidgeting; he opened his mouth to speak, so I kicked him hard under the table. At that strong signal, my manager remained quiet.

Finally, the bank president said, "Let's go to lunch while I think about it." I pushed the contract and pen closer to him. Then I said, "Sign the paperwork now and we'll have a better, more expensive lunch." Again I remained silent. The bank manager said, "I know what you're doing. I took the same Dale Carnegie Course." I smiled, said nothing, but maintained eye-to-eye contact. I pushed the contract and pen even closer.

The bank manager picked up the pen, signed the contract, looked at my sales manager then said, "John, this girl is damn good." I'm convinced we'll be here in silence 'til supper if I don't sign this." We all laughed.

The closure of that sale hinged on nothing more than being comfortably present, doing nothing else, not even thinking anything else, while continuing eye contact with businesslike friendliness.

See how being present can help any sales person? There were one-hundred eighty commercial slots in that TV series. Even though there were local and national reps also on the job, I sold one-hundred twenty-four of those commercials, plus maintained my regular business. After all the numbers were tallied, I was awarded "salesman of the month."

These successes and many more begin by collecting oneself up in body, thought, and spirit, then presenting the entire package to the task at hand. That is Presence.

Many years ago I attended a talk given at my church by a man who introduced me to confronting. I don't remember his name. I don't know where he was from or if he represented some organization. Yet, I remember he sat us down face-to-face, then told us, "I want you to be here." He didn't give us anything to study; he just told us what to do. When he sat down in front of me to see how I was doing, he said that he felt very comfortable in my presence.

My parents taught me to always look another in the eye when speaking with them, so confronting has always been comfortable for me. Nevertheless, after that training session, I noticed that most people don't look another in the eye when they are talking. That workshop started me looking for different things I could study...