Invisible Woman I to I: Invisibility to Invincibility A woman is not an object of study but a subject of realization. Invisible Woman is the heartbeat of Jay's Legacy, a Not For Profit Organization I have established in my late wife's honor. This book is about the Power of Woman. A woman, who is in possession of unique strengths and subtleties such as instinct, intuition, imagination, etc, should never be in a position to lose her sense of pride and value. Unfortunately, due to inner forces, including her capacity to place her loved ones before herself, as well as external societal forces and collective psychology, many times a woman is affronted with doubts regarding her purposefulness and contexuality in relation to her family. Based upon thousands of interactions with female patients, I have analyzed eight basic categories, based upon personality traits, which lend themselves to feelings of invisibility in women: The Merger - The Pleaser - The Defeated - The Doubter - The Masochist - The Martyr -The Exasperated - and The Lost. Each category contains pointed illustrations from patients who exemplified those behavioral characteristics. I take the reader through each of these categories and show how to recognize them, and more importantly, tackle the more pertinent question of what a woman should do if she suffers from the fear or feeling of being invisible. My intention is to help a woman to increase her sense of awareness and self realization, thus ultimately positioning herself as a vital force: a source of energy to mankind. This book also attempts to inspire men to recognize and appreciate the innate qualities of a woman, and in doing so, attain an emotional, intellectual and spiritual communion with a woman. Jagdish D. Kulkarni, M.D. Physician, Psychiatrist, Businessman, Singer and Husband

INVISIBLE WOMAN

I to I: Invisibility to InvincibilityBy Jagdish D. Kulkarni

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2010 Jagdish D. Kulkarni, M.D.
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4520-0755-7

Contents

Introduction Spirit of Woman............................................................................................xiiiChapter 1 Dancing with Rhythm.........................................................................................1Chapter 2 Epiphany: Life is not a problem to be solved but a mystery to be lived......................................17Chapter 3 From Honeymoon to "Honey-Do"................................................................................31Chapter 4 Gray Matters................................................................................................57Chapter 5 Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, Am I Visible at All?............................................................83Chapter 6 Even Though Earth Revolves around the Sun, She Does Not Forget to Rotate around Herself.....................111Chapter 7 The Merger: "Am I Enough by Myself?"........................................................................129Chapter 8 The Pleaser: "Can I Earn Love?".............................................................................141Chapter 9 The Defeated: "Will I Always Feel This Empty?"..............................................................153Chapter 10 The Doubter: "Am I Capable?"................................................................................163Chapter 11 The Masochist: "If I Suffer for You, Will You Love Me?".....................................................173Chapter 12 The Martyr: "Do I Have to Sacrifice Myself to Show My Love?"................................................183Chapter 13 The Exasperated: "How Can I Be Released from the Shackles of Resentment?"...................................193Chapter 14 The Lost: "Is There Any Hope for Me?".......................................................................205Chapter 15 Becoming Soul Mates Instead of Cell Mates...................................................................213Chapter 16 The Journey.................................................................................................227

Chapter One

DANCING WITH RHYTHM:

It was not only Jayashree's exquisite outer beauty but her inner beauty that aroused me to play a man.

It was July 1970 when I saw Jayashree for the first time. It was the beginning of monsoon season in Bombay, and the showers had just stopped for the day. Clouds hung lazily in the late-day sky, and the sun peeked through at regular intervals, casting a luminous glow on the sparkling ground. A vivid rainbow appeared after the storm, hinting at the good fortune that awaited me. The first few showers of the season always seemed to awaken the fragrance of the earth, but there was something particularly enchanting about this day.

As my friend and I made our regular path though the park, we passed two young women. I was only twenty then and not exactly unaccustomed to looking at pretty girls. But one of the girls caught me by surprise. I knew from a single glance that she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. With each step toward us, the profundity of her beauty became more apparent, and I tried to conceal my nervous excitement. She carried herself with such a natural and appealing self-confidence, and her height and delicate features gave her a presence of elegance that set her apart from her peers. I cast a casual glance at her and quickly averted my eyes, just to turn around and watch her walk away. I was filled with a feeling of awe and total happiness. She looked totally engrossed in talking to her friend and oblivious to my signs of outward appreciation. I still remember the way her eyes danced with calm excitement as she chatted with her companion.

In 1970, in India, the cultural environment was quite conservative. Most marriages were arranged, so there was no dating system. When it came to girls, most of the boys were big talkers and infrequent "doers." Admittedly, I belonged in this category. My friends and I would appreciate girls from a distance but rarely summoned the courage to approach one and ask for a date. I don't know what came over me that day in the park, but something about her breathtaking beauty and presence ignited an energy deep within me. I developed a plan to intercept her during her second lap around the park. My stomach turned excitedly for half an hour, when I finally saw her round the corner toward me. Quietly clearing my throat and attempting to straighten myself as I walked, I prepared for the encounter. Even though my mind was resolved and strong, my body was not cooperating. Feeling as though my legs would collapse under me at any moment, I stepped in front of her and asked, "What's your name?" Both girls immediately started laughing aloud. Imagine that! I didn't know what to think. This was hardly the reaction I had visualized as I waited for her to round the corner. Still, there was a definite feeling of exhilaration from standing so close to her and knowing that she had heard me speak. With unchecked excitement, I wondered if I had imagined the flicker of amusement behind her eyes at my transparent attempts to get her attention. My mind was spinning-was it possible that she could even like me? The prospect of communicating further with her, even if it was again one-sided, overcame my feeling of embarrassment created by her laughter. I was not going to give up! I intended to catch her again on the next round, but when she didn't appear after thirty minutes, I deduced that she had gone home for the night.

The rest of the evening and the next day were consumed with thoughts of this mystery woman, and my friend who had accompanied me to the park listened patiently to my impassioned account of the events he had witnessed. I couldn't focus on anything but this woman, and her beautiful, open smile was constantly in my mind. I made plans to coordinate another "chance" encounter. At six o'clock the following evening, my friend and I began the same path around the park. Lo and behold, in the distance we heard the familiar giggles even before the girls became visible to us. The woman who had consumed my thoughts for the past twenty-four hours was looking even more radiant that day. The late evening's wild sun cast a golden glow on her face, and her eyes sparkled even more intensely than I remembered. The first time I passed her, I was not nearly composed enough to attempt conversation in light of what had happened the previous day. It was hard for me to imagine that the connection I experienced could have been felt by only me, and at the very least I thought she would look at me and smile. But she seemed to be completely unaware of my presence. I felt a pit in my stomach. What if I truly had imagined the flicker in her eyes? What if she had a boyfriend? A million doubts flooded my mind-why had none of this occurred to me until now? Though my first instinct was to protect my damaged ego, something compelled me to cast aside my concerns and take a risk.

The next time we passed, I walked up to her and asked the very same question: "Hi, what's your name?" To my dismay, I received the same response as the day before, as both girls erupted in laughter and walked past me without a word. I was genuinely humiliated. My pride had been damaged, and I was not going to let it go. Twice now I had been dismissed, and I was determined to redeem...