This story chronicles the life and struggles of a young woman who grew up in a rural community in coastal North Carolina. She turns challenges into opportunities after one powerful dream in which her deceased grandfather came to encourage her to "go back to school." When the dream occurred, she had dropped out of college after one year, got married, was the mother of a two-year old child and pregnant with a second child. She was in her mid-twenties at the time and was also dealing with the effects of a failing marriage. She had no concrete plans for her future and was fully aware that the future of her family was resting on her shoulders. She knew that if her children were to have lives with love and security, she would be responsible for providing them. While this was daunting to her, she knew that she had to move beyond these limiting thoughts and feelings; make and implement plans for her family to ensure their future. With her Grandfather's encouragement in the dream, she had the courage to do what needed to be done to make this happen and she did go back and finish school as she promised. Inspite of all of the challenges that she faced, she preservered and was able to complete undergraduate and graduate degrees while working full time and caring for her children alone. This story was written to encourage others to pursue their dreams and goals and not allow the circumstances of life to stand in the way of success. If you want your life to be a particular way, you will have to put forth the time and effort to make it happen; no excuses. Wishing you much success... Dr. Amanda Graham-Jacobs

Grandpa's Hand

A Story of Struggle and TriumphBy Amanda Jacobs

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2009 Amanda Jacobs, Ph.D.
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4389-5238-3

Contents

Introduction.....................3Prologue.........................5Chapter 1........................15Chapter 2........................24Chapter 3........................31Chapter 4........................39Chapter 5........................49Chapter 6........................55Chapter 7........................61Chapter 8........................69Chapter 9........................77Chapter 10.......................84Chapter 11.......................91Chapter 12.......................98Chapter 13.......................106Chapter 14.......................113Chapter 15.......................123Chapter 16.......................132Chapter 17.......................139Chapter 18.......................147Chapter 19.......................154Chapter 20.......................163Chapter 21.......................169Chapter 22.......................176Chapter 23.......................183Chapter 24.......................190Epilogue.........................198

Chapter One

I had a dream-a real dream. I was in a deep sleep, something I rarely did lately. Since the beginning of the pregnancy with my second child, I had difficulty sleeping. My Grandpa Shue, who had died five years earlier, came to me in the dream. He shook me gently and said, "See here Chris,-my name is Amanda Christine and my family called me "Christine" in public and "Monk" at home. Grandpa always called me "Chris"- wake up now. I need to tell you something." I said, "Grandpa, I am so sleepy, and I don't want to talk now." He said, "This won't take long; it's important. Wake up now so that I can talk to you." I said, "OK, Grandpa but please hurry and tell me what you want to say because I am so tired."

Grandpa Shue placed his hand on my shoulder and said, "See here Chris, I want you to go back and finish school as soon as you are able." I said, "OK, Grandpa, I'll go back to school or anything else you ask, just let me go back to sleep now. I have not been sleeping well lately." Grandpa said, "That's all I wanted to tell you Chris." I said, "OK Grandpa, thanks. I am going back to sleep now."

In the next instant, realizing what had happened, I bolted upright in bed. I could still feel Grandpa's hand on my shoulder. It felt as if grandpa had really touched me and was still in the room. I could not see him, but I could feel his presence. I jumped out of bed with my hand on my shoulder and looked under the bed and all over the room for Grandpa. I started talking to him and said, "Grandpa, I know you are in here, I can't see you, but I can feel you here with me. I promise I will go back and finish school as soon as I can." At that moment, I made a commitment to myself and Grandpa Shue to complete my college education.

I lay back down but could not go back to sleep, so I continued to talk to Grandpa for a while as if he were there with me. I could still feel the essence of his spirit there. I told him I really did plan to go back to school one day, but I did not know when or how I would do it. I said, "I have one child and another on the way, and I am in a marriage that has not worked from the beginning." I told him that my husband, Jerome, was rarely home, and when he was there, we were either arguing or not speaking. He was a bully and often threatened me.

I also told Grandpa that I had no idea how I would manage the responsibilities of taking care of two young children while completing my education-without money or support from my husband. Somehow, I was reassured by the message that came to me next. I thought that it might have come from Grandpa. The message was, "You take one step and he'll take two on your behalf." Grandpa was talking about God and his constant presence in our lives. I said, "OK Grandpa" and fell back to sleep immediately.

This experience with Grandpa Shue is what I call a defining moment. These are times in our lives when something happens that completely alters the course of our lives by the mere fact that it has happened. We cannot go back and change it, and our lives will never be the same. In a sense, these moments determine the way our lives will play out from that point forward.

The next morning when I awoke, the first thought that came to my mind was the dream I had about Grandpa Shue. It was still very fresh in my mind. I touched my shoulder and thought about the kind of person my grandpa was.

He had a bald head and only one tooth in his mouth. His nose was shaped like a question mark, with a curve at the tip. He walked with a limp because his right leg had been broken when he was younger. He had many names-his mother named him Henry Fletcher Lacewell, his friends and children called him Pokey, and his grandchildren called him Grandpa Shue.

He answered to all of these names and never had an issue with what people called him. He simply did not allow himself to get attached to these small matters. He knew who he was and was quite satisfied with himself.

He never allowed worry to occupy his mind, unless it involved his family. He loved God and enjoyed his life. He was a fisherman by trade and earned his living that way. He was quite literate and a great speller. He read frequently, usually the Bible and on rare occasions the local newspaper. He did not bother with the affairs of others or most world events. He saw this as God or someone else's business. He would tell us often, "Don't forget to pray."

This was my grandpa, and he really valued an education. I knew then that somehow I would find a way to reenroll and complete my education. I had dropped out of college after completing my freshman year at a southern teacher's college, and I got married to my high school boyfriend, Jerome, at the age of eighteen. We moved to Brooklyn, New York and had our first child two years later. Now, almost three years later, I was pregnant again.

I was sure that Grandpa wanted the best for me. He died during my first year of college. Just before he died, he wrote letters to his three older grandchildren-me, my sister Sara, and our cousin Marie-who were all enrolled in the same college. He told each of us how proud he was and encouraged each of us to stay in school. He also reminded us, "Don't forget to pray." We were the first generation in the family to go to college. I kept my letter from Grandpa, and I sometimes still read it when I need encouragement.

Before the visit from grandpa in my dream, I did not have a clue how to make my life work or accomplish my educational goals. I was not even sure what my goals were. I was overwhelmed with my life-especially the marriage. I often wondered if circumstances would improve and, if not, how I could provide safety, nurturing, support, and all the other things my children would need, without a husband. I was only sure about one thing: I would continue to give them my love. The rest of the picture was quite fuzzy.

My mama, Laura, called me three days after the dream and asked me to go to a military hospital outside of Philadelphia to support my brother Bo. He was in the army and had been admitted as a patient at the hospital. He had been drafted in 1964 and was stationed at a base in New Jersey. Mama told me I should go and spend time with Bo, talk to the doctors, and see how he was doing because I was living closer to him than anyone else in the family. Mama said she was too busy with the farm to leave home at that time, which was during the early summer.

I told...