Henri Nouwen became one of the mostinspiring spiritual guides of the 20thcentury. Culled from a life of intenseseeking, these profound meditations onliving, waiting, power, peace, and dyingoffer important insights that will inspireall who dare to travel a spiritual path.

Finding My Way Home

Crossroad Publishing Company

Chapter One

Sitting in a plane and looking down on the broadlandscapes?the rivers, lakes, and mountains?andseeing the winding roads and little villages spread outover the earth, I wonder why it is so hard for people tolive peacefully together. The astronauts seeing our blueplanet from their space shuttle were so overwhelmedby its beauty that it seemed impossible for them tobelieve that its inhabitants were busy destroying theirown home and killing each other through war andexploitation.

    Distance sometimes helps us to get a sharper vision ofour human condition and to raise some very good criticalquestions!

    Let us take a look at our world from a distance, notfrom the physical distance of a plane or a space vehicle,but from the spiritual distance of our faith. Let us lookat ourselves, at our humanity, from above and with theeyes of God. Jesus always looked at the human conditionfrom above and tried to teach us to look as he did."I come from above," he said, "and I want you to bereborn from above so that you will be able to see withnew eyes."

    This is what theology is about. It is looking at realitywith the eyes of God. And there is so much to lookat: land and sky; sun, stars, and moon; women, men,and children; continents, countries, cities and towns,and countless very specific issues in the past, present,and future. That's why there are so many "theologies."The sacred Scriptures help us to look at the rich varietyof all creation with the eyes of God and so to discern theways to live.

    The path of power is really about a theology of weakness.We want to look with God's eyes at our experienceof brokenness, limitedness, woundedness, and frailty. Wewant to look at them in the way that Jesus taught usto hope that such a vision will offer us a safe way totravel on earth. I will focus on three words: "power,""powerlessness," and "power." I first want to explore thepower that oppresses and destroys. Then I want to showhow power is disarmed through powerlessness, and finallyI want to proclaim the true power that liberates,reconciles, and heals.

Power

    I. When God looks at our world, God must weep. Godmust weep because the lust for power has entrapped andcorrupted the human spirit. In the news and even inour families and ourselves we see that instead of gratitudethere is resentment, instead of forgiveness there isrevenge, instead of healing there is wounding, insteadof compassion there is competition, instead of cooperationthere is violence, and instead of love there isimmense fear.

    God must weep when God looks at our beautifulplanet and sees thousands of maimed bodies lying onthe battlefields, lonely children roaming the streets of bigcities, prisoners locked behind bars and thick walls, mentallyill men and women wasting their time in the wardsof large institutions, and millions of people dying fromstarvation and neglect. God must weep because Godknows the agony and anguish we have brought upon ourselvesby wanting to take our destiny in our own handsand lord it over others.

    When we look around and within us with the eyesof God, it is not hard to see the all-pervading lust forpower. Why are Serbs and Moslems killing each other?Why are Protestants and Catholics throwing bombs ateach other? Why is the president murdered, the primeminister kidnapped, and why do political leaders commitsuicide?

    Let's look into our own hearts! Aren't we constantlyconcerned with whether we are noticed or not, appreciatedor not, rewarded or not? Aren't we always askingourselves whether we are better or worse, stronger orweaker, faster or slower than the one who stands besideus? Haven't we, from elementary school on, experiencedmost of our fellow human beings as rivals in the racefor success, influence, and popularity? And ... aren't weso insecure about who we are that we will grab any, yesany, form of power that gives us a little bit of controlover who we are, what we do, and where we go?

    When we are willing to look at things through God'seyes, we soon see that what is happening in Bosnia,South Africa, Ireland, or Los Angeles is not so far awayfrom what is happening in our own hearts. As soon asour own safety is threatened we grab for the first stick orgun available and we say that our survival is what reallycounts, even when thousands of others are not going tomake it.

    I know my sticks and my guns! Sometimes it is afriend with more influence than I, sometimes it is moneyor a degree, sometimes it is a little talent that othersdon't have, and sometimes it is a special knowledge,or a hidden memory, or even a cold stare ... and I willgrab it quickly and without much hesitation when Ineed it to stay in control. Before I fully realize it I havepushed my friends away, perhaps wounding them in theprocess.

    God looks at us and weeps because wherever we usepower to give us a sense of ourselves, we separate ourselvesfrom God and each other, and our lives becomediabolic, in the literal meaning of that word: divisive.

    II. But there is something worse than our exerciseof economic and political power. It is religious power.When God looks at our world, God not only mustweep but must also be angry?angry because many ofus who pray, offer praise, and call out to God, "Lord,Lord!" are also corrupted by power. In anger God says:"These people honor me only with lip service, whiletheir hearts are far from me. Their reverence of me isworthless; the lessons they teach are nothing but humancommandments" (Isa. 29:13).

    The most insidious, divisive, and wounding poweris the power used in the service of God. The numberof people who "have been wounded by religion"overwhelms me. An unfriendly or judgmental word bya minister or priest, a critical remark in church abouta certain lifestyle, a refusal to welcome people at thetable, an absence during an illness or death, and countlessother hurts often remain longer in people's memoriesthan other more world-like rejections. Thousands of separatedand divorced men and women, numerous gay andlesbian people, and all of the homeless people who feltunwelcome in the houses of worship of their brothersand sisters in the human family have turned away fromGod because they experienced the use of power whenthey expected an expression of love.

    The devastating influence of power in the hands ofGod's people becomes very clear when we think of thecrusades, the pogroms, the policies of apartheid, and thelong history of religious wars up to these very days. Itmight be harder though to realize that many contemporaryreligious movements create the fertile soil for theseimmense human tragedies to happen again.

    In these days of great economic and political uncertainty,one of the greatest temptations is to useour faith as a way to exercise power over others andthereby supplant God's commandments with humancommandments.

    It is easy to understand why so many people haveturned away in disgust from anything vaguely connectedwith religion. When power is used to proclaim goodnews, good news very soon becomes bad, very bad news.And that's what I believe causes God's anger.

    But...