CHAPTER 1

Platitudes:Empty Words that Make the Most Noise

Market churn has set us adrift.
What we need is a paradigm shift.
Get our ducks in a row,
push the envelope,
to keep us from going o'er the cliff.

The boss says, "Let's touch base.
Make game-plans for the next phase.
We'll have meetings and talks.
Think outside the box,
to ensure we're still in the race."

But the elephant in the room
refuses to sing to our tune,
or dance to our beat,
sing from the same sheet
—even once in a blue moon.

From "A cliché-ridden corporate crisis in five limericks" (Kailash Awati)

We are an elite team ...

What better way to start a book that takes a critical look at all the messedup stuff going on in organisations than with the cult movie "MysteryMen," starring Ben Stiller, Hank Azaria and William H. Macey.

In this movie, the fate of Champion City rests in the hands of sevenself-declared superheroes. The reality is that our intrepid "heroes" are fairlyinept. Among them, we have the perpetually angry "Mr Furious," the forkflinging "Blue Raja," "The Shoveler" and the mysterious "Sphinx." Despitetheir individual failings, which they are oblivious to, they somehow bandtogether to triumph against the evil "Casanova Frankenstein."

The Sphinx character is our favourite. He is a master ofquasi-philosophical, Zen-like utterances that have no meaning whatsoever.Consider the following classic Sphinxisms:

"To learn my teachings, I must first teach you how to learn."

"You must lash out with every limb, like the octopus who playsthe drums."

"He who questions training only trains himself at askingquestions."

At one point, Mr Furious grows tired of these teachings, and thisfollowing dialogue ensues:

MR FURIOUS: Okay, am I the only one who finds these sayings just a little bitformulaic? (Mimicking the sphinx) If you want to push somethingdown, you have to pull it up. If you want to go left, you have togo right. It's ...

SPHINX: Your temper is very quick, my friend. But until you learn tomaster your rage ...

MR FURIOUS: Your rage will become your master? That's what you were goingto say. Right? Right?

SPHINX: ... Not necessarily

This exchange is a classic illustration of a platitude: a meaninglessstatement that is presented as if it were significant and original. The wordis derived from plat, the French word for flat. Platitudes are exceedinglycommon in management and consulting circles. In a paper, Barabba,Pourdenhad and Ackoff (2002) stated that:

"... consultants are of two types: self-promoting gurus andeducators. Gurus that pontificate and promote their proprietaryproblem solving techniques do not educate their clients. Theypromote maxims that define rules of behaviour but do notincrease the competence of managers. They promote theirproprietary solution as a fix for all problems instead of tryingto increase managerial understanding of a particular corporatepuzzle. They provide maxims that are really platitudes andpanaceas without proof of effectiveness ..."

Of course, one person's profundity may be another's platitude;whether or not a particular statement is platitudinous is indeed subjective.Nevertheless, the term is often used in a pejorative sense to describeseemingly profound statements that a particular person views as unoriginalor shallow. In this chapter we'll examine platitudes, some blatant, others alittle more subtle, to see just how insidious they are and what they can tellyou about the culture and maturity of organisations.

Mission and vision statements—too easy

The first and most obvious fertile hunting ground for platitudes that ourfriend, the Sphinx, would be proud of would have to be organisationalmission and vision statements.

"The mission and vision statement maketh the organisation," says theCEO. But does it really? Will those couple of sentences in large font,proudly hanging on the wall behind reception, serve as the rudder used bymanagement to guide the organisation to greatness?

For many reasons we think not, but we are not the first to be cynical.This topic has been done to death elsewhere, so we will simply touch onit here before we get to our main point.

For a start, the phrase "mission statement" is not the latest, nor is itthe first term to be used to describe organisational aims and objectives.Nowadays though, many organisations do not label their aims andobjectives as a mission statement.

So, why does a term like "mission statement" go out of fashion?Typically, this happens when everyone starts using it at every opportunity.

Soon, the term loses its original intent, impact and import. The firstpeople to notice this loss of meaning are those on the receiving end ofthe platitude; employees who have to translate the mission statement intoreality. For these folks,...