My hope is that this book will help others in the world suffering from the disease of addiction. I spent years upon years struggling with drugs and alcohol and finally was led out by the ever-loving grace of God and a twelve step recovery program. As you read through this book you will despise the person I became in my active addiction, and I hope that you see the depths we can go to as addicts. But there is a happy ending to this horrific story so I pray you will receive a message of hope and understand it is not the person you should despise, but the disease. I know God saved me so that I can tell this story to everyone.

Gutters & Roses

By Tim Weber

AUTHORHOUSE

Copyright © 2008 Tim Weber
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4389-2779-4

Contents

Forward by George Butler (Carroll County States Attorney's Drug Investigator).....................1Poems.............................................................................................5Part One What it was like........................................................................7The Mom I Barely Knew.............................................................................9The Dad I Feared..................................................................................12You're Not My Mom!................................................................................15The Addiction Begins..............................................................................16The Move to Centennial High School................................................................20My Dreams and Aspirations Destroyed...............................................................23DWI...............................................................................................26My College Career.................................................................................27The Needle and the Spoon..........................................................................29Fatherhood Begins.................................................................................30Megan & Michael...................................................................................32The Flower Business...............................................................................34The First of Many Rehabs..........................................................................35Heroin............................................................................................38Kentucky..........................................................................................43Texas Tornado.....................................................................................48The Original Candy Arrangement....................................................................49Suicide Attempt...................................................................................52The Ranch.........................................................................................54You Have the Right to Remain Silent...............................................................55Drug Motels.......................................................................................57The Ranch (Round Two).............................................................................61The Dating Service................................................................................64Code Blue Overdose................................................................................65The Bottom Starts.................................................................................67Why Toby and Not Me?..............................................................................70My Guardian Angel.................................................................................73Part Two What Happened to Change Me..............................................................81The Look that Changed My Life.....................................................................83November 8th, 2003................................................................................86Part 3 What it is like today.....................................................................89Cattails Country Florist..........................................................................91Will You Marry Me, Again?.........................................................................93Guardian Angel....................................................................................94Super Bowl XLI....................................................................................96God, Meetings, Service and Family.................................................................99Acknowledgments...................................................................................101

Chapter One

Part One What it was like

The Mom I Barely Knew

It was December 6, 1976, about 8:30 in the morning. I was eleven at the time and most definitely a mama's boy. I walked into my room where my mother was sleeping. She had slept in my bed because my dad and she were fighting the night before. The night of the fight was just like many before; my dad was screaming and yelling at Mom, to this day I still don't know what it was about. I just know it happened a lot. Anyway, as I was going through my sock drawer I noticed my brother Pat sitting on the bed next to my mom. He looked at me and said, "Mom's not breathing."

I stared at him in disbelief. He screamed, "Go get Dad!"

I ran to my dad's room and banged on the door and in a panic screamed, "Mom is dead!"

He flew out of the shower dripping wet and ran to my room and shook her and shook her! He then picked up the phone and called 911. "I need an ambulance, at ..." I do remember that he could not even remember our address; he was most definitely in shock. The next few minutes I really don't remember, I just know I was told to leave the room and go to the living room; minutes later there was an ambulance at our door and EMTs rushing back to my room.

I must have been in a trance. I remember this part like it was yesterday. I sat in my dad's recliner with my dog Oreo. Dogs are smart and even he knew I needed him in my lap just looking up at me and licking my face; in his own way he was taking care of me. I just watched all the activity in my house. I do not remember shedding one tear at that time. We loaded up and went to the Picayune Memorial Hospital, as at the time we were living in Picayune, Mississippi. I remember sitting in the waiting room and wondering what in the world was going on. Then a grim-faced doctor came out and said, "She is gone, I am sorry, sir." I think he said she was dead on arrival.

I watched my Dad and Pat closely and don't really remember any of us crying. I could be wrong, but as I recall it that is the way it was. I guess we were all in shock.

My brother Mike was off at college so we had to drive to his school and break the news to him. I remember walking down the corridor to my brother's dorm room; I was a few steps behind Pat and, he behind Dad. All I remember was the look on Mike's face. He knew something was wrong, why else would we all be there in the middle of the week? I didn't hear what Dad said. I just saw Mike collapse in Dads' arms and start sobbing. That was the first I remember crying about my mom's death at all, it was like, ok, Mike is, so I can too. I don't know where that came from, but that was how I felt. Mike was my idol.

So we all got in the car and drove back home. I remember thinking all the way back home, what am I going to do? Just last night I took my mom a glass of water and she told me she loved me and I said I love you too. And now she is dead! How could this happen? I was ten years old and just lost my one and only emotional caretaker, my mom! I was lost, scared and felt all alone. The funeral was at a big church. I don't recall the name. I remember my mom had really gotten into church months before she died. Looking back now it gives me a good feeling to know she was a Christian. I only recall three things about the funeral. There were a lot of people I did not know, my Dad had one tear roll down his face and was gritting his teeth as to hold back any emotion. It was never verbally told to me but this is when I must...