“If you are struggling with issues of betrayal—or the challenge of whether and how to forgive—here is the most helpful and surprising book you will ever find on the subject.”—Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., author of The Dance of Anger
Everyone is struggling to forgive someone: an unfaithful partner, an alcoholic parent, an ungrateful child, a terrorist. This award-winning book provides a radical way for hurt parties to heal themselves—without forgiving, as well as a way for offenders to earn genuine forgiveness.
Until now, we’ve been taught that forgiveness is good for us and that good people forgive. Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring, a gifted clinical psychologist and award-winning author of After the Affair, proposes a radical, life-affirming alternative that lets us overcome the corrosive effects of hate and get on with our lives—without forgiving. She also offers a powerful and unconventional model for earning genuine forgiveness—one that asks as much of the offender as it does of the hurt party.
Beautifully written and filled with insight, practical advice, and poignant case studies, this bold and healing book offers step-by-step, concrete instructions that help us make peace with others and ourselves, while answering such crucial questions as these:
- How do I forgive someone who is unremorseful or dead?
- When is forgiveness cheap?
- Can I heal myself – without forgiving?
- How can the offender earn forgiveness?
- What makes for a good apology?
- How do we forgive ourselves for hurting another human being?
Janis Abrahms Spring Ph.D., is a nationally acclaimed expert on issues of trust, intimacy, and forgiveness. A Diplomate in Clinical Psychology and a recipient of the Connecticut Psychological Association''s Award for Distinguished Contribution to the Practice of Psychology, she has served as a clinical supervisor in the Department of Psychology at Yale University. Her first book, After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful, has sold over 300,000 copies and is published in 12 countries. How Can I Forgive You? is a finalist for the Books for a Better Life Award. Dr. Spring received her B.A. from Brandeis University, magna cum laude, her Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the University of Connecticut, and her post-graduate training from Aaron T. Beck, M.D., at the Center for Cognitive Therapy at the University of Pennsylvania. The richness and originality of her work make her a popular media guest and a prized presenter to both professional and lay audiences. In private practice for almost three decades, she resides in Westport, Connecticut. She and her husband, Michael Spring, have four sons. Michael Spring is publisher of the Frommer''s Travel Guides at John Wiley. He has a B.A. from Haverford College and an M.A. in English Literature from Columbia University.
