Cedar Tree

Whatever we do, we should have self-control when doing it. The Lord knows what we will do even before we do it, so why not have some respect for God and stay within the boundaries. Sometimes that seem like a difficult task to accomplish, but through Christ Jesus, all things are possible.

One time my roommate, John, and I went to a nearby park to go jogging. As we began to jog, I saw a nice lady and her son throwing a softball back and forth. I waved to her, just to see if she would respond. And she did. My next move was to talk to her, since I didn't see a man around. But before I did, I argued within myself several times. I wasn't sure how she would react if I went over and interrupted her evening with her son. I finally got the courage and walked up and introduced myself. After we broke the ice, we talked about life. I could tell that she enjoyed the conversation, because when I first approached, she looked like she didn't want to be bothered. But after I told her that I was a true believer of God, she could tell I was being honest with her. And I did not get out of line and say crazy things, which also gave me some cool points. When I first walked over, she paid more attention to her son, as she should have; but before I left she wasn't throwing the ball to her son as much as she had been in the beginning. She was more interested in what I had to say and also wanted to add her opinion, which I thought was wonderful. We both learned something from each other. My point is, if she had not wanted to talk to me, my self-control would have kept me from getting angry or saying something stupid. I have seen people lose control just because a woman didn't like them. This control, which keeps you in line when things get out of hand, can be obtained only from God.

Love is a four-letter word that most times means more than what we may think. My brother Tony and I enjoyed playing pool at a sports bar called Temptation's. We also went there for the scenery it provided for any man who wanted to meet a nice-looking lady. When we went there, I often saw a high-yellow girl walking around, taking orders. I thought she was a beautiful woman. One day I told Tony that I was going to have her; be careful what you ask for, because it just might happen. My brother and I were just chilling and decided to shoot pool at Temptation's. I got up the nerve to ask her name and if I could get her phone number. When I approached, I must have startled her, because she looked a bit shaken up. She politely told me her name was Linda and gave me her pager number. I didn't care what number it was, as long as I had some way of getting in contact with her. I didn't want to take up much of her time because she was working.

I paged Linda a few times and took her to work. My feelings for her kept growing. Not long afterward, she agreed to go out on a date with me. We went to a club, and then Linda spent the night at my place. The next morning, she said she needed to leave and take care of something. I asked why she had to leave, because I was very interested in her, and I didn't want her to go just yet. Linda said she had an appointment with the cable company, and she didn't want to miss it. I had nothing else to say; I took her home as she'd asked. But I was a bit concerned, because something didn't feel right about the situation. It was that she was meeting the cable guy on a Sunday. I wasn't aware at that time that you could get cable hooked up on a Sunday.

About three days passed, and I didn't hear anything from Linda. On the fourth day, while I was at work, I got a call from my nephew Derrick. He said that Linda had called; she was in jail for writing a bad check. Somehow I thought it was my responsibility and obligation to visit her in jail. I know that most people would have a different opinion, but I liked her and wanted to give her a chance. On my third visit, I told Linda I loved her; my heart overpowered my mouth. I really don't know why I told her that, because I barely knew this woman. I'd like to believe that God had more to do with it than I did. I say that because Linda told me she'd felt like killing herself before I said I loved her. I do know that God placed me in Linda's life for a reason, even though our relationship didn't last long. Some may not understand why God allows us to cross paths with another person, which may cause us to stay too long and become trapped, especially when the other person has some issues, which may not be good. But God knows all our needs and the times when they need to be met.

I believed Linda needed a friend who would love her in a time of despair. God knew what she would face even before she did, and I came along in her life at the right moment. I can't speak for Linda, but I learned a valuable lesson from our relationship. I've learned how to love even more and to hold fast to that love, just as God loves me. The rest is up to the other person, who has to do their job and return the love. But you know what it is like when you first meet someone to whom you are attracted. It seems like they are the best thing ever to come into your life. With Linda, I wasn't sure if she were really my type. I didn't know exactly what I wanted; plus, I had no idea that my feelings for her would grow. I had rushed into my first marriage, so I didn't want to rush this relationship. But as I spent more time with Linda, it happened anyway. Still, I wanted to approach it from a different angle. I'd heard stories from guys who said that when you act like you don't care for a woman, she gives you all the respect in the world. And when you show her that you truly love her, that's when she gives you her ass to kiss. I used two tactics with this one lady and I was intrigued with both results.

The first tactic of being hard worked, although I didn't believe it would. I wasn't mean to Linda or anything like that; I just acted like I didn't care that much. In the beginning, she was all over me and wanted to be around me all the time. I felt like I was being crowded and my space was being invaded. But I enjoyed it as well; it felt good to have a woman chase me for a change. To be honest with you, at that time I had forgotten how to be in love; it had been more than fifteen years since my wife and I had separated. But trying to be hard core with Linda backfired on me like a rubber band that had been stretched to its greatest potential, and, in the end, the pain popped back at me. I fell deeper and deeper in love with her, while it seemed as though she was falling out of love with me, especially when word got out that I was still married. I tried to explain my reasons for not telling her, but she did not want to hear them. Here's a tip for women in general: if you want to know something, just ask. Linda didn't ask, so I kept my mouth shut.

I wasn't sure if we had the right chemistry. I knew that her love for me was weakening, because one time Linda and I got into an argument and she left. We were apart for no more than two weeks or so, but she had slept with someone else. I was torn apart. But I didn't want to give up on her, because I'd come to the conclusion that men had done the same thing to women for many years. I wanted to show her that I was a different type of man; I wasn't a man who would easily give up. But things didn't get any better. Meanwhile, we were still in this relationship.

I got her a car in my name, and by then I was all in. I wanted to marry Linda. For whatever reason, we stayed together. I changed from being that...