Many women experience money as a source of sadness, jealousy, anger, resentment, confusion, or worry. They want to be responsible, but feel out of control with their money. They work so hard to earn it, but there never seems to be enough. In Girlfriends' Guide to Money, authors Lucinda Atwood, Ann Leckie, and Marina Glass show women how to develop a great relationship with money in order to live happily and fully. With humor and personal anecdotes, and in easily accessible language, they provide the tools to help women to change their unhealthy and negative thoughts about money. Girlfriends' Guide to Money teaches women how to clarify their personal values, develop their own financial goals and action plans, and spend and save in alignment with those values. In addition, financial experts provide their advice on topics such as starting a new job, disability, job loss, and bankruptcy. The Girlfriends' Guide to Money is not about budgeting or deprivation. It is about thoughtfully aligning saving and spending with personal values. With clear values, women can set financial goals and action plans that fit like a well worn pair of jeans so they can be successful on their own terms.
GIRLFRIENDS GUIDE TO MONEY
Your Math-Free, Guilt-Free Guide to Financial HealthBy Lucinda Atwood Ann Leckie Marina GlassiUniverse, Inc.
Copyright © 2011 Lucinda Atwood, Ann Leckie and Marina Glass
All right reserved.ISBN: 978-1-4620-5607-1Contents
Introduction: Do You Want to Improve your Relationship with Money?.....................1Chapter 1. Understanding your Relationship with Money..................................9Chapter 2. Establishing Your Values....................................................29Chapter 3. Creating your Financial Goals and Action Plans..............................34Chapter 4. Spending according to your Values...........................................42Chapter 5. Building a Strong Support Network...........................................54Chapter 6. Oh No, Insurance?!..........................................................56Chapter 7. Is Bankruptcy the Right Choice for Me?......................................66Chapter 8. When You Need Someone to Talk to at Work....................................74Chapter 9. When You're Leaving a Job...................................................83Chapter 10. I've Been Fired! What Do I Do Now?.........................................90Chapter 11. When You're Looking for a Job..............................................96Chapter 12. Just Got that Dream Job!...................................................104Conclusion: So Long, Farewell..........................................................109Thanks, Friends........................................................................111Girlfriends Give Back..................................................................112About the Authors......................................................................115
Chapter One
Understanding your Relationship with Money
Many of us in North America have been blessed with abundance, yet often feel deprived. We see people in advertisements and the media who appear to be perfect, happy and young. Images abound of beautiful people in glorious clothes living wonderful lives. Each image is carefully crafted to exploit our secret yearning to be desired and desirable. Each ad says if you were included, powerful and rich, you would have this already. And if you had this, you would be included, powerful and rich!
We want to be those people. We want to trade our boring little lives in for their glamour and acclaim. We think that we would be happy if we had what they have, so we participate in an endless cycle of buy, upgrade, then buy some more. We constantly consume, trying to make our lives somehow better or more meaningful.
Why Doesn't Buying Things Make Us Feel Better?
If having the latest fashion, toy or technology is supposed to make us happy, why are so many of us feeling worse?
The answer is simple. It's not necessarily the things that we purchase that are the problem; it's why we purchase that has gone awry. There are several reasons that so many of us have negative relationships with money:
1. We mistake the adrenaline rush of shopping for true joy and contentment.
2. We mistakenly believe that if only we had more things we would be happy.
3. We do not understand that we are enough, and feel that having more or better things will make us sufficient or acceptable.
4. We see flaws in ourselves and believe that they can be fixed with things or money.
Entire businesses are built around these beliefs. Skin care, beauty products, designer fashion, house wares and expensive cars — we can't buy this stuff fast enough. We are always looking for more and better to fill that hole within us.
But our solution of consuming to fill the hole doesn't work. It's a pattern of spending that does not reflect our inner values and does not bring happiness. Even if we do buy something we want and think we need, something even more fancy and "necessary" comes along. The hole within us never fills. We are as emotionally empty as before.
We Need to Heal our Relationship with Money
No one is suggesting that we stop spending money. We do need to buy things — food, clothing, shelter and transportation are important; so is rewarding ourselves. But mindless consumerism and driving ourselves into debt and stress will not make us happy. Things will not make us different or transform our lives.
Ann remembers being in Disneyland last year. "It was late and people were heading home. Everyone looked tired; kids were cranky and whiney. I sat down on a bench to rest, and a couple sat beside me with their crying two year old. The woman turned to her man and said, `This is why I want a divorce!' Over their heads was a sign: The Happiest Place on Earth. The irony didn't escape me. They went on holiday and spent tons of money but they were no happier. You can't buy happiness."
We work hard to earn money to feed, clothe and shelter our families. We want — and deserve — rewards and fun. We need — and deserve — to be relaxed with money; to enjoy earning, spending and saving it. We also deserve the peace that comes from knowing that we are managing our money well according to our own values.
Sufficiency
We need to develop a sense of sufficiency. That what we have is enough. For those of us who have the basics but never feel satisfied and rack up thousands a year in mindless debt, we say STOP. Let's look at what is really going on, and understand that we already have enough. We are enough.
But I Love Pretty Shoes!
Sufficiency doesn't mean that we Girlfriends don't like pretty things. We certainly do. We still see a gorgeous pair of shoes and say, "I want them!"
The difference is that we don't define ourselves around those shoes. We don't think that we will be happier if we buy them or somehow diminished if we don't.
We know the secret of having proper expectations of the things that we buy. We know that those shoes can't transform our lives. We don't expect them to help us get, keep or dump that boyfriend. We don't expect those shoes to do anything other than what they are designed to do — look pretty and help support us as we move forward.
We know that true happiness comes from living in alignment with our values. And while we enjoy the fun of a good purchase, we don't confuse it with happiness.
We live with a sense of abundance because we know what we want and how to get it. We spend and save in alignment with our values.
We know that we can admire and even desire an item and walk away without buying it — and survive. (It's true!) We know that if one sweater makes us happy, ten will not necessarily make us ten times happier. We know that buying a mirrored side table will not undo this morning's fight with Sweetie-pie.
Positive Attitudes
We know that you can have a positive relationship with money; one that is healthy, balanced, and joyous. Yes joyous! A positive relationship with money is not built around the power of more. It rests on these positive attitudes:
• Acceptance of trade-offs
• Openness
• Control
• Lack of jealousy and judgment
• Optimism
Acceptance of Trade-offs
A positive relationship with money acknowledges that there will always be trade-offs. For example, going to school means forgoing earnings. For some of us that is a good trade-off. For others,...
