CHAPTER 1

Healing Outside MemoriesIs an Inside Job

He remembered everything, the good times, the toughtimes, the beautiful, the ugly. You name it, he rememberedit. It began when he was five years old. Home from schooland too sick to be up playing with toys, he lay in bed andlooked at the calendar. By the end of the week, he hadmemorized the entire year of 1966. As the years went by,each day he would make mental notes of which day it waswhen this or that event happened.

Sometimes it was fun to remember everything. He couldlook back at his childhood and remember happy timeson the beach with his family and friends, swimming in theocean, boating in the bay, going to the boardwalk, thebursts of hysterical laughter while enjoying Thanksgivingdinner with his grandparents. He remembered every familypicnic, and he remembered every Christmas morning,including which presents he did or didn't get each year.

His birthday memories included who came to the party,at what restaurant the family dined, the palatial delightsthat were indulged. He also remembered the carnivalacross the street which always happened to be the sameweek as his birthday.

Then there were the good times in school. He hadvarious roles in the school plays, including Beelzebub inSaint George and the Dragon and the young boy in AChristmas Carol who Scrooge sends to buy the turkey.Never mind that he stood a head taller than the boy whoplayed Scrooge. There were the two game saving catchesin Little League, and the award he won for being the bestEnglish student at his junior high graduation. He was evenelected president of his sixth grade class.

He remembered all the good times with friends.Canoeing on the river, crawling through manholes andbeing relieved that he and his friend lived. Playing arcadegames at the shore. Pulling pranks at fraternity parties suchas trashing someone's room while they were indisposedin another. He not only remembered his first kiss, but hissecond, third, and every kiss thereafter. What a great lifeto remember!

Having a great memory could be a pain in the brain atother times. How would you like to remember every nastything that every kid in school ever said to you or did to you?Would you like to remember every time your boss yelledat you at a job?

There were those kisses, but there were also painfulbreakups. There were times of being recognized for goodjob performance, but there was also the time of beingpermanently laid off from his first job after college. They hadthe nerve to say, "You can either hate us or be thankful forthe experience." Unbelievable!

He also had a plethora of mixed memories, including atour of Europe and a tour of American Battlefields. The sightswere great, but the company left much to be desired.

There were mixed moments in school, too. Heremembered playing the trumpet in the school show Guysand Dolls. When he auditioned with his trumpet, the banddirector bluntly stated, "You sound good, I'm surprised."

As the years went by, the memories grew and wouldrandomly flash into his consciousness. He not only recalledthe sights and sounds, but his nerves would flood withintense feelings as if he were experiencing the memory atthat very moment. One moment to the next would bringa roller coaster of intense laughter, mourning, or anxietydepending on which memory popped into the forefront ofhis brain.

Then one day, he had a life-changing thought. What ifhe could find a way to hold onto the good feelings from thegood memories while at the same time, reduce or eliminatethe occurrence and intensity of the bad memories and theroller coaster of emotions that those bad memories broughtwith them? Being a good student, and an imaginative soul,he decided to experiment with his mind. His brain would bethe laboratory, and the memories would be the researchsubjects.

Day after day, he performed different experiments withhis happy and unhappy memories. This was quite a feat fora teenager. However, since he memorized an entire year ofthe calendar at age five, maybe mental gymnastics withhis memories was not the stretch that it seemed.

Besides being imaginative, the young man was also anastute observer of human nature. He noticed that whileother people did not remember as many events as he did,people were affected by their memories. Kids who werebullied at school either became shy or they became bulliesthemselves. People whose spouses died seemed to neverbe happy again. He would often notice that many peoplewould mope and sulk if they had lost a lover or did not geta job they wanted.

These observations of human nature made him angryand compassionate. He felt angry because it seemed unfairthat anyone should be stuck in the past as a victim of theirunpleasant memories. He felt compassionate becausehe wanted to help people. Between the fascination withmemory and the emotions elicited by studying humannature, it seemed only fitting that he should study psychologyin college.

You may have surmised by now that this man is me. Ihave dedicated my life to controlling my own mind as Ihave so many memories in it, and I live to help people dothe same through my counseling and coaching work.

The methods that I have discovered and learned haveenabled me to help hundreds of people recover more...