The Keys to the Ladies' Room

AuthorHouse

Contents

Introduction: We've Come a Long Way, Baby.....................................xiChapter 1: The New Paradigm...................................................1Chapter 2: Making the Shift...................................................11Chapter 3: Your WHY is the Bull's-eye.........................................25Chapter 4: Going Tribal!......................................................31Chapter 5: Tribal Hunting.....................................................47Chapter 6: Your Story.........................................................53Chapter 7: Your Compelling Introduction.......................................69Chapter 8: A Purpose-Driven Process...........................................99Chapter 9: Tell Me ... Why YOU?...............................................131Chapter 10: Spreading the Word................................................143Chapter 11: Drip, Drip, Drip ... Getting Your Message Out.....................147Chapter 12: You are a Magnet..................................................159

Chapter One

If you are still reading, clearly you are searching for something more, something different. Maybe you sense something is missing. I applaud your willingness to explore new ideas and embrace change! In our industry, so steeped in tradition, these are not common qualities.

Let's face the facts: our business was built by men, for men. Every aspect of this business was designed around the strengths of men. Protocol is based on what works for the male advisor and what attracts the male client. From the way we engage clients to the way we advise them, there is a strongly masculine feel pervading the industry.

We first experienced this masculine influence in the training programs, where advisors are taught a linear approach to building a business: prospecting, selling and closing. Historically, most prospecting was done by phone; 80-90 percent of your time was spent smiling and dialing. Detailed phone reports made it easy for managers to monitor activities.

When women entered the sales force, their networking skills (a natural strength) and preference for face-to-face interactions proved difficult to monitor. Managers couldn't measure how much effort or impact was generated each day; there was no report showing how many people these advisors were meeting with. So their efforts were often disparaged. They must be "out getting their nails done," right?

Women were strongly encouraged (and that's putting it lightly) to adhere to the 250-dials-a-day policy, even when their networking was creating better results. How else could they be managed and kept on track? The industry wanted hard numbers!

While achieving financial success is important to all financial advisors, this goal resonates more strongly with men. For many it's their primary motivator, with competition a close second. To leverage these factors, industry managers often post production lists in a central area, complete with quotas, goals, rankings and rewards.

Women don't relate to this culture the same way men do. They respond to the human element – most notably, the desire to nurture and care for others. It's their softer nature, and historically, this set them up for a culture clash with the industry. Its focus on numbers has systematically undermined their sense of purpose, which is so essential to their process and progress.

To compensate for this imbalance, women have learned to conform, adapt and incorporate a more masculine approach to finance. And they've done an admirable job! But no matter how hard they tried, it always made for an awkward fit. What's more, this process of adapting to a heavily masculine industry has caused many women to lose sight of their own natural strengths, strengths that are critical to their desire for success.

For example, in most offices, long hours earn advisors a certain degree of credibility. "He who gets in the earliest and stays the latest is the hardest-working financial advisor." Yet, this directly conflicts with women's innate drive to accomplish more in less time.

So rather than working at peak efficiency for eight hours, women felt compelled to put in longer hours – even if they were unproductive hours that robbed them of the chance to nurture their loved ones. Over time, this imbalance eroded their motivation and desire to succeed.

Even seminars have long reflected the masculine, warrior mentality. For years, attendees focused solely on the features and benefits of the products, rather than the ethics and values of the companies, advisors and clients. "You have a need, I have a solution. Let's shoot it, bag it, and take it home."

Today, the seminar experience is a bit more female friendly. Smaller group events, where participants engage in conversation in a more intimate setting, are fostering stronger relationships and a sense of trust. This smaller environment is ideal for the female client and advisor, and even male advisors are beginning to recognize the value of a softer approach. But I think we can all agree that evolution has not come easily to our industry.

Finding your voice

As an advisor, you developed your skills within a very controlled environment. That highly structured world has dictated your processes, behaviors, even the scripts and language you use. While many of these structures are immovable, there is plenty of room to operate and speak in a way that feels less indoctrinated and more authentic.

That said, it is not easy to craft your own style in an industry that is so dominated by tradition. Shedding these old scripts can be as difficult as escaping that internalized voice of your parents when you speak to your own children.

When I was a new parent, I was determined to incorporate my own "evolved" ideas in raising children. It wasn't that my parents' methods were bad; I just wanted to become a different kind of parent. However, I was surprised to find it incredibly difficult to break free of the scripts I had soaked up as a child. There were times when I sounded just like my parents. Their words, even their tone of voice came flowing out of me. It was scary! And the busier I was, the more I reverted back to these ingrained patterns. It was so programmed, it felt instinctual.

To carve my own path, I first had to start by making a firm commitment to myself. Then I had to shift my habits and behaviors to make room for my own unique style of parenting. This required a sincere and concerted effort.

To make purposeful changes to your practice, you will have to make that same conscious effort to drown out the voices of the industry. This process requires a willingness to examine and dismantle traditional industry business-building guidelines, and learn to develop your practice within a different framework – a gender-balanced and purpose-focused paradigm.

Make way for the women

The influence of women, both as advisors and clients, has grown so much that it can no longer be ignored. Statistics indicate that women will soon be controlling the majority of the country's wealth. As of 2012: Women comprise 51.4 percent of the U.S. population, yet make or influence 85 percent of all purchasing decisions.

• Women account for $7 trillion in consumer and business spending.

• Women control more than 60 percent of all personal...