Death and Dying are two of the most feared and misunderstood words in our language. When someone is told they will die from a diagnosed illness, fear grips their heart and mind. This book not only gives insight into my journey of loss but also gives helpful suggestions to friends and family who are a support system. Not only for a loved one facing end-of-life issues, but also for friends and family coping with loss.

Grief and Hope—The Journey to Serenity

By Ann Ragobar

Balboa Press

Copyright © 2012 Dr Ann Ragobar
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4525-5809-7

Contents

Acknowledgements................................................................................................................ixForeword........................................................................................................................xiPreface.........................................................................................................................xiiiIntroduction....................................................................................................................xviiDefinition 1. Divine............................................................................................................xixChapter 2. Coping With Grief....................................................................................................1Poem 3. Never Alone.............................................................................................................6Chapter 4. On Death and Dying...................................................................................................9Chapter 5. Diagnosis............................................................................................................13Poem 6. Afraid To Die...........................................................................................................18Poem 7. Listen With Your Heart..................................................................................................22Chapter 8. Caregiver Burnout....................................................................................................25Chapter 9. Care For The Caregiver...............................................................................................29Chapter 10. The Importance Of Journaling........................................................................................31Chapter 11. Listen With Love....................................................................................................35Chapter 12. Keys To Emotional Loss..............................................................................................39Chapter 13. Child/Teen Grief....................................................................................................45Chapter 14. Sudden Death........................................................................................................49Chapter 15. Loss – Grief – Healing..................................................................................55Chapter 16. Grieving To Heal....................................................................................................59Chapter 17. Peace And Forgiveness Begins With Us, An Introspective On Looking To Seek Wholeness Once Again......................63Chapter 18. The Path That Grief Takes Us Through................................................................................69Poem 19. Prayer For You.........................................................................................................76Chapter 20. The Way of the Ancients. My Personal Voyage To Begin Healing........................................................79Poem 21. Life...................................................................................................................85References......................................................................................................................87

Chapter One

Coping With Grief

Some times in life, situations can arise that can literally bring us to our knees; such as the death of a loved one.

Here is my story:

Grief is a journey that we must take at some point in our lives. The million dollar question is: How do we cope with grief?

In January, Wayne, my soul mate, husband and best friend was diagnosed with cancer. The universe gave us the privilege ( trust me, I do call it a privilege) of two and a half months of remaining time together. We spent hours talking, laughing and naturally, crying. We knew that the end was near. He did not want to die at home; knowing the memory of this passing would be a constant reminder as long as I resided in our home.

Though I respected his decision, I tried to encourage him to pass his last few weeks at home but Wayne stood firm.

Wayne's decision not to be resuscitated (DNR) was difficult for me emotionally but intellectually I agreed with his decision. Though heart wrenching for me, we did not want to prolong his agony and pain any longer than necessary.

Much time was spent at the hospital. His sister, niece and I took shifts at the hospital to ensure he had company at all times. It also gave us the opportunity to ask appropriate questions of the medical staff.

Each person visiting Wayne experienced a great deal of healing and forgiveness. He was an encouragement to others, despite his own pain. Many of his colleagues came to spend time with him; reminiscing about work and the old days.

My visits with Wayne, mainly spent talking, were very precious to me. Constantly he reminded me that I had an abundance of divine help. Wayne tried giving me hope. In my heart I knew that he was right; yet I knew what was coming. Late at night, returning home, I would, break down and cry. I felt so alone.

One day I asked Wayne, though only fifty seven, if he accomplished everything in his life he wanted to do. His reply was, "Yes. The biggest worry I have is leaving you, for I know how difficult you will find my passing."

On March 22, his niece and I spent the night with Wayne in the Palliative Care Unit. In and out of consciousness for a good portion of the night Wayne and I knew that the end was near. He kept saying to me, that "this world is not my home, I was just passing through". We also knew that he was fighting to stay alive for "us". Probably the most difficult thing that any one will do in their life time is what his niece and I did next. Verbally giving him permission to go to our Eternal Home, we offered reassurance. Even though we would miss him dearly, it was time for him to rest.

At 7:48 am, on March 23, 2009 I saw Wayne take his final three breaths of life. Twenty minutes passed, though time seems to stand still. Finally I said, "So long to him for now; till we meet again". In life, whenever, I am really stressed or could not sleep, Wayne would gently rub the back of my head, to help me relax. In those twenty minutes following his departure, I felt Wayne's hand tenderly rubbing the back of my head.

In meditation, three weeks before Wayne passed; a white envelope was shown to me. I was told the envelope contained Wayne's next assignment on the other side. Prepared to leave this earth, he so eloquently said "Ann this world is not my home. My only regret is leaving you" Leave me he did, I thought that I was prepared for his passing...... NOT!! Even though he is physically not with me, I firmly believe that he is guiding me from the other side. We have the most interesting conversations." Here is an example of such a conversation:

On one exceptionally cold Easter Sunday morning I was putting fresh flowers on Wayne's grave. I heard him asking me how crazy I was putting flowers on what is now his shell. Did I not realize he is still with me in spirit? Yes, I know he is with me in spirit, but I loved the shell also that carried his soul and spirit. This was part of him. Wayne remained quiet for just a few minutes, only to say, "Ann, you are shivering with the cold temperatures. Get back in the warmth of the...