MIDLIFE CHECK-IN: Who Am I-Really? "For the gift of clarity, give yourself Midlife Check-In. Packed with hundreds of insights, poignant strategies, and thought-provoking exercises for women (and men) during midlife and beyond" -Marion Gellatly, AICI CIM "This book is infused with great insight, practical wisdom, and valuable tools for the journey" -Tere Lindsey, Ph.D., Educational Psychologist "An ideal book to facilitate the process of self-discovery for individuals, support groups, book groups, and clinicians" -Virdette Brumm, Ph.D., Neuropsychologist "Welcome relief to the futile grasp at perpetual youth. Midlife Check-In ignites excitement about this pivotal stage of life" -Jennifer Allen, MFT, ATR-BC. Psychotherapist, Art Therapist "This timely, astute, and practical guide helps us to reach deep inside... to find our timeless essence, the Self" -Lynne Ehlers, Ph.D., Clinical Psychologist A gem of a book! Midlife Check-In reveals the midlife path, not by the telling but by direct experience. Dr. Mountain will lead you on your personal and unique path. Enjoy and thrive" -Stephanie Taylor, M.D., Ph.D. Guaranteed to point you to your True North in midlife and beyond" -Mary Jeanne Vincent, Career Expert and Strategist SPECIAL FEATURES; Midlife Checklist©; What's Normal? What's Not? ; 70+ self-assessments & exercises; Comprehensive Midlife Glossary; Therapist's Guide; The Midlife Brain; 3 midlife phases in detail; Extensive book and film lists; Therapist's Guide (photo) MarthaElin Mountain, Ed.D., M.A., MFT is a Jungian-based psychotherapist whose primary interest is the mind-body-spirit-relationship to emotional healing and personal transformation. Dr. Mountain is an experienced midlife traveler; she has witnessed the search for identity, meaning, and purpose from a front-row seat. MarthaElin lives with her husband and black-and-white cat on California's Central Coast where she maintains a private practice.
MIDLIFE CHECK-IN: Who Am I—Really?
A Guide to Deepening Your Sense of Self In Midlife and BeyondBy MarthaElin MountainAuthorHouse
Copyright © 2012 MarthaElin Mountain, Ed.D., M.A., MFT
All right reserved.ISBN: 978-1-4772-5624-4Contents
Preface: Your Tree of Midlife.......................................................................xiiList of Illustrations...............................................................................xixIntroduction........................................................................................xxiPART ONE: Getting Ready for Your Midlife Check-In...................................................xxxiiiOne Tools and Personal Choices.....................................................................1Two What Am I Feeling?.............................................................................6PART TWO: The Three Phases of Midlife...............................................................11Introduction........................................................................................13Three The Midlife Checklist©: Which Phase (Or Phases) of Midlife Am I In?.....................15Four My Midlife Checklist© Results: What Do They Mean?........................................25Five The Three Midlife Phases: Their Moons, Meanings, Murmurings, Movement.........................29Six The Seven Threads of Becoming: How They Weave Their Colors Into Midlife........................41Seven But, Wait! What About the Full Moon?.........................................................47PART THREE: The Three Urgent Questions of Midlife...................................................53Introduction........................................................................................55Eight Who Have I Been?.............................................................................57Nine Who Am I Now?.................................................................................91Ten Who Am I Really?...............................................................................122PART FOUR: Now What? Who and How Am I Becoming?.....................................................177Introduction........................................................................................179Eleven Five Brief Exercises........................................................................182Twelve "I Imagine Myself Becoming Someone Who ...".................................................202Afterword...........................................................................................211Acknowledgements....................................................................................213About the Author....................................................................................217More Support?.......................................................................................219Therapist's Guide...................................................................................221Appendix A What's Normal? What's Not?..............................................................247Appendix B Healthy and Unhealthy Responses to Midlife..............................................257Appendix C Symbols of the Self.....................................................................259Midlife Glossary....................................................................................261Bibliography........................................................................................277Index...............................................................................................291Back Pocket.........................................................................................303
Chapter One
Tools and Personal Choices
Midlife Check-In is a personal journey—one you can settle into. We "settle into" something when we feel safe and comfortable. Picture a place you have known that felt safe, comfortable, and relaxed for you. Maybe it was a particular room or space in a room, a place in nature, or someone's home. When you were a child, it may have been someone's lap.
Think about that special place. Feel how you have settled into it before. Enjoy the memory as you begin to settle into your Midlife Check-In process.
I encourage you to find a physical space that feels safe and comfortable for engaging in your process. Make it your own with some of the suggestions in this chapter. Make it a place you will look forward to settling into.
Two Sections: Tools and Personal Choices
The two sections below, "Tools" and "Personal Choices," will help you settle into your Midlife Check-In process. The first section suggests some tools you may want to have handy.
The second section includes choices for personalizing your check-in process. By considering your preferences in advance, you are taking charge of your journey and beginning to settle in.
TOOLS
There are four kinds of tools to consider. These include tools for:
• Comfort and Safety
• Self-Awareness
• Self-Expression
• Keeping Track of My Thoughts, Insights, and Questions
Just as your Midlife Check-In experience will be unique, so will the combination of your tools. Which ones appeal to you? Which ones would work easily with your usual style? Put a check by the tools in each category that you feel drawn to at this time.
Remember to turn off phone, pager, or anything else that beeps.
Comfort and Safety
__Quiet, private environment that calms me
__Calming music
__Singing bowl, chime, or bell with a soothing tone
__Inspiring photo of myself or of someone I admire deeply
__A cozy blanket or shawl to wrap up in as I read and reflect
__A splash of cold water on my face
__Periodic breaks: Take a walk, even just to another part of my home; step into nature; prepare a sit-down healthy lunch for myself and take time to savor each bite
Self-Awareness
__Mind open to possibilities
__My observer self who can stand alongside of me as a personal witness
__Empathy and compassion for myself
__"The Feelings Gauge" (page 8) for checking in with my feelings
__Trust in that part of me that is wise and gives good counsel
Self-Expression (See end of chapter for A Note About Self-Expression and A Note About Movement page 5.)
__Music to help me express feelings (such as joy, inner peace, sadness, excitement) through movement, art, voice
__Airy scarves that float when I move with them
__Art materials: scissors, glue, crayons, colored pencils, colored pens/markers/construction paper, clay, paints, digital programs
Keeping Track of My Thoughts, Insights and Questions
__My favorite pen or pencil
__Highlighter(s)
__"Back Pocket" (at the end of the book): A place to jot notes, keep track of your insights, ideas, and questions as you go through the process
__A blank personal notebook
(An unlined journal gives you more freedom. Instead of jotting down words, your writing tool may want to draw something or scribble unexpectedly!)
* * *
PERSONAL CHOICES
Consider the following questions and your personal preferences for:
• Comfort and Safety
• Self-Awareness
• Self-Expression
• Keeping Track of My Thoughts, Insights, and Questions
Comfort and Safety
• What physical space(s) will be the most comfortable for me while I am "checking in?"
• Who might I look to for...