THE AWAKENING

It was during September and October 2011 also the year my Dad died, which was a few months prior. I remember lying in my bed after waking up from a nap. I was in a very depressed state of being. I heard the voice, "Get up my child" which was the voice of God. I immediately got up and sat up on the bed. I was not in shock from hearing his voice but the feeling I got was I knew it was something very serious that was being asked of me and now it was my time to get it done. Also referred to as a "Walk-in" when the higher self (true spiritual being) steps into the body (physical reality) and the lower self (old self/lower you) leaves the reality because the higher self knows the direction and the path to where it is going. I had experienced a death and rebirth and was divinely awakened to the real me who would soon begin to remember the journey through many lives and the promises and the love of who I am would soon become reality. My life began to shift and change drastically the year of my awakening and there was no escaping it. They were literally after and "Coming for me". I remember asking God, "Why me"? He said, "Why not you"? This was also during the year my dad (transitioned). I noticed the rapid changes and things began to fall suddenly from my life and all at once. Most family members who saw the changes happening in my life as well but they could not relate to what I was going through and the intensity of the changes I endured. I felt no one was here who really understood me except my dad who was no longer here. Although being raised with him ended when I was 5yrs old when I went to live in a foster home until my aunt picked me up along with 4 of my other siblings, we shared a close bond together and he protected and guided me throughout my life in his own special and unique way. He always knew our whereabouts throughout my entire life up until the day he became ill. I did not know it until his memorial service that he told one of his brothers at the age of five that I was special and would grow up to be someone great. He also protected me as such. This brought heavy tears to my eyes even as I write this because although he was a man of few words my dad knew me all along and was here to protect me. My favorite aunt Christine said to both my mother and father when I was born she saw a special mark on my forehead and that I would grow up to be a missionary or someone huge (in her words). My dad was a very strong but sensitive man with the physical strength of about ten men literally and I felt completely safe and protected with him around and as long as he was alive I felt completely safe. As the oldest of eight brothers and sisters and growing up in the very tough urban streets of Watts, (the projects) in Los Angeles, California, Dad had to be strong. He never showed fear and was known throughout the neighborhoods and was looked at as "Big Joe" or the "Big brother" to everyone who knew him. My Dad was not only our protector but as the big brother he was also known to defend, protect and discipline those in his family as well as friends who knew and accepted him as their "Big Brother". He kept his physical appearance immaculate and his physical body in top shape. He was superior and indeed "One of a kind". Growing up in his era, he was known to fight for equality in the community during the "Black Panther Movement" and during the "Watts Riots" which was a fight against a lot of injustice in the neighborhoods he grew up and where I was raised as a young child. I am the firstborn to him and my mother and the fourth oldest of nine of his children and I have always been known to be his favorite and as a "Daddy's girl" because that's how he treated me. I always felt even as a little girl he was put in my life for that reason. When he left, I wanted to go with him. That's how close my love is and will always be. Our bond became stronger when he came to live with my family and me in 2008-2009. I took good care of him for over a year. I felt he was saying good-bye ahead of time. I was so proud to have him live with me and after a yearlong battle he was diagnosed with gastric cancer (cancer of the stomach), which he did not recover from. The disease suddenly degenerated his health along with his on and off battle and prolonged use of heroin. Prior to this I remember him calling me on the phone and saying, "Hi Baby, how you doing"? He said, "I want to come back up there and live with you. I want you to take care of me". I said to him, "Daddy, I'm not keeping my house. I'm leaving". He insisted upon coming and I maintained the fact that I was leaving my house and everything behind. Okay he said. I didn't realize until afterwards that he wanted to die around me and after I said no he contributed to taking his life because he was in so much pain both physical and emotional. That left me completely devastated and I don't remember much after that except everything was leaving my life in a hurry. No matter what, I did not judge either of my parents for the life they lived. I loved them both no matter what. Today, most kids raised without their parents are quick to hold resentment, anger and an unforgiving heart towards them causing further issues, hang-ups and set-backs within their own lives and making it difficult to move forward especially without knowing the facts of what the parent had to endure in their own life either after or prior to conceiving them. Most times they themselves are in abusive relationships and maybe tried to hold it together and some may needed help or support from family members or others that they never received because of pretentious behaviors from those family members. It is very hard to perceive this at the time you endure the abuse and struggle, however the universe will quickly open up your eyes and at some point in life after you've reached the right age of maturity and can understand better. Which is why and while on the earth when referring to the scriptures God tells us to "honor" our mother and father and it will go well with us. He did not say provided they do the right thing, he said to "honor" them in other words it will go well with you and whatever you do in life you will be supported. In my opinion this was one of the most important commandments he attached a blessing to because when they are gone, you will miss them. It will always be something you wish you could have done differently. The universe will make sure of that and will serve those lessons to you on a silver platter. The love I had for both of them was natural and I could not see myself reacting any other way even through the trauma, hurt and abuse that they had no clue I endured while out of their care. Emotionally we all experience hurt in many different ways and my hurt was felt the same as anyone else. After we were taken away from them I remember being affected the most growing up. I was always the one crying all the time in foster homes and although being taken to my aunt's house to live, my mother's sister, I still cried. I would hide in the closet and cry my eyes out. While in a foster home, I remember my oldest...