Mending Fences Healing Hearts: The Top 10 Keys to a Better Relationship with Your Adult Children

Hey, it’s not too late! Don’t give up! Yes, your stomach churns over your adult children’s bad choices. You didn’t raise them to be that way! Your heart aches as they engage in self-destructive behavior or they’ve just added one more toxic relationship to their friend list. In shock you watch them pile up credit card debt while making little or no effort to find a job. They sit around spending countless hours playing mind numbing video games and texting. Encouraging them to move out on their own is met with guilt laden accusations that you’re “kicking them out.” They refuse to respect your house rules and feel like martyrs if you ask them to help with the chores. Or you discover to your dismay that they’re living with someone and having your grand babies with no plans to get married. Efforts to try to talk only erupt into shouting matches and now they don’t call or come around much. The knot in the pit of your stomach doesn’t go away and discouragement feels like your only companion. You’re overwhelmed with feelings of hopeless resignation. “What’s the use? Nothing works. Now what!” Mending Fences Healing Hearts starts right where you are. It begins by re-energizing your dwindling hope with practical ways to build a better relationship with your adult children. Dr. Chuck Lynch, author, biblical counselor, and international speaker on family issues, has helped many discouraged parents mend broken relationships with their adult children. Chapter 1 begins by restoring your perspective. You are done parenting. Now, you must view your kids as adults like God does, even if they are not acting like adults. Failure to grow up does not excuse a person from adulthood. Dr. Lynch describes in chapter 2 the first practical step to take. It’s a hard one. Rather than talking to them parent-to-child, adjust your communication style to adult-to-adult. That one change has mended many relational fences. Talking down to them doesn’t motivate them to grow up. In Chapter 3 learn how to advise when asked or what to do when they don’t choose to follow your advice or don’t even ask for it. There is a way to open a closed mind. One thing that tears you up is their failure to fulfill your expectations and dreams. Chapter 4 shows how to adjust your expectations to fit today’s reality and gain some welcome peace. Undoubtedly, you did the best you could with the information and maturity you had when you raised them, but you made a few mistakes. In chapter 5, discover how to give and receive forgiveness from the heart and stop being controlled by guilt and regret. You’ll be able to distinguish between forgiveness and trust as it relates to your kids. It’s possible to wipe the slate clean. Chapter 6 makes it clear how to get off the emotional roller coaster and regain some emotional stability yourself. Sure, you love your kids but they may not feel it. Chapter 7 focuses on how to love your kids from their perspective in a healthy way. In chapter 8, learn how good it feels to establish some healthy boundaries and watch what happens through the power of personal responsibility. You’ve worked hard for what you have today. Chapter 9 presents a strategy to dispense your resources wisely and stop feeling like you have to be your adult children’s walking ATM. Grand children are the joy of your heart, however, the way they’re parented or not parented can be a source of pain. The key in chapter 10 is how to be a wise grandparent, regardless of what others are doing. Every relationship involves conflict. That’s not bad. How you deal with conflict can be. The four key elements described in chapter 11 bring personal peace, even if no one else changes. Mending Fences Healing Hearts is written plainly from both a professional and a biblical perspective. It is easily understood and full of common sense. Questions at the end of each chapter provide a practical study guide for small group discussion. You will discover that it’s not too late to mend fences and heal hearts.

As founder and president of Living Foundation Ministries, I am dedicated to helping people through biblical counseling, seminars and lay biblical counselor training. I graduated from Biola University, received a M.A. and M. Div. from Talbot Theological Seminary, and a D. Min. from Trinity Evangelical Divinity School. An international speaker on family issues, I have taught both on the college and graduate level and have authored several books including, I Should Forgive, But… Married for 47 years, my wife, Linda and I have two married daughters and four grandchildren. To learn more about the author please visit http://www.drchucklynch.com