Who Cares?

You go into a public speaking situation. You've practiced in your head and you're really, really nervous. Or maybe just kind of nervous.

Or maybe you know it's going to be bad. The last time you spoke in front of more than one other person, you flushed too much and felt so sweaty. Or maybe the last time you kept tripping over your words and you could tell people weren't listening to you. You think, this time it will be different. I won't sound like a robot. I practiced in my head, in the shower, in the car. I have this.

You go in. You do it.

And it doesn't turn out how you want it to turn out. You tripped over your words, you flushed, you got in your head and you didn't know what to say next. Or maybe it was just fine. It was nothing special, just another meeting, another pitch, another ok presentation.

And you think: Maybe I'm not a good public speaker.

Or maybe this is you: You get home. You're exhausted. Your family/ significant other/roommate says something to you and you are so tired from your day that you only half hear them, saying a quick 'Yeah ok' and really just focus on heading to a space where you don't have to see people anymore. Collapsing on your bed/couch/ floor, you finally relax from your day, just a little bit. Suddenly, your family/significant other/roommate is upset because they asked you to do something and you SWEAR you never heard anything like that. They aren't crazy and you aren't crazy, you just missed the information. And maybe, this same situation just happened at work. With your boss. Or a client. Or a customer. And now you feel foolish.

And you think: Maybe I'm not a good listener.

Or maybe this is you: You go into a new situation, all ready to be yourself and wow them. They might be ready to hire, to do business, to date. You're dressed to impress. You get in there and something in your brain just stops. You end up being shy when you are actually quite bubbly, or you end up spewing word vomit everywhere. If it's an interview, you might be saying in your head 'STOP TALKING STOP TALKING STOP TALKING' or maybe it's the opposite – you have that witty/smart/incredible thing to say, and it doesn't come to you until you walk out the door. Another one bites the dust and you don't understand why you can't just be yourself. Maybe you don't know what it means to be you.

And you think: Maybe I'm not good at being myself.

All of these situations cause anxiety and uncertainty. I know because I've been in all of these situations. I coach students that have been there too. I work with professionals that experience this every day and continue to meet people that have that ME TOO moment when they hear that even the best speakers get nervous, even the best listeners miss things, and even the people that seem so unapologetically themselves get anxious sometimes. My business is built on the idea that people experience all of these things and want to improve. I know great ways that will help all of these situations get better. Ways that will build lasting skills and actionable things you can do while reading this book.

Before we start this adventure together, what are your expectations from this book? Why did you get it? Why was it given to you? Why did you find it somewhere and pick it up instead of regift it to your friend? Be clear and specific with your expectations before you dive in – even if it's 'my friend told me to read it' or 'you're my friend so I feel like I have to read it'. Just be sure to take a moment and think about what you want from this book.

You might like me and my advice, you might hate me and my advice. It's all good. Please know that like me or not, listen to me or not, try to keep an open mind until the end. After you've tried it, read it, gotten through it – then judge it. Improvisational comedy, or improv, is about being in the moment, paying attention to the here and now and responding to it. Chances are a lot of this might be new for you. You might not have experienced this type of thinking before, or tried these activities, or even thought about improv past SNL (which actually isn't improv!) New things are often a little uncomfortable. Embrace the discomfort.

Try it, and then make a choice.

Afterward, please judge. Send me an email, leave a review – whatever you like. I won't fight you on it or try to make you like me or my ideas, you won't get a nasty email back or some review arguing that this does work, as long as you judge it afterwards. Stay in the moment, try it out, and then decide.

Deal?

Now let's carry on.

Introduction: A Hostage Situation

I am a firm believer the playing field should be leveled as much as possible. So I want to level the playing field between you and me.

I have a confession: I'm writing this book against my will and I'm holding my imposter syndrome hostage.

All joking aside, when I first considered the idea of writing a book, the thing that popped into my head was that little (loud) voice of self-doubt. You might know that voice as imposter syndrome or your inner critic or that undefined voice that says 'What do YOU have to offer?' Those six words kept ringing in my head.

A few years ago, I confronted that little voice head on and I lost. A publishing company reached out to me and asked if I would be interested in writing a book on improv. I was terrified and thrilled: terrified, see the above voice and six words. Thrilled: I love writing and I love inspiring people through improv. I run a company called The Engaging Educator (EE) that helps people improve their communication, presentation, and social skills through improv-based continuing education. I initially embraced the thrilled part and told my friend and business collaborator about the publishing company and offer, and the first thing he said was exactly what that ugly imposter syndrome voice was yelling: 'What do YOU have to offer? It's all been said.'

This led to a longer conversation about how he knew a guy who had all this incredible experience teaching at a corporate level, and he wrote a book on improv. It didn't do well. Why did this publisher want me to do it? At the time, I had only owned my business for about a year and a half, so I deferred to his experience and opinion. I let the idea slip away and found excuses not to do it. I stalled in writing; I was 'busy' and avoided calls and meetings. I just didn't do it. I let that voice of doubt win. The publishing company stopped emailing, and I was alone with my imposter syndrome. Not the best of company. The idea and opportunity passed.

Over the next four years, the idea of writing a book kept popping up. I kept ignoring it until finally I found myself asking why. Why...