This highly emotional novel follows six generations of one family from the eighteen hundreds to the present. The main thrust of the story revolves around Jacob and Esther, their unabashed love for one-another, and their total lack of love, care, and nurturing of four children whom they brought into the world. The four children, of whom I am the oldest, grow up fending for themselves or relying on me, their Cinderella without glass slippers. The novel chronicles life and death, passionate love, rape and incest, childbirth and abortion, open heart surgery and more, including some fun and fascinating experiences; as well as our innumerable attempts to bring our family together. Along with being a novel abounding with emotion and incredulous happenstances, it hopes to disprove a long-standing adage that "people live what they learn"; as the four siblings around whom the novel is built have all risen above The Family That Never Was to being successful, loving and caring individuals with thriving families of their own.

The Family That Never Was

By Jacque Lynn Singer

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2011 Jacque Lynn Singer
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4520-8750-4

Contents

DEDICATION.......................................................................................ixACKNOWLEDGEMENTS.................................................................................xiFORWARD..........................................................................................xiiiMY RATIONALE.....................................................................................1MY LIFE AS A CHILD (THE EARLY YEARS).............................................................7OUR FIRST NEW START..............................................................................17CALIFORNIA, HERE WE COME.........................................................................21MY COLLEGE YEARS.................................................................................27IT'S NOW OR NEVER (SANDI'S REBIRTH)..............................................................35THE LATER YEARS..................................................................................39I'M A TEACHER NOW................................................................................45THROWN OUT.......................................................................................49PREGNANT AND NOWHERE TO TURN (OR MY MOTHER LOSES MY JOB).........................................57ANOTHER SCHOOL DISTRICT — ANOTHER NEW BEGINNING............................................81STARTING AGAIN — I BUY MY FIRST HOME.......................................................85TWO CHRISTMAS DILEMMAS (AN UNWANTED GIFT)........................................................99COULD I POSSIBLY BE PREGNANT AGAIN? (OR THE WORST DECISION I'VE HAD TO MAKE).....................107TIME MARCHES ON (OR WHAT ELSE CAN GO AMISS?).....................................................115MY FAMILY GROWS — NOW THERE ARE TWO........................................................121INSURANCE SAYS YES — NO MORE HUGE BREASTS..................................................139BACK TO THE DATING GAME — I FIND THE REAL MR. RIGHT........................................147A MUTUAL PROPOSAL, A MARRIAGE, AND A LONG TRIP...................................................155A FINAL ATTEMPT TO MAKE THE FAMILY THAT NEVER WAS THE FAMILY THAT IS.............................159CHARLIE UNRAVELS AND MY BODY FALLS APART.........................................................167CHARLIE GETS NEW GUARDIANS AND TONY SUCCUMBS TO CANCER...........................................175STRANGE DEATHS TAKE MY MOTHER AND JAMES' DAD.....................................................181CHARLIE GROWS UP (OR RETIREMENT CAN'T COME FAST ENOUGH)..........................................195OUR THREE SONS...................................................................................199JACQUE FALLS AND CAN'T GET UP — JAMES TO THE RESCUE........................................213FINAL REVELATIONS (OR IS IT A NEW BEGINNING?)....................................................219

Chapter One

MY RATIONALE

The year was 1943. World War II was raging across the world. Rationing of leather goods, metals, oil and gasoline, meats, and other food goods was being fully implemented across the United States. Wages, salaries, and prices were all frozen. Thousands of American men were shipped overseas to fight for their country.

My parents were lucky, I guess. My father, who was in the service, remained stateside with my mother. Maybe his health or his size kept him from seeing the battle front. So in 1943, in a hospital in Hartford, Connecticut, a female bundle of joy was born; my name was Jacque Lynn Singer. I was the first of four siblings born to my parents. The question was, did my parents consider me a bundle of joy or simply a burden to keep them from doing that which they chose to do? Was I part of a pre-planned family or conceived because my parents did not realize what having a child meant to their personal freedoms?

The poem that follows, "The Family That Never Was" was written by me over twenty-one years ago. I am a firm believer that by writing about my feelings, especially negative ones, I can clear my mind and seek solutions without burdening others. A variety of viable solutions also become more lucid.

Here I sit at age 46 —
Dreaming of things that could have been.
A household made up of six
But never a family, not then, not now!

Mother and Dad had each other, you see,
With four kids who didn't fit into their plan.
We knew what we needed and hoped it would be,
But Mom had to make sure that she pleased her man.

"Don't tell your father," were words oft heard.
Just why Mom would say this, I've yet to decide.
Did she fear him? Protect him? It all sounds absurd.
But four of us kept quiet or more we were denied.

Love was a "four letter word" in our house
Seldom used and less seldom shown.
Mom and Dad each needed their spouse
While the four of us grew up alone.
As years went past and I grew
Many social mistakes I made.
How does one find love she never knew?
For my parents' mistakes I have paid.

The burden of family lay upon me for years.
You're the oldest one, I would oft say
Forget the bad times and all of the tears
Keep our family together, I'd pray.

My parents were happy when things went their way —
We'd talk, visit, and be friends,
But as soon as something for me went astray
They'd be gone-no reasons, no amends!

Now, my mother is gone, at peace at last
And I'm left with what I NEVER had!
As I sit reflecting upon the past
I'm grateful to see how I've learned from the bad.

A husband, my sons, a successful life —
Loving and doing things a family does.
Sharing and caring between children, husband and wife
Make up for the family that never was!

The youngest sibling in my family, Sandi, who is ten years my junior, and I have determined that we were raised in a "dry alcoholic" atmosphere. I've heard many stories of alcohol use regarding our father when I was very young. I've never seen him inebriated, but it is said that his military cronies would dump him on the doorstep. In my family, my father was definitely dependent upon my mother. My mother, on the other hand, always tried to protect him and cover his ass.

The children in a dysfunctional family also play specific roles. As the oldest child in the family, it was my function to make the family (my parents) feel it was doing well; as my accomplishments gave them a source of pride which they seldom, if ever, acclaimed. I was an over-achiever and able to be overly responsible. If something needed to be accomplished, I was placed first in line for the chore. It was like a Cinderella syndrome without the glass slippers, and it took many trials until I found my Prince Charming.

Inwardly, I suffered from painful feelings of inadequacy and guilt. Nothing I did was good enough to please or heal my family. My compulsive drive to succeed led to stress-related illness and compulsive over-working. My qualities of appeasement, helpfulness and nurturing my siblings caused others outside the family to pay me much positive attention. But inwardly, I felt isolated, unable to express myself or my true feelings. I became the head of the family at a very young age. Weight gain was a product of my instability. Food, especially chocolate,...