REMEMBERING

THE LONGEST JOURNEY I ever made was from my head T to my heart, although technically it is only 18 inches.

Remembering, always it seemed growing up, you just listened and obeyed and followed. No matter what if "they" told you to do it or think it (you would validate it in your head). We all resonate with that memory "we are never good enough – you are not smart enough – you don't listen enough" etc.

So, your journey from innocence and joy and childhood magic transforms to repetitive stoic "head people" to a travesty – where no more princes and princesses and magical carriages carry you away (to "time out" and caustic reprimand and scolding and sometimes pain).

What is the lesson here?

We are born as love and purity and all good.

Where does that change? I believe it is very insidious and we have no idea that when we are very young we are victims of victims living in their environment.

It is constant and unconscious, and we just: "follow", "Don't Touch", "Don't Push", "Stop Crying", "Come Here" ... and it goes on and on.

In perspective – it is so immobilizing, so negative and so limiting.

How do we progress? (Through sheer determination and will at this age) is there any other answer? Yes. Divine intervention.

We remember the hideous parts and we try to expand on it.

Where do we start? From the time I was thrown down the stairs by my father because I cried when they told me there would be a sister ... Or the time there was no food and I climbed to a high cupboard and ate Crisco shortening and got caught.

Examining the HEAD people

that hurt our hearts and our beings, we understand that they had no reference. They were not capable of healing our hearts or our Heads.

Some little people do experience loving people who had some heart aspect.

Most rattle around in fear and constant panic to try to assuage "them" or we were invalidated completely.

This is a very long journey.

* * *

As a small child we come into life "pure and unadulterated".

Then slowly we become socialized (main stream style!) into the uniformed life.

It has to be trauma that is stamped if you look into a baby's eyes. They are able to see auras when they first come in and after a while most all lose the ability altogether.

Thinking back on your life what can you remember? And how far back? Surely isolated memories come back but not with their true feelings and emotions.

(I can remember standing in a crib so long and taking off dirty diapers and spreading them – which incurred much anger and wrath). So, this behavior keeps us stuck in the head. It becomes very clear why I equate the word Head with the word FEAR. Let me figure out how I can get out of this mess, or avoid it, or better yet not have it occur at all?!

So, the little person in the carriage who gets gloating attention from many people, figures it out (HEAD): "if I smile a lot they will coo at me, then they may love me, they may also give me a prize (a bottle, a biscuit etc.)". As pure as the heart is at this time, it does not render itself because of the incessant chatter and expectancy to perform.

And so we move from the carriage to the playpen and are "caged" in with various toys and new expectations, "she is trying to stand up" – with much coercion and direction – "let her do it herself" – "don't help her", along with many pointers on the toys; " Do not throw it" – "don't bite it". And the coup de grace "Play Nicely" whatever that means!!

So once again we use our mental tactics to figure out how:

1. To get out of the cage!

2. Play nicely (maybe it means don't cry!!)

3. By golly pull yourself up even if it hurts!!

If there was no adult behavior such as described, perhaps we would sit as long as we choose; bang the toys to hear the noise, and try to climb out over the rails – all led by our heart's intention – but the truth is it is almost always modified by an adult. Then, to keep you truly in your head, the best of all is "be a good girl or boy". Being a good girl or boy means you smile when directed, by looks or words, you "kiss Granma Jean" when instructed and you never cry or whine!!

So we "come in" as pure little heart people and are forced to take the journey from there to the head and ultimately back to the heart.

Perhaps it cannot be done in all cases in one lifetime but the Beauty and the Purity in a baby's eyes tell all and the difference a few years make tells a different story (sometimes not even a few years -I see pictures of little people with tragedy etched all over their faces).

They never have had "parenting schools". How divine that would be!! If only there were parenting schools with conscious teachers, not only aware but loving and kind.

That would make the earth plane existence a more magical place – so that is a dream! Such a divine one!

And a few blessed souls have the grace to have parents such as these and it would help with their journey to an extraordinary degree.

The absence of yelling and punishing (verbally or physically) has to grant a small child a safety net – a composed place, to ponder and to dream and nurture heart work.

As I mentioned before we are all victims of victims and considering that it opens the door to forgiveness ("to give for" – to release for our growth). For some, that is impossible and they carry a burden of anger and hatred never understanding that point.

(In my childhood there was abuse – locked in rooms, mercilessly screamed at, abandoned -physically and emotionally, punishment for menial reasons, and favoritism with my other sibling). Now, with my mother dead, I see only the best part of her: Mothering, her Irish humor, her wounded heart, and her pain – and I put her in my band of Angels (with her twin sister). They watch over me all day and my heart is filled with gratitude and forgiveness.

She was doing the best that she could with the understanding, knowledge, and awareness that she had at the time.

The problem with not choosing the higher road to consciousness is that we transfer it to our parenting and to our children, and you experience the cause and effect of it, and the transfer to carry venom in your bloodline.

If you are blessed to take the Heart way – you save yourself and generations from suffering.

Remember when you went to the market with your mother or care person you had to sit in the cart and stay still, or you went to the department store and all you wanted to do was to run and hide in the clothing racks. As an adult, did you ever experience what seems like eternity when you could not find your child, or one you were in charge of? And you dart and yell in panic until the loudspeaker calls: "Mrs. Lindsay, Ty is in the office waiting for you". Or, someone finds this little person inside a huge rack of clothes, and asks: "Is this your son?"

Big lesson for the Heart: "Please God help me find him and I will never yell, hit again".

As we remember the memory from our perspective, the child has a totally different memory. It may be gentle or it may be caustic, but it is theirs. It also stays with us as we see it – and plays at our heartstrings helping us to become more aware or more in fear.

Also, when you...