A happy and successful marriage doesn't just happen. It requires communication and a plan. In I Love You ... I Love You More!, author Robert H. Scott Jr. presents ten insights that will help couples enjoy a happy and successful marriage and satisfying life. Based on his experiences during his nearly forty-five-year marriage to his wife, Sandra, who died after a battle with cancer, Scott communicates the qualities of a sound marriage. In I Love You ... I Love You More!, he discusses ten important insights against the backdrop of the issues every marriage faces during the cycle of life, including: Living life day by day Addressing the joys and challenges of children and marriage Understanding how careers affect marriage Growing old Dealing with illness and death Tackling legal issues As Scott reflects on his marriage to the love of his life, he imparts valuable insights to all couples seeking meaningful and satisfying relationships.

I Love You ... I Love You More!

10 Secrets for a Successful Marriage and a Satisfying LifeBy Robert H. Scott Jr.

iUniverse, Inc.

Copyright © 2011 Robert H. Scott Jr.
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4620-0419-5

Contents

Introduction...............................................................................ixChapter One A Life Well Lived..............................................................1Chapter Two What Makes a Marriage a Success?...............................................5Chapter Three Living Life Day by Day.......................................................7Chapter Four Marriage and Children, the Joys and Challenges................................15Chapter Five Careers and Marriage..........................................................19Chapter Six Adolescence to College.........................................................23Chapter Seven Growing Older, Dealing with Empty Nest and Aging Parents.....................27Chapter Eight Challenge of Illness.........................................................31Chapter Nine Legal Issues as We Grow Older.................................................39Chapter Ten Dealing with Loss of your Life Partner.........................................43Poetry Addendum............................................................................51Santa's Secret Addendum....................................................................63

Chapter One

A Life Well Lived

My wife, Sandy, was a teacher. No, not just a teacher, she was an educator in the truest sense of that word. She cared deeply for her students and went far beyond what was required of her to make sure that they had the support and direction they needed as they moved from childhood into adulthood. It was a pleasure to hear her talk about her students and to see her in the classroom, on the playing fields, and in their everyday lives.

She gave to her students the kind of love and attention she gave to me as her husband and to our two children as they grew up and as they became adults. No student or family could ask for more. Despite only a one day notice, and in the midst of a terrible ice storm, over three hundred parents, teachers, students, and friends, many coming from long distances, braved the storm to attend her visitation. It was humbling and heartwarming to see just how much she had touched the lives of others.

We developed early in our marriage a "rules of thirds" for our life together and while this was only a very rough plan of how we wanted our lives to go - and we found lives never go as planned - we were fortunate how much did work out for us. Our plan, if given a full lifetime, was to spend the first third getting our education, the next third raising our family and working at our careers and hopefully earning and saving enough to enjoy the last third of our lives. The final third we hoped also to divide into three parts as well with one third spent with our family and traveling and enjoying each other, one third managing our financial affairs, and one third devoted to pro bono and charitable projects.

Many, even if this is their life plan, will find it difficult to achieve these goals. To have the final part of your life to devote to family and good works will require a level of sacrifice (or some very good luck). Living below your means to accumulate what is needed for later in life is not easy and sacrificing a level of enjoyment in those middle years makes sense only if you can still have enough to enjoy that time of life. Sadly we have seen those who scrimp and save excessively only to find that illness or premature death prevents them from enjoying those savings in later years. As with so much in life a balance is needed between saving and enjoying the present.

Because of choices we made, which are discussed in a later chapter, we were able to fulfill much of what we wanted to do with our lives. Even though Sandy did not choose to retire when she could have done so, devoted as she was to her teaching, she was in a position in the later years to work on a major project. That project was the recognition and treatment of learning disorders, ADD,ADHD, and dyslexia. She recognized that these conditions in many of her students were not being properly identified, if at all, and even fewer were being treated correctly. I was able to assist her in this work and between us we devoted many years to this project and saw great success with our work. I mention this because often the projects that are the most meaningful are ones that you come across and which give you the chance to add real meaning to your life. There is no end to worthwhile projects of this sort and I can only hope that you find meaningful ones in your lives because devotion to them will give you great satisfaction and contribute significantly to a life well lived.

While my wife devoted herself to her educational projects I spent time on various other projects, including an interest in underwater archaeology working with National Geographic, Bob Ballard of Woods Hole, the University of Missouri and the government of Cyprus. This interest developed from an unusual source, a summer short course in international law at Oxford University. While there I ran across an obscure book from the late 1800's about the loss of half the original collection of antiquities forming the base of the antiquities collection of the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City. The collector of these antiquities, General-Count Luigi Palma di Cesnola, had a colorful and interesting career, including being the first Director of the Metropolitan. A civil war hero, with the medal of honor to his credit, and a contemporary of Schliemann (who discovered Troy in Turkey and other major archaeological sites in Greece and Asia Minor) di Cesnola went about uncovering significant discoveries in Cyprus from the earliest bronze and iron ages. The more I learned the more interested I became and this lead to numerous contacts and research that identified the location of the lost artifacts and an effort, that has now stretched over twenty years, in seeing them recovered for Cyprus. In addition to this project, I spent time in my home town rediscovering Crystal Cave, one of the world's largest geode caves, exploring it with the local and state historical societies (via ROV video since it remains entirely underwater). These are only a couple of examples of projects that I devoted myself to after retiring from practicing law. I give them as examples of how projects worth devoting yourself to can come from unusual places.

As a result of work Sandy and I did together, and that we did separately in our own areas of interest, we had interesting and fulfilling lives devoted not only to ourselves, our marriage, and our children but helping others where and when we were able.

Your own interests and opportunities will be much different from ours but it is hoped that you will find a way to balance those things you must do to survive and thrive during your lifetime with other things that give meaning and enjoyment. If so then you will be able to say you have lived a worthwhile and meaningful life.

SECRET ONE:

In a later chapter the difficulty in planning over many years is discussed and how often what is planned does not come to pass. This said, to have a fulfilling life it is important to consider what is really important in your life and to devote yourself to a life well lived. This may be raising a family successfully, having a successful...